Monday, October 31, 2011

lesson of the week: in which i tell you that ginormous bugs are grotey

We caught an enormous insect at the Farmers' Market on Friday. Seriously huge. The thing is about three inches long and has super humongo legs. I never knew we had such horrific things in New York, and I  honestly believe that things like that should live in the jungle where they belong.

The Googles tell me it's a Giant Water Bug, and that it is CARNIVOROUS. The short people put it in a canning jar that was in the back of my minicoopervan, and I figured that we'd figure out what it was and then bring it home and feed it to the chickens because they are super grateful when we bring them tasty treats like bugs as big as their heads.

AND THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS CONSULT THE GOOGLES, PEOPLE. Because if the Giant Water Bug were to bite one of my chickens before the chicken killed it, THE CHICKEN WOULD DIE. Pretty much instantly. I'm pretty sure the bug is a distant cousin to the honey badger. There was a story of a human adult who was bit on the hand by the Giant Water Bug and they couldn't use their hand for two weeks. That is MESSED UP, y'all. New York bugs should not be that intense.

So. We decided to let the bug die, except it was taking a really LONG time to kick it, so Henry decided to put it in the freezer so that it would die more quickly. The people want to give it to their besties at homeschool group this week, and we promised to deliver it dead. The Besties are five brothers who are pretty excited about this bug.

The Mister inquired after the bug this morning, and was not impressed with the Death By Freezing Method, because he thinks the bug will only go dormant and hibernate in the freezer instead of dying properly, as any well-mannered carnivorous bug would do, or, as I like to call it FACILITATING THE SCIENCE PROJECT.

Either way, the bug is in the jar, and it will remain in my freezer until homeschool group day, at which time it will be removed from the freezer and given to The Besties, who have been forewarned of the bug's carnivorous nature, and will not let it attack them, their dogs, or their mother. Or their chickens.


  1. that is just really really wrong. bugs should NEVER be big enough to bite a chicken. or a kid. or a dog. or a mama.

  2. a few years ago my dad found one at work. He called some bug guy and he came over and they wrote an article in the buffalo news about it... i will try to dig it up. Crazy bugs though...for real.

  3. yay it is:

  4. oh noes. noes noes noes noes noes.

    How about soaking some cotton with some acetone or rubbing alcohol and dropping it in the jar for good measure. You know, just in case it's only sleeping in the freezer?

  5. EWWWWW! I think we found one of those at Duysen Farms whilst raspberry picking about a month ago. Thing was growdy. But Jessica picked it up like a champ. The things homeschooling moms of boys will do never cease to amaze me...
    I better start taking notes.

  6. I have one in a jar too...I let the kids take it into the sandbox before I knew it had a knickname of toe biter!! What the heck is a water bug doing out in the middle of a parking lot or park(where we found ours) anyway!? We are saving ours for our biology bug collections.

    Use nail polish remover to kill the sucker..just drop a tissue soaked with it in the will kick rather quickly!

  7. I vote for chemical warfare. For obvious reasons.

  8. i am amazed that you let your kiddos bring it in the van and are keeping it in your freezer - ughhh. me no like. i just want to pretend bugs like that don't exist in our little country bumpkin neck of the woods.

  9. I love this story. I do not love the idea of this bug.


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.