Monday, February 14, 2011


It is quiet.  There is a Henry Boy nestled in my bed, a Jack nestled in Jack's bed, and an Elliott in a new-to-us toddler bed.  The Mister and Miss O are reading a Redwall book in her room.  And I'm here.

Things are fuzzy tonight; they have not been fuzzy all day.   There was no fuzzy yesterday, but yesterday I forgot to take the steroids that dull the pain and cause the migraine that needs the drugs that bring the fuzzy... and today I took the steroids.  My face lit on fire and my scalp seared the roots of my hair and my eyes travelled in circles and my head spun and my feet shuffled and I became cross again.  So I took the drugs that make all of that go away.

But, at this very moment, I do not hurt.  

There was a doctor appointment in which many things were discussed.  Rheumatologist.  Blood test. Another blood test, and then some more blood test after that.  Geneticist.  Gastro-blah-blah-ologist (no offense to the gastroblahblahologists out there).  Procedures that finish and render impossibilities, while at the verysame time create opportunity.  Things with disease and disorder in the names.  

Things were fuzzy that day, too, but not because of the drugs that bring the fuzzy.  And not because of the disease and disorder, either.  Things were fuzzy because of the spark of hope that was kindled by the identification of which disease and disorder, and the knowledge that all of this is not created by my crazy brain.

I'm not crazy.  I'm not crazy.  This is real and I've had it my entire life and there's a reason I've always felt tired and old and horrible.  There's an actual organic cause to the antenatal depression I suffered when I was pregnant with Elliott, and I didn't make it up and it's not ever been faked or used to get attention or any of the things I was told when I was growing up.  It is possible that I felt that way  because that's the way I felt and now I have proof.

Things are fuzzy, but the relief is so crystal clear and I am holding it close.

Sunday, February 13, 2011


The Mister:  What's that?
Henry: Chocolate.
Lengthy pause whilst everyone watches Elliott gnaw on said chocolate.
The Mister:  Ummm, no. That's a piano key.

Friday, February 11, 2011


this afternoon, i was feeling well enough to beat the children into cooperating do a little cleaning up around the homestead.  

we played a totally forced and unpleasant merry game of tidy up the living room.  

some people went to bed instead of helping everybody found a way to chip in.

then we went sort of across the street for dinner, and when we came home, there was a colossal mess on the verysame living room floor that had been cleaned just hours before, and was actually clean when we left the house.  this mess included gobs of cereal scattered across the floor, a booster seat from the kitchen table, and a pair of underwear.

i didn't even think we *HAD* cereal in our house.

please tell me that this happens at your house, too.

Monday, February 7, 2011

some items for your consideration; 7th edition

1.  I opened the oven door to put the pizzas in (of the traditional friday night pizza-and-a-movie fame) and discovered that the heating element was no longer working.  This is the equivalent to having my left arm broken, I think.

2.  The Mister worked. And worked. And worked some more.  This working thing isn't actually anything new.  But this week? It just seemed like a lot.

3.  I had an autoimmune disease flare of epic proportions.  (Did I ever tell you I have an autoimmune disease?  I do)  It started about two weeks ago, and reached its peak Friday and Saturday.  Everything hurt. And i had a migraine.  Only my joints hurt today, so I venture a guess that it's going away.  I hope.

4.  The short people were super helpful, though.  They did laundry and emptied the dishwasher.  They even made more dirty dishes and! Refilled the dishwasher.  and!  Fetched things all by themselves.  Le sigh.

5.  I'm sorry I alarmed you with my post mentioning Secret Things And Stuff.  It's all good, I promise.

6.  I am currently on a mission to commit clementine genocide.  You should fully expect to see me indicted at The Hague sometime in the middle of next week.  Genocide jokes aren't funny.  But the words The Hague and indicted are funny.  So it kind of balances out.

7.  I got a new phone.  It rings when people call.  This is something new and very exciting, as my previous phone had stopped ringing about three weeks ago, despite displaying that a call was coming in.  I had to pull the battery out, put the battery back in, turn the phone on, wait for it to start up, and then call the person back.  It was somewhat tedious, and by somewhat I mean OH MY HELL THAT'S EFFING ANNOYING ALREADY.

What's going on with you, my darling peoples?  

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

whatever, stormcaster.

We made a trip to town today to pick up some vital items, should we find ourselves snowed in for a time.
Here's my list:

  1. new library books, including books 1-3 of the How To Train Your Dragon series.
  2. movies, also from the library.
  3. coffee beans
  4. heavy cream
  5. doritos
I'm clearly well prepared for any sort of weather event we may face. Bring it, Mother Nature.

And congrats to Carol... chose lucky number 13 and she gets the $40 gift card to CSN Stores.