Tuesday, December 23, 2008

i'm glad i'm not a cow: reason 1,749,375,892,890,734

I have lived amongst the cows nearly all of my life, a sum total of thirty-one point five years. Never in all my wildest imaginings did I ever think I would witness the miracle of Bovine Afterbirth.

And NO! I do not actually have wild imaginings about cattle. Really, people. I like to drink the milk (raw) and I like to eat them (rare-ish). And that is it.

I do not have the vocabulary to express the disgusted wonder and raging dry-heaves I experienced on Saturday when I watched a cow eat her placenta.


Why? I can hear you asking. I can. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO WATCH A COW, OF ALL THINGS, CONSUME AN ORGAN THAT WAS JUST INSIDE HER BODY? Loud and clear.

And all I have to offer you is the standard Car Crash Response.

I just.couldn't.look.away.

It was like a big gelatinous...thing. All sloppy. And steaming. And thing-ish. And that cow was eating it up. Maybe slurping is a better word to use.

And even now, as I sit here in my comfy chair, grossing you out with neither rhyme nor reason, I find myself wondering: With all the calf nut talk going on over at The Pioneer Woman, and the ninetybazillion cattle they have, how has she never once mentioned that those beasts excitedly eat their own placentas? Because that? Is WAY GROSSER THAN DE-NUTTING A CALF. Way.Grosser.

But know this. I, Pamela from The Dayton Time, keep it real. For real.

So if you haven't gotten the message, here it is, once again.

Mama Cows Eat Their Afterbirth.
It is fun to watch.
And by fun, I mean completely and horrifyingly disgusting.
Thank you.

20 comments:

  1. hon.. you didn't know?? we humans are the only mammals who don't eat our afterbirth. ;)

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  2. I have seen a horse eat the afterbirth. Lets just say it was before I could really understand what that big huge nasty looking thing was! It was pretty gross (sounding) so thanks for reminding me of a tragic event that took place in my childhood...

    Oh and Merry Christmas!!

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  3. Yea, what ChurchPunkMom said.

    Cats, dogs, horses, cows, goats....

    thank GAWD not humans.

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  4. I don't want to eat. Ever. Thanks. I wanted to lose more weight anyway.

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  5. Church punk mom is right. It actually signals to mother mammal's body that "hey,we're all done here, you can stop bleeding and close up down there." Prevents hemorrhaging after labor. And can also increase milk production and let-down. Totally normal, functional, biological stuff.

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  6. dude saw this done a couple times my self at the last last home stead we lived in! this cow had it in her mouth and was swinging it around. I thought I was gonna hurl! (hurl is my new word)

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  7. I must have missed the "How to be a Mammal" seminar in school. I had no idea.

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  8. Um, well, what can I say? I stopped by to wish my favorite lady Merry Christmas and I was greeted with an "eating the placenta" story. I'm speechless. I'm also what the hell I missed over the past four weeks. Is this your version of nesting? Merry Christmas! See you in 09!

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  9. Ew. Did have the munchies. Now, not so much. So thanks for that. :)

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  10. Now THAT's a bedtime story!

    Merry Christmas Mrs. D!!!!

    Love to all

    K, M & CR

    ps - I have to find the camera before posting. Does it still count?

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  11. Hello, Breakfast. Nice to see you again.

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  12. When I lived in MN, and people would stop to watch the accident that just happened, we called that a Gawker's Slowdown. Traffic creeping just so we could all satisfy our morbid fascination for human tragedy.

    Yep. You did that.

    And now I'm almost too sick to wish you a happy holiday. But I'm going to do it anyway.

    And a new year brimming with many wondrous surprises . . .

    But, please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, no more honestly like this . . .

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  13. One more piece of proof that I am irrevocably a local boy. I didn't know about this either but I got such a laugh out of it, picturing Ol' Bessie munching away with her big chisel teeth. Om-nom-nom-nom!

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  14. Aaaannnnnnddddd....


    Merry Christmas to you, too.

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  15. I think some really "natural" mommies eat their own placenta... maybe you should consider it, Pamela. What with all your natural mommy-ness and whatnot.

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  16. Okay! You win for my most favorite post of the week!!!

    I think I'd watch just like you did for the same reason. Car crash.

    I'd much rather bite a nut off of a calf than eat my own placenta.

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  17. I just came across your blog from Anissa's and I am in tears I am laughing so hard! I love the vivid description of the placenta...*Gag* :) Thanks, I needed a laugh!

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  18. Oh, That is so gross! I could have gone my whole life not knowing that. Thanks for sharing :)

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  19. Please tell me you at least offered her salt? Or ketchup?

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talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.