Friday night, whilst checking my blog stats email, I noticed a distinct, and particulary offensive odor in the air. I called The Mister in, because of his roles as Major Source of Offensive Odors and Head Person In Charge of Containment and Removal of Offensive Odors.
It smells.
I don't smell anything.
It smells like skunk.
I don't smell skunk.
You can't smell. I am telling you there is some sort of skunk issue going on here.
I don't smell anything that smells like an issue.
Skunk.
I thought maybe one of the stupid cats had decided to throw down with a skunk. Because, umm, STUPID! cats. I went to bed. The bedroom? Smelled like a skunk. The bathroom? Smelled like a skunk. For fun sometime? You should be pregnant with a proclivity for vomiting, and try to go in your bathroom to brush your teeth when it's gavomitous with skunk spray. That's right. I said gavomitous. Look it up if you need to know.
Yesterday, at work, I called The Mister to see if the children were still alive.
Yes.
That's great.
It smells like skunk.
I know it smells like skunk. Have you looked into that?
Ummm, I think I may have left the back door open and the skunk might be in the basement.
Are you kidding me? I have asked you ninetyeleventwenty gazillion times to close the door because the stupid cats bring dead things in for me to admire and drag away, and now there is a &^c#!n% skunk in the basement. Brilliant.
(Have you forgotten about this incident? I HAVEN'T!)
Well, I have to pick up some toilet paper after work, so I'll call you later to see if I'm actually coming home or not. And babe? I HATE SKUNKS!
I'm supernice.
But I did go home.
And now? It stinks like skunk. STILL. The new hypothesis is that the skunk is under the front porch. Which is much better than in my home. But? IT STILL STINKS LIKE A FREAKING SKUNK. And me? I still hate skunks.
So The Mister decided to smoke the skunk out from under the front porch. At two in the afternoon. And now? It stinks like a skunk in a house fire. AWESOME!!! He just came in the house. His conclusion?
Skunks are nocturnal. It's asleep with its nose buried someplace, and it's not going anywhere.
That is great news, and why? Because neither is the skunk smell. We are just going to sit here and marinate in the odoriferous eminations of the stupid skunk.
It smells.
I don't smell anything.
It smells like skunk.
I don't smell skunk.
You can't smell. I am telling you there is some sort of skunk issue going on here.
I don't smell anything that smells like an issue.
Skunk.
I thought maybe one of the stupid cats had decided to throw down with a skunk. Because, umm, STUPID! cats. I went to bed. The bedroom? Smelled like a skunk. The bathroom? Smelled like a skunk. For fun sometime? You should be pregnant with a proclivity for vomiting, and try to go in your bathroom to brush your teeth when it's gavomitous with skunk spray. That's right. I said gavomitous. Look it up if you need to know.
Yesterday, at work, I called The Mister to see if the children were still alive.
Yes.
That's great.
It smells like skunk.
I know it smells like skunk. Have you looked into that?
Ummm, I think I may have left the back door open and the skunk might be in the basement.
Are you kidding me? I have asked you ninetyeleventwenty gazillion times to close the door because the stupid cats bring dead things in for me to admire and drag away, and now there is a &^c#!n% skunk in the basement. Brilliant.
(Have you forgotten about this incident? I HAVEN'T!)
Well, I have to pick up some toilet paper after work, so I'll call you later to see if I'm actually coming home or not. And babe? I HATE SKUNKS!
I'm supernice.
But I did go home.
And now? It stinks like skunk. STILL. The new hypothesis is that the skunk is under the front porch. Which is much better than in my home. But? IT STILL STINKS LIKE A FREAKING SKUNK. And me? I still hate skunks.
So The Mister decided to smoke the skunk out from under the front porch. At two in the afternoon. And now? It stinks like a skunk in a house fire. AWESOME!!! He just came in the house. His conclusion?
Skunks are nocturnal. It's asleep with its nose buried someplace, and it's not going anywhere.
That is great news, and why? Because neither is the skunk smell. We are just going to sit here and marinate in the odoriferous eminations of the stupid skunk.
Oh, no. Skunk smell + pregnant lady = major troubles. I have to confess though, the smell of skunk always reminds me of my wedding day. My husband ran over a dead skunk on his way to the wedding and our car sat out in the hot sun whilst we said our vows. By the time we headed out for our honeymoon night, that car had the skunk stank baked right in.
ReplyDeleteoh wow. bleck! and ack! once upon visiting my parents in NY, my husband mistakenly let out their dog who, of course, came upon a skunk...i'm pretty sure that dog smelled like skunk for the ENTIRE summer. disgusto!
ReplyDeletei hope your skunk smell dissapates soon!
Oh honey. Have you read this one? http://hotfessional.com/2007/08/16/not-everyone-can-be-me/
ReplyDeleteSkunk stank is HUGE.
you have lots of "things" I promise I won't giggle. to your face, or very loud.
ReplyDeleteAlways,
Buddy
Use the strongest force in nature to get rid of your problem animal... instinctive fear.
ReplyDeleteNo, not scary pregnant face lady. Not 4 kids with torches and pitchforks. And not even Sam Adams Cranberry Lambic (seriously, the stuff is rough). What you need is some of them there fox piss pellets: http://www.amazon.com/Shake-Away-Repellent-Granules-8004520/dp/B000BO4XZI. Or Uncle Know it All with his .22.
Oh my gosh there is nothing worse I have skunk smell, it smells like burnt garlic. If smelling it under your pourch is bad, get sprayed by one at point blank range, becuase your dog who is on a 3 foot leash thinks its a cat, in the dark. yeah nice!
ReplyDeletethat should be "I hate skunk smell" not I have
ReplyDeleteI knew Uncle I Know Things would have all the answers. Thank the Lord for that guy's expertise.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing worse than that would be having something die in your duct work. Shudder. Hope it goes away soon.
ReplyDeleteOh dear god, no. Skunk is bad enough. But pregnant with a skunk under your porch? Seriously gavomitous. (So stealing that word!)
ReplyDeleteI hope he exits the premesis soon.