Thursday, July 2, 2009

driving back from le maison well-read

It went a little something like this:

POUNDING MYSELF IN THE FACE WITH A 2X4 FOR 67 MINUTES.

Stop for an hour, because it takes that long to get everyone out of the car, to the bathroom, diapers changed, back to the car, back to the bathroom, back to the car, refill the water, dole out the snacks, buckle the seatbelts, curse under the breath, start car and go.

POUNDING MYSELF IN THE FACE WITH A 2X4 FOR 22 MINUTES.

Stop for way more than an hour, because it takes that long to get everyone out of the car, to the bathroom, diapers changed, play on the playground, back to the car, back to the bathroom, back to the car, refill the water, dole out the snacks, buckle the seatbelts, pray for bourbon, start car and go.

POUNDING MYSELF IN THE FACE WITH A 2X4 FOR 53 MINUTES.

Stop for an hour, because it takes that long to get everyone out of the car, to the bathroom, diapers changed, back to the car, back to the bathroom, back to the car, refill the water, dole out the snacks, buckle the seatbelts, curse under the breath, start car and go.

POUNDING MYSELF IN THE FACE WITH A 2X4 FOR 47 MINUTES.

Stop for an hour, because it takes that long to get everyone out of the car, in the Waffle House, ordered, fed (except not really, because they didn't eat), to the bathroom, diapers changed, back to the car, back to the bathroom, back to the car, buckle the seatbelts, curse under the breath, start car and go across the parking lot to the Calico Corners outlet to look for a Substitute Beloved Blanket. Which? No dice. In the car, buckle up, unbuckle, change a diaper, serve cheese to accompany the WHINE.

POUNDING MYSELF IN THE FACE WITH A 2X4 FOR 24 MINUTES.

Purchase dramamine.

POUNDING MYSELF IN THE FACE WITH A 2X4 FOR 84 MINUTES, WHILST CURSING THE MAKERS OF DRAMAMINE.

silence.

PINCHING MY EARLOBES TO STAY AWAKE.

The End.

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Epilogue: I got into bed and was so exhausted I was dreaming I was still driving, and if I closed my eyes and went to sleep I'd crash my car and die. It was messed up.

9 comments:

  1. dude, you did it. (where was the mister?) you did this adventure on your own with all 4 (four) of the cherubs! WOW! you are turly SUPERWOMAN! Way to go i applaude you! Three cheers from the Daniels 5!

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  2. Ouch. Maybe next time, put some bourbon in the car :)

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  3. you're scaring me! i'm about to do this by myself with just two kids!

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  4. So, you're supposed to give the dramamine to the kids. Because it makes them tired and they sleep in the car. At least, that's what it says on the back of the bottle.

    P.S. I googled it and semen is not a cure for heartburn. You got my husband all excited for nothing.

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  5. road trips are AWESOME.

    I did this with 4 kids while I was 7mo pregnant and J was at a wedding in CA. HOWEVER, it was only a 3hr drive and I only stopped once about 30min into it. No one was unbuckled. I threw the snacks at them and drove all the way to my parents.

    The End.

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  6. One time I did a 5-6 hour road trip with my two boys ALONE and about halfway there I realized what a mistake that was. But then I'm halfway between home and my destination and what do you do then? I thought about just getting an apartment and moving there just so I wouldn't have to finish driving.

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  7. You? Make me laugh. I'm glad you're my friend.

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  8. Ah...the joys of family road trips! Anything over two hours and I can't handle it...the fighting, the slapping, the whining....and that's just my husband! hee hee

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talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.