Friday, September 26, 2008

it all started with an innocent trip to the midwife, and also a LAUNDRY TREE GIVEAWAY

Got Miss O on the bus, MIL took Wee Man to preschool and the H-Bomb for a ride in the wagon. I hopped in the car to have my 12 week checkup.

It began badly. As you may know, all trips to the obstetrician/midwife start in the bathroom. Providing a sample. Yes, of pee. They stick things in your pee and determine a host of things, none of which I care to discuss right now. And so I got my handy-dandy pee cup, and went over to the toilet. And then I stopped, gagged with abandon, and ran out of the bathroom. Except for the part where I couldn't unlock the door, because my mind's eye was focusing on the ENORMOUS ITEM left in the toilet, so I couldn't actually see the lock.

If you are assuming that the enormous item looked remarkably like poop, you are assuming correctly.

Then the pleasant nurse dressed in BRIGHT YELLOW SCRUBS informed me that my midwife was delivering a baby, and I'd be seeing the OB, if that was alright with me. Absolutely, sistah! It is alright, because when I am having my baby, I'm going to be the girl with the midwife in the room, and all the other girls can wait their turns.

He came in eventually, he being the OB, and he is a very nice man, and an excellent doctor, and it was good. He told me I would have my next ultrasound at 18-ish weeks along (about 5.5 weeks from now). That reminded me that my midwife told me at my last appointment that I needed a follow-up to my previous ultrasound, because the ultrasound person noticed a little bleeding in my uterus. And that I lost the prescription for said follow-up ultrasound. OOPS! I asked him to write another one, which he was happy to do.

Fabulous.

When I got to my car, I called the scheduling people at the hospital to, ummm, schedule the ultrasound. I gave her my name, birthdate, address, bank account numbers, children's social security numbers, etc, to confirm who I was. She asked me to read her the info on my prescription, and I did.

Apparently, OB had written a supersecret code on the paper that led the Scheduling Lady to believe I was having an obstetric crisis of mammoth proportion.

I had no idea what the heck she was talking about.

YOU ARE HIGH RISK!!! YOU MUST COME IN TODAY!!!

Who's high risk? I'm not high risk. I am having a very normal, average, relatively uneventful pregnancy.

YOU ARE HIGH RISK!!! DR. OB SAID SO!!! THAT IS WHAT THE CODE MEANS!!!

Nobody said anything to me about being high risk.

WELL, IT SEEMS THAT YOU ARE.

Slowly, slowly, my brain got very twisty and confused. I got stress in me. I started to become edgy and unpleasant. And I was pretty pissed at Dr. OB. Because why is this random Scheduling Lady giving me MY OWN MEDICAL INFORMATION?!?!?!

?!?!?!?

I scrambled, and by scrambled, I mean my fingers scrambled across my keypad as I texted and phoned everyone I know to find a warm body to hang out with the boys while I got ultrasounded.

Finally, finally, my heroine of the day called me back and said she'd love to help out. In the meantime, I had caused stress in, well, everyone I know, trying to find a sitter.

I got to the appointment, and the Ultrasound Lady was very confused by me. She was expecting a crazy, weepy pregnant woman in the very throes of a miscarriage or some other pregnancy nightmare. All she got was me, tired and not sure of what was going on, or what the problem was.

It was just weird.

I am very thankful and happy to tell you that the one baby in my belly is alive and well, kicking and moving about like a happy little creature. And there is no bleeding. And no crisis.

And when I got home, I did call my midwife to tell her about the ridiculousness that was my day, because I don't think that everything went as it should have gone. And I did cry on the phone with her, out of frustration and relief and exhaustion.

I took a little nap, and then made some macaroni and cheese (elbow pasta, milk, butter, salt, white pepper, cheddar and ricotta cheeses). Because nothing says "I am sorry you had a bad day" better than some serious, cheesy comfort food.

Well, a Maker's Mark and coke would be pretty good, too, but I've had enough excitement for one day.

*I know this isn't my usual tone, and it's probably not funny, and that is okay with me. It was a craptastic day, and sometimes the best I can do is craptastic.

And in honor of my craptastic day, I have teamed up with the folks from Laundry Tree and am giving away some supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Soap Nuts over the weekend. Laundry Tree loves the dayton time, and is giving two lucky commenters the entire Soap Nuts Starter Kit, with enough Soap Nuts to do 40 loads of laundry, your choice of essential oil, an extra wash bag, and a sample bag to share with a friend.

I'll accept entries for the giveaway until 12:01 a.m. Tuesday, September 30, and will determine the TWO winners sometime during the day Tuesday. To enter? Leave me a comment here, in this post. About what? you ask? Whatever you want. Tell me anything, and you'll be entered. The two winners will be chosen at random. Randomly. By a random method. Listen to the meaning there, not the actual words I used. That'dbesuperthanks.

In the meantime, I am going to take the weekend off. The fabulous Auntie Teff is coming to town, and we are going to do some serious organizational work on my house. I will see you all again on Tuesday, when I announce the lucky winners.

Try not to miss me.

26 comments:

  1. Hi There! Just came across your blog while working (very hard apparently). I had to keep reading your blog to find out what the heck Soap Nuts are. If they can get baby doo-doo out of diapers, I'm sold.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i'm so sorry your day was craptastic--but so happy your baby is kicky and bouncy--it is a good thing. maybe for your next giveaway you could send some of that mac & cheese meal you made b/c that sounds divine!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Is you midwife next to the hospital? cuz I love those MW....they are just the nicest coochie ladies around!:)

    and soapnuts? what the hay...i'd try them...if it takes care of poopie diapers...think what it could do with Walts "moo-moo" clothes :)

    Glad the wee one is just fine in momma's baby belly.

    BTW- Miss O has some serious hula talent there!

    Nice to read the mister is getting started on his new career path...wish him the best for me.

    Vanessa

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'd love to win some soapnuts and also sorry that you had a craptastic day. Happy to know that you are healthy- those medical peeps sure know how to get us worked up, by talking over us not to us, right?

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm thinking soap nuts would be good for dirty squirrels. ;-)

    Seriously - with three men in the house? They'd be GREAT

    ReplyDelete
  6. Pamela!
    WOW, sorry about that really stinky day. I think I should do a give away/fun-prize-thing on my blog so I might get some comments. I usually just threaten people, but my bulk isn't very persuasive. I am really happy to hear that the baby is doing super-de-duper. That takes one urgent prayer item down to regular prayer item. And, PS, I am someone you can call when you are having an especially stinky day, I am a good de-escalator and a possible babysitter.
    XOXO
    Joce

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm so glad things are better. I was worried when I didn't hear from you yesterday but then again, it was like midnight your time when I decided to call and well...that wouldn't be very nice at all! Miss you!

    =)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm sorry to hear about your day being so horrible! And to have to find a babysitter in a frantic must have been pretty nerve wracking! I'm glad to hear baby is okay!
    (Oh... and is that a new mac & cheese recipe? I still have yet to try the one you gave me like a year ago... horrible, I know.)

    ReplyDelete
  9. wait, ob's and m/w work in the same work building in NY?

    they don't play that nice in TN, from what i've heard.

    Soapnuts! i'm dying to try some, really :).

    love the blog!

    ReplyDelete
  10. oh, i just LOVE OB's.. mighty fine people them... mmm yeah.

    No really.

    lol.. soap nuts.. I never knew soap had nuts. (then again, I still don't get chicken 'nuggets' either..) but hey, i use cloth diapers, so maybe i needs me some soap nuts??

    glad to hear your little nublet is ok in da belly.

    ReplyDelete
  11. @annda m.
    yeah, not so rare. just depends on what kind of midwife it is. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yeah, so... I got a text from The Missus saying that there was something the matter with my children. Not all that uncommon really. I didn't find out what she meant until I heard about the bad day. Yeesh.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm sorry to hear about your yucky day...but it all ended well...your baby is an active Dayton...and you got to see me at the parade! YIPPIE!! Hey, I have yucky well water, do you think those soap nuts will help with that? Or even the oil smell in Wade's clothes from his work? Hope you have a great "organizational" weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I need to come back and read this when crying children aren't grabbing at my ankles. But, you, my dear have won an award at my place. Come check it.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Don't you love panic-y docs? Reminds me of when I fell during my first pregnancy and they hooked me up to all of these monitors - and forgot about me! Seriously, it was 5:30 and no one had come to let me go home. I called the office's main number and got the answering service. No lie! They sent someone over (20 minutes later) to unhook me and let me go home!

    Anyhoo, I'm not sure how I stumbled on here, but I read your review of Soap Nuts and actually went to their site and ordered the sample. Hope they relieve some of hubby's excezma. He and Thing 1 have been suffering lately!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Sorry to hear you had a craptastic day. I hope you have a great visit though!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Ok, I have never seen half you people on here before leaving comments, you blood sucking SOAP NUT freaks! I want mine too ya know! pick me PICK ME pick me!!!!!




    PS: Glad its a babY I was seriously thing the babIES! ENJOY THE WEEKEND! hope to actually see you saturday!

    ReplyDelete
  18. um yeah, that would be sunday, damn that drink at dinner tonight!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Well, glad everything was ok. It was stressful, yes, but in the end, better safe than sorry, right?

    And I need me some serious laundry juju. :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. I can't believe there was a log in the potty. That is gross.

    Glad you're baby in utero is doing fine though.

    Hurray for soap nuts! They may not look like much, but I've read your testimony and I'd be honored to win your nuts.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I would have to agree that Jocelyn is a great de-escalator! Glad to hear that things turned out alright.

    Great bribe by the way;o)

    Kara

    ReplyDelete
  22. Glad everything is ok. Hope the organizing with Teff is going well! See you next weekend, and hopefully you will be handing me some soap nuts too :-)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Delurking for the cause here!!
    Pick me, pick me oh random one!!

    Long time reader - first time comment"er" - comment"or"...???

    Thanks - Michelle K.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Glad everything turned out OK with the baby. Days like that are so much harder when you're pregnant, tired, have to pee constantly and easily dissolve into tears.

    Also? I'm desperate to try the Soap Nuts since your post. Partly because I like to say, "Soap Nuts." Ooh, I hope I win!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I missed the deadline, but if I'd checked sooner I'd say I should get the damn nuts, because well, you got my birthay candy my mother gave me. Only because it was used as a peace offering. But that's not the point anymore. Maybe I should just come out there and hang out again.

    ReplyDelete

talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.