Some of my pals take their short people on a humongo group camping trip every summer. I think they're insane. There's something like nine BILLION children and 5 parents. Who does that?
Nine billion is an estimate. Also estimated is the number of parents.
Every year, they say, "Oh, you should go! It's SO! MUCH! FUN!" And every year, I look at them with the "you're on crack" face and say no. Except this year? I succumbed to the peer pressure. And the short people pressure, too, because most of them are old enough to promise me shiny baubles and unlimited vats of hot coffee.
You should understand something before I go any further: Nothing about camping appeals to me. Not a thing. Sleeping on the ground? NO. Hiking? NO. Bugs? Not so much. S'mores? I can make s'mores at home, thankyouverymuch. Add to that, the Other People's Children Element. Yes, I like my friends, and I mostly like their kids. (And don't look like that. You know you mostly like other people's kids, too.) Also? I turn into an evil, murderous crabbyface when I pack the mini
coopervan for a trip. It is NOT PRETTY.
I called my girl Heather, who is The Boss of Things for the trip, and she told me ninety-eleven thousand things to pack. I must have sounded a little bit hesitant, because she said, "Don't worry. It's so fun." I started to stammer something, and without missing a beat, she finished, "Everybody cries at least twice when we're camping."
Thank you for that RINGING ENDORSEMENT. I feel so much better.
Because I didn't actually feel much better, I turned to the effbooks. going camping for the first time. what should i pack? and don't let me down, people, i'm counting on you. They are some helpful people, those effbook types. Here's the recommended packing list from the effbooks.
- bug spray. extra socks, shoes
- an RV
- toilet paper, binoculars (so I can watch the short people hike?)
- a broom, blankets, anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds (check and check)
- first aid kit, tylenol, soap and shampoo
- the phone number of a hotel (it's in my phone)
- air mattress, battery powered fan
- flashlights, lanterns, benadryl, burn cream
- a crisco can so that we can go potty during the night
- bug spray, towels and twizzlers
- tabasco sauce, matches, ziplock bags
- camera, sketchbook, hatchet, spade, extra-medium sense of adventure, extra-large helping of patience, a dash of silence
So this is what I'm packing. Plus some food, and a big cooler and bathing suits, and a clothes line, and the short people. Oh, and knitting, and a chair, and my pillow, and...