how I spent the last day of the year

8:05 am: Brushed my teeth. I know this might not be an activity worth mentioning, but I just really can't do anything with mung mouth. And no matter how much you like your mama, nobody's excited about a stanky good morning kiss.

8:07-8:50 am: Opened HB's door, threw up a little at the diaper smell emanating from the crib; brushed my teeth again. Got HB up, and choked it back for 15 more minutes while he had his morning snack at the boob buffet. I know you are asking yourself, "Why is she choking on barf when she could just change the nasty diaper and then nurse the baby?" The answer is that, well, the baby just plain won't be changed until he's been to the buffet. It's not worth the screaming and having to get poop out of the rug, and also out of my armpits. Post buffet, HB got a new, dry, happy diaper, and then got dressed. Note: post buffet activities took 26 minutes, and involved me crawling all over the floor and tackling the baby numerous times.

8:51-8:53 am: Pretended to take a nap.

8:55: Discovered I had actually fallen asleep. Hauled baby out of tub, opened big kids door to find Wee Man dressed in 29 layers of Miss O's clothes, down to the underwear. Shrugged, walked out of the room and into my bedroom. Dropped baby on bed next to the Mister and three sleeping cats. Shrugged, walked out of the room.

Somewhere between 9 and 10, the kids ate breakfast, and Miss O found out, much to her dismay, that Grandma had started her yearly oven cleaning and the house stunk like, well, oven cleaner, and she had to wait until after lunch to go. Her reaction: MY DAY IS RUINED!!!!!!! My reaction: I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!!!!! Also in that hour, Wee Man went down the street to the other Grandma's house, still wearing the entire contents of O's closet, and no diaper (oops!). Two hours later, Grandma Martha was really surprised to hear that when Wee Man said, "I pee in Sis's unnerwear," he meant what he said. Also in the 9 o'clock hour, The Mister sat down on the couch and slept until lunch. Consequently, steam began pouring out of my ears, and that fun activity lasted well into the afternoon. And HB took a nap.

9 am-12:30 pm: I clean my kitchen and throw things away. This is what I do when I am in a very bad mood and realize that talking is not a good option (especially considering The Mister was STILL ASLEEP!). So I clean things until I have a Better Attitude. It took a long time. I also had a little time out from cleaning to read some truly horrible books to Sis. Disney's The Return of Jafar was one. It was all I could do to stay awake. I actually spilled some coffee on myself as I nodded off. Must have been a writer's strike or something.

12:30: Wee Man came home in clothes The Mister wore as a wee bairn, and went to bed. Miss O went to Grandma of the Clean Oven, I ate leftover chicken wings, The Mister (now awake) went somewhere, and returned later on. HB woke up and ate leftovers, too. For about an hour and a half.

2:00: Wee Man woke up. We tried to watch a movie, but "Dis movie not funny a lot." So I popped in a second choice. Also "dis movie not funny". He struck out the side and ended up playing Dinosaur Family, where his great big plastic dino kisses the little dinos and tells them she loves them. "It the mama dinosaur, and dese guys the baby dinosaurs." Got it. This chain of events took almost three hours. I put HB in his crib three times, and he screamed himself violet, screamed and pooped, and then screamed himself hoarse. So what you were saying, HB, is that you don't really want to nap again today?

5:00: IT'S BEDTIME!!! Just kidding, it's dinnertime. Everyone ate, and The Mister gave the boys a bath. I did more laundry, emptied the dishwasher, and then did more laundry. This is the first mention of the laundry today, but it is such a constant activity, especially with three loads of diapers a week, that I don't really think about it.

7:00: HB was in his crib, screaming again. I suddenly realized that there was probably A Reason for the crying, so I gave him some Hyland's Homeopathic Teething Tablets. HB almost instantly was soothed, he laid down his weary noggin and went to sleep. Not so much with the others, though. Wee Man was up finishing his dinner and not actually pooping on the potty for another 40 minutes.

8:00: Miss O came home, and ate everything that was not frozen. That took 90 minutes, in which time I did more laundry, and spent lots of time standing by the toaster oven waiting for her leftovers to warm up.

9:30: I sat down in the least comfortable chair in the house, recorded my very ordinary day, and now am going to bed. The Mister has a bar gig tonight, and it will run very late. So I get the whole bed to myself, and I won't even have to wear earplugs until 5 tomorrow morning, when he gets to bed. I'm actually glad I'm home, and not at a party where I'd have to stay up and Be Nice and Dress Up and Be Freezing. And I have no Resolution. I am making no Major Changes in my life. I am going to keep doing variations on the same thing I did today. Because it ain't broke.