i r a slacker

Miss O has homework.

Yes, you heard me right, the child who has only been in kindergarten for a whopping three days, a total of twenty point five hours, has homework.

And we haven't even looked at said homework. Okay, technically I looked at it. You know, with my eyes and stuff. But not so much with the brain. The homework is a large yellow sheet of construction paper with a big ol' star drawn on it. I have not a clue, not the slightest idea of what I am supposed to do with that freaking star.

Yes, you heard me right, I said WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO DO. Because really, assigning homework to a kindergarten with marginal (on a good day) reading and writing skills is actually assigning homework to said kindergartener's MOM.

Seriously, people, I completed my homework nine years ago. I have both the diploma, and the loan payment booklet to prove it.

I know, there is an alarming number of parents who probably need to do homework with their kindergartener. There most likely is an alarming number of parents who need to be informed that their child attends kindergarten. We? The Mister and Moi? Don't actually have a pressing need to do homework with our kindergartener. EVER.

Because homework is built into the fabric of our lives. Does that make you want to sing? The fa-bric of our li-hi-hives.

We read, out loud, on a daily basis to each of our children. Sometimes they read to us. Even Wee HB. His favorite is Cookie's Week, a story that features a kitten named Cookie, who, well, behaves like a kitten. And it is funny because none of our stupid cats are currently kittens. Praise Jesus. HB likes to shout TWOI-WET! TWOI-WET! and also DIRT, DIRT, MESSY, MESSY and also GAH-BIJ! GAH-BIJ! He doesn't have the rest of the tome memorized just yet, but we cut him some slack because he's not two yet.

How's about somebody cutting US ALL some slack? Or at least taking a couple of minutes to divide the class up, you know, Reading Group style. The 'top group' would never have to do homework with their kindergartener. The 'middle group' would have homework once a week, and the 'last group' would have homework all the time, so the school would know whether or not the parents are neglecting their children.

Brilliant? I know!

Then give each group a super cool name, so that the lowest-common-denominator group doesn't feel like they have inferior parenting skills. To which the other two groups snigger rudely, because EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT THE LOWEST READING GROUP.

I totally know that The Mister and I could pull it together and win us a place in the coveted top group. And that would really help me, because honestly, I don't have enough energy/ brain power/ desire to get my regular work done on a daily basis, let alone complete my five year-old's homework.

But until then, I'm off to find my crayons and my pencils.

a little fashion commentary

Any ideas how much the ensembles in this photo are worth?

$317,000.

Three hundred seventeen thousand dollars.

Laura Bush's outfit, jewels included, cost about $4000.

Cindy McCain's outfit, jewels included, $313,000.

Now, I'm not saying that if you're filthy rich you shouldn't have nice things. Or hundreds of thousands of dollars in the blingety-bling draped around your wrists and neck, and dangling from your lobes.

I'm just going to say that the Habitat for Humanity affiliate in my county could have built almost seven houses with $317,000. For that crazy(?) amount of money, seven working families could own their own home, and be working themselves out of poverty instead of riding the spiral downward.

$317,000 could purchase 63 Gift Arks from Heifer International. What's a Gift Ark? One Gift Ark provides two cows, two sheep, two oxen, two camels, and two water buffalos to five families across the globe. Each of those families share the offspring of these pairs with neighbors in their villages, helping one family at a time become self-sufficient. 63 Gift Arks would provide 126 of each of the five animals, a total of 630 animals helping 315 families.

Let me just offer an advance warning to the old, big-spending, do-nothing, me-first, country-second crowd: change is coming. ~Senator John McCain, the Republican presidential nominee.

Is it, Senator McCain? Really? Because something tells me that when you spend like that, you know, all big-spending, me-first, country-second style, I think you just may not be in touch with what's going on around you. We like to call that REALITY over here at the dayton time, and I cordially invite you to get yourself a big old helping of it.

sort-of-wordless wednesday, or and away she went.

Don't you forget that this going to Kindergarten business is all about me. It wasn't awful. I only sniffled a little bit. Except for the part where Miss O got on the bus, and Wee Man said, Bye, Sis. I never see you again. And then I sniffled a lot and swallowed hard. And I didn't crush/smother/cause embarrasment when she climbed off the bus. I actually sent her back for her backpack. Pragmatic. And she will go back tomorrow. I bought a new pair of big girl pants, I just need to remember to put them on when I get up in the morning.

Bacon and eggs, breakfast of champions.

I can't define that expression.

But that girl was holding on tight to Wee Man.

Note the species in her native surroundings.

Here she is dancing the "I See The Bus" dance.

She didn't even turn around to wave to me us.

See, Wee Man, they brought her back.

The bus had NO AIR CONDITION!!!
That is a real kick in the butt!

All in all, it was a good day.
And in all her life, I have never known this child to eat so much for dinner.
Or, should I say, dinners.
She would make Michael Phelps proud with her caloric intake today.

And she wore these.

wait. what? where'd it go?

You're right. The story of The Benevolent Captain Asshat is no longer here. And that is because the story is no longer fit for print. Apologies to the fans.

so tell me

What do you think of the pink on black? I use explorer because, well, I just do, and it reads pretty well.

And does anybody know why I can't get my header picture to fit inside the pretty box? I told it to 'shrink to fit' and the blogger formatting powers are not cooperating. Stinky non-cooperative thing.

Can anybody help?

Please disregard all questions regarding the resization of any header picture. Unless you can tell me where I can view the code that is the picture. (Umm, Catherine? This is me looking at you.)

he's not there

At work. The Mister is not at his job. Because it's not his job any more. He decided that more than enough was actually enough. Thank the Lord. I knew I was stressed by the situation, but I didn't realize exactly how stressed I really was until he told me he was done. Really really done.

The past 24 hours have been practically blissful.

Do you like how I've turned The Mister's miserable situation into another All About Me? I'm good like that.

I do admit that I am a teensy bit concerned that there might be a little hot-head action at my place tomorrow morning. But I am confident in my ability to a) stand up to Captain Asshat, and b) dial 911. Because I am not going to deal with crap from that wee man (he's actually enormous), no siree.

We have a happy last day of summer planned, filled with strudel/peaches/sausage eating, and puffy paint buying, and playground playing. After nap, we'll play in the back yard, and maybe have a picnic. And it will be lovely.

too much to be a comment

As much as I enjoy people telling me I'm brilliant, and clever and funny, I does enjoy me a good discussion. Shelly was the lone ranger who disagreed with my point of view... in the comments... that post was mentioned to me by people I actually know off the interwebs, and they disagreed, too. I started to respond in the comments, but it was more of a post than a comment, so I brought it up front and center.

You all should know that I really enjoy Shelly's blog, her writing, her tone and perspective. And her children? Are adorable. Especially Shelly, because I don't want you to think I'm trying to embarrass you. You raised some great rebuttal/comments/questions, and it's a rare opportunity for people to hear two differing opinions, presented kindly and at the same time.

I think my (staunchly conservative) brother will be cheering for you, Shelly. He would probably have been the first to disagree if he weren't vacationing in a beach house in North Carolina this week.

"statistically dead guy OR man with tons of experience, he defended our country and was a POW for crying out loud" Yes, Senator McCain has years and years of experience. I do not begrudge him that. However, I find it completely odd that given the opportunity to speak of his actual public service, what he has contributed to the US as a member of the legislative body, and most importantly, where he stands on specific issues, Senator McCain brings up his military service instead of answering questions. We all know he was a POW. I haven't heard anybody disrespecting that, and I certainly was not. I didn't even bring it up.

Senator McCain is marginalizing himself by telling us again and again about being a POW. He is not enhancing his image as a statesman by making his time as a POW his major/only talking point.

abortion? you know that mc cain is ok with abortion, right? McCain's stance on abortion is fairly unclear. He is standing up as a Republican, which lends to the idea that he is anti-abortion/pro-life, and sometimes he makes anti-abortion/pro-life-ish statements. Other times he hints at an opinion that is completely the opposite. I have read him speaking on both sides of the argument, and even if he has made a definitive comment, I don't think I would believe it. Governor Palin has firmly stated that it is a priority to make abortion illegal even in cases of incest and rape.

I was adopted as an infant, and trust me, the issue of abortion hits hard. The effect of abortion is not just limited to the unborn child. (See me use the word child? Not fetus, embryo or zygote?) I believe that life begins at conception. Shelly wrote a compelling argument regarding birth control, and the information she outlined are the reasons we do not use prescriptive birth control methods. I wish and pray that people would stop using abortion as a method of birth control. It makes me sad to hear people speaking casually of such a serious situation.

But I have never been there. That place where killing the child is the best option. I can't even imagine it, and I have an imagination. I know that God would not have us kill unborn babies, just as He would have us not kill people who hurt babies. Killing is killing, right? I know without a doubt it is not what God would have ME do.

Abortions will continue regardless of legality. Legal just means safer medically. Legality does not determine ethics or morality.

Palin is the only one...that has held ANY executive office in our country--if you're going to hold youth against someone, you have to hold it against obama as well. The age point is this: For months, all Senator McCain has said about Senator Obama is that Obama is too inexperienced, too young. And then McCain chooses a person to be his VP candidate who was mayor of a town smaller than the county seat of my county? Sure, Governor Palin has accrued two years experience, but how is that remotely adequate preparation to be the President of the United States? Because really, the VP could become the President without a moment's notice. Having no experience with government on a Federal level, and the opportunity to be the Leader of the Free World more quickly than a finger snap doesn't really sit well with me. Yes, I'm being a little picky, but the Senators Obama and Biden have experience on the Federal level.

guns? seriously? i highly doubt that just b/c Palin is a card carrying member of the NRA that she wants to throw guns off the back of a bus in an effort to put them into the hands of those who shouldn't have them--ridiculous--NO ONE wants more crime and "big guns in the hands of career criminals" I don't anticipate that happening. See? We sort of agree! Kinda? Maybe?

And now? It's Open Season at the discussion table. Join in, if you like. But be forewarned, do not be mean, like the anonymous person who asked if I ignore my grandparents because they are statistically dead. And for the record, they are dead, actually and statistically.