I went to WalMart. I didn't want to, I swear. I only go there when I have a very specific list of items I require and when not all of those items are available at Right-Wing Target.
The list: fresh ginger, white labeling stickers, canning jars. Right-Wing Target does not carry fresh ginger. The grocery store might not have had any stickers. Do you see my dilemma? WalMart it was.
Oddly enough, the short people and I made it alive through the store *and* found the items on the list *and* my head did not explode. Also, one of the employees remarked to me that my people were the best-behaved short people who had been in the store all day.
And then we got to the checkout.
Ahead of us was an early thirty-ish woman, a little bit shorter than I am (I'm about 5'6"), about 50 pounds heavier than I am (ahem, and no), with glasses and a very unique hairstyle. I'm using the term hairstyle very loosely here, and that is something coming from me, because my hairs are not having any of this styling nonsense. She was rocking the Ponytail With The Buzz Cut Underneath. Which is fine for some people, and she apparently really pulled off the look. She was also purchasing one of everything that WalMart had to offer.
The cashier was male, about six feet tall, weighing in around 275, and looked like he spent the entire summer, in all its sunny beautifulness, locked in a basement playing Duck Hunt. Or at WalMart, earning the well-deserved title of SLOWEST CASHIER ON THE PLANET.
The cashier asked PonyBuzz for her driver's license. He carefully examined it, and then said some garbled nonsense, the only part of said nonsense that made any connection with my brain was YOU ARE MUCH TOO OLD TO...
I was completely distracted from the pretty candy bars next to me. My head snapped up. My face did the OH, NO YOU DI'INT. Pony Buzz and I looked at each other, our eyes locked in the solidarity only outraged women can know.
And then he said it again.
So I asked, Did the phrase 'you are much too old' just come out of your mouth?
He looked at me stupidly, and nodded as if that sort of garbage was commonplace.
I said, Did anybody ever tell you that you should NEVER, EVER, EVER tell a woman she is much too old?
Obviously not, which was evidenced by his EXPLAINING HOW PONYBUZZ WAS MUCH, MUCH TOO OLD for blahblahblahblah...
He's defending himself, I said to PonyBuzz, who wore the look of someone who was just about to be vindicated.
There are a few rules in this lifetime. The first is never get involved in a land war in Asia. The second is never tell a woman she is old, and especially do not tell her she is much too old.
The man was just plain baffled. But PonyBuzz walked away with her head held high, knowing that the (clearly much older) mouthy lady with the cart full of kids and canning jars had her back.
Apparently that dog was much too old to learn a new trick.