Monday, December 29, 2008

it is almost over

And by 'it' I mean Christmas. Christmas is almost over. I know there are some of you who are actually finished with the CELEBRATING and the EATING and the PRESENTS and the BOOZE (well, I don't really know anybody who's finished with the booze except me, so it's just poetic license or something to mention the booze).

Barney and Friends are rocking out to Riding in the Car... riding in the car, riding in the car, we love riding in the car. That's my life...rocking out to the occasional Barney show and neverending celebratory gatherings. Barney makes me want to scratch my eyes out. It's the voice that does it, I think. And the stupid chuckle. Looky, looky, it's a...cookiecookie, cookies are wonderful fun! (huh huh) First we make 'em then we bake 'em then we get to eat 'em eat 'em. (huh huh) I want a cookie. And a nap. And more coffee.

Speaking of coffee, SOMEONE TALL in my house (who is not pregnant, but did contribute to myveryown pregnancy) dropped the Tupperware container FULL OF SUGAR on my French Press Saturday morning. I was thirty-five seconds from having a cup of coffee and then I was what amounted to practically eighty hours from having a cup of coffee. Meh. And grrrrrrr. But, lucky for said Tall Person, he turned around with a sad, sad, sad face and promised to never touch my French Press again (yes, it's mine-all-mine) before I could reach out to bitch-slap him.

We don't really engage in bitch-slapping in our house. But I think that's only because we are both quick to admit wrongdoing and apologize faster than the bitch-slaps actually happen. Except if that guy continues to insist upon molesting my French Press I will possibly begin to consider the bitch-slap. Or, even better, I will start to pay off the children to run up to him, fling their arms around him, and hug him super hard. Because, as it happens, they are all of a Certain Height, one that causes a specific surprised look to capture his face every time their heads come into contact with, ummm, him. And my kids are cheap, and will probably do it for a penny.

The good news for this bleak situation is that I had the excellent forethought to purchase an extra carafe after the LAST TIME SOMEONE TALL SHATTERED MY LIFE. Er, French Press Carafe. Which is especially good news, considering there is life happening in our drip coffee maker. But we're not going to talk about that right now. Except to say, No, I don't know when the last time I used the thing was. And yes, I am throwing the whole thing away tomorrow when the esteemed garbage man comes.

Even better news? The I Love You song is on right now. Freaking Barney is about to be over.I love you, you love me, we're best friends like friends should be. With a great big hug, and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too?

The time has come, the mama said, to brew some coffee black.
Then dress it up with cream and sugar.
And yes, my rhymes are whack.

Won't you say you love me, too?

Except here's the bad news: Stupid Bald-headed Whiny Pissant Caillou with his Patronizing narrator is on now. Caillou liked being a lookout. He even got Rexie to help, too. Wow! Caillou thought it was beautiful. Wow! A dragonfly. Look! Wow! Bye-bye, heron. But Caillou missed mommy.

Let's get in closer. Maybe we'll get lucky and spot some beaver.

That's what Caillou's grandpa said. Dirty old man.

7 comments:

  1. You are super. Muaa.
    XOXO
    joce

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  2. I'm proud to say my kids don't know Barney. They do know Caillou tho and his damn whining. I really don't like the Wonder Pets either. Sadly, E has outgrown the Backyardigans and I can't remember the last time we saw Thomas & Friends. Except I don't like the Alec Baldwin ones either.

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  3. haha! oh man, i needed a laugh!
    mer--caillou makes my ears bleed--amelie went through a c. phase that lasted like 6 months--oy! worst whiny voice ever.
    and now, i must go drink some coffee b/c that's i can think about after reading your post =)

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  4. When does Dragon Tales come on. I run away screaming every time Ord and his cronies come on . . .

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  5. hahaha! I found you through CF Husband, and this post is totally hilarious! Oh, am I ever glad the Barney days are past, and boy, did I truly despise Caillou. NOT, however, as much as Teletubbies. or .. what were their names... those 4 guys that sing... that scared the life out of my child? whatever. Now, at almost 9, he is absolutely in love with the DVD set of "Lost In Space", and "Land of the Lost", and probably, sooner than later, Star Trek. That, I can handle. Even Chaka... and Sleestaks.. MUCH better than Baby Bop!
    Hoping for the sake of your dear tall one that the kids soon outgrow hitting him in that "special" spot... Happy New Year!

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  6. I kinda miss Barney. Of course, once they reach 17 boy-stank... Barney is a pleasant alternative.

    And I really wish SOMEONE in this house would learn to apologize.

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talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.