Saturday, May 30, 2009

it was a great night out except for the first five minutes.

I am having the Birthday That Never Ends. Last night, my friend K Who Lives Up The Street took me out for sushi.

Let's pause a moment to reflect on the beauty and extreme yumminess of the sushi.







And let's not confuse my friend K Who Lives Up The Street with my other friend K Who Lives In The Middle Of The State, or my friend K Who Lives in Ohio, or my friend K Who Lives Ten Minutes North Of My House. I know, it can be confusing. Much thanks to the seventies for bringing K back.

Also, because I'm all about the K today, if you haven't tried K hard cider, you totally should. Because it's good, that's why. And K + Chambourd = happy mama. Try it.

Back to mah girlie date with K Who Lives Up The Street. She came down the street to pick me up because she is a classy dame. And as fate would have it, we were dressed alike because we's some classy dames. Brown shirt, dark blue jeans... except I had a supercute babeh I was wearing as my most obvious accessory. I was wearing that guy in a green and blue paisley reversible sling that I had finished making only seconds after my friend K Who Lives Up The Street walked in the door. Because I'm a crafty, classy dame, and don't you forget it.

Eventually we left my house, and hopped in her cute little car to go to Rochester.

Here's where the Bad, Bad Thing happened.

But not to us, so just relax.

There is a little section of the major road, we'll call it Route 98, just for fun, and well, because that's what road it is, where there are four lanes. And because all of us are clever? We call it The Four Lanes. Honest to God, that's what we call it.

Well, people drive like complete jackasses at The Four Lanes. The extra two lanes are turning lanes, actually, but jackasses believe them to be PASSING ON THE RIGHT AT INTENSELY EXCESSIVE SPEEDS LANES.

The car in front of us stopped. The two cars coming at us in the opposite lane stopped. We stopped. The Complete Jackass behind us? FLOORED IT AND PASSED ON THE RIGHT.

And she killed Mr. G's grandson's beagle that Mr. G was dogsitting while his son recuperated from surgery.

Jackass Dog-Killer.

Everybody pulled over, and I got out, Jackass Dog-Killer just sat there, and people came out of the houses to see what the deal was. Fortunately, the dog died immediately, and didn't suffer or gross me out. I walked over to the Jackass Dog-Killer's car and looked at her with my Scary Teacher Eyes.

Good job, I said. That could have been a kid.

And I muttered, Asshole.

Which was not the right thing to do, but that's between me and God and I apologized to Him for saying something that I shouldn't have said even though it was true. I apologize quite a lot for saying things I shouldn't say even though they are true.

Then I got back in my friend K Who Lives Up The Street's car and we went to eat raw fish. And we liked it. The end.

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15 comments:

  1. I have this vision of God saying the same thing to that person...then looking around quickly to see if anyone heard Him say it.

    Glad to hear the rest of the evening went much better. 'Cept now I want some sushi, and I just ate breakfast. Bacon just isn't the same.

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  2. I would have called him an asshole too.

    Glad to hear you enjoyed the rest of your night out!

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  3. It's good you called him an asshole. He might not have felt bad enough to have learned a real lesson. Thank God it wasn't a kid.

    Last night I dreamt that you and the Mister lived down the street from Styro and me! And I saw the Mister walking with a wagon and four kidlings. I can be your neighbor M.

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  4. My only neighbor M right now is my MIL... and I call her MIL, so you could *totally* be my neighbor M.

    FYI, we like to have bonfires and drink beer and eat marshmallows at least once a week. Hope that works for you guys.

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  5. AWFUL.

    And I don't twitter, or else I would certainly follow you!

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  6. poor Mr G's grandson ... poor Mr G for having to tell said grandson that someone killed his best friend

    I don't twitter. I still refuse. So can't follow you - sorry :)

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  7. That totally sucks. Which makes me really glad you said that to her. Plus the teacher glare - take that, asshole!

    Happy to hear you enjoyed your raw fish!

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  8. This was so not the post to read after finishing Stephen King's Insomnia.

    I'm going to get fetal in the corner now, thank you. And I'm out of vodka, so dammit, it's going to be really scary.

    I still love you, btw.

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  9. I might have done the exact same thing! That is just awful.

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  10. That word wasn't even a bad word when Jesus was on Earth. And what makes it a bad word anyway? It's just a word. Is it the intent behind it? Because if that's the case, I can say "potato" in the wrong way and be totally cursing you out. (which I'm not because I love you and I would totally never do that to you)

    I agree with Irish Gumbo. I think if God had been standing there, He would have totally said something like that. Besides, if Christ lives in us, then aren't we His ambassadors? So, what makes you think that God didn't give you the bright idea to call him an asshole, anyway? NO APOLOGIES NECCESSARY!

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  11. Horrible. The only bright side I can see is that hopefully she learned her lesson and maybe that poor dog saved a child's life?

    Glad you've had a fun birthday though.

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  12. I know this is off-topic, but it is killing me what you folks call a major road up there.

    I heart Upstate NY.

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  13. Mmmm, sashimi. How would God have felt if someone would have dragged jackass out of his car and stuck his nose in Mr. G's dog?

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  14. How about K who lives in PA?

    Who, by the way, would never eat raw fish because raw fish = bait.

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  15. Enjoyed reading your blog! You have great voice in your writing!

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talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.