let's lighten things up with a giveaway!

So here's the thing. Sometimes you get an offer you can't refuse. And let me tell you people, this is the case. Uprinting.com and Digital Room are teaming up with bloggers to give away 250 custom greeting cards. All free and stuff. Well, you pay postage, and that's a small price to pay for a gazillion cards. Or 250. Either way.

I know some of you are thinking What could I possibly do with that many custom greeting cards or custom postcards? Well friends, I'm glad you asked. Because I've cooked up a fantastic list of how to use 250 custom greeting cards.

• Send a card to each of your three college roommates. Ask them how they are doing. (3)
• Send thank you notes for your wedding; start writing now, so that you can have them mailed by the time your 8th anniversary rolls around. (100/103)
• Make one of those funky collages using the same picture again and again, all tiled and stuff. Put it in a frame and you will have some serious art for your walls. So what if you don't have pictures of your 3rd and 4th children up on your walls? (16/119)
• Begin a letter-writing campaign to the USPS to reduce the price of stamps...write one letter a day for two months, address them for your neighbors, too. Neighbors appreciate when you do nice things for them. (60/179)
• Write a letter to your bestest friend who kept you from completely losing your shit at the Museum of Play on Wednesday when your 2.5 yo ran away. And hid. And security had to locate him. Tell her she's great, and also? Thanks for the chocolate and fresh raspberry thingy she bought you at Stever's Chocolates. (1/180)
• Write a letter to your other bestest friend who listened to your sob story about almost completely losing your shit at the Museum of Play on Wednesday. And who told you it was okay to pack the shorties up and go home. And that it was also necessary to go to the chocolate store before driving home. Tell her she's great, and also? Thanks for the visit today and bringing the tomatoes over so we could eat yummy tomato soup. (1/181)
• Write the letter to the school district telling them you're homeschooling; another to Kindergarten teacher to let her know the decision to pull Miss O had nothing to do with her. (2/183)
• Write a note to the ten people you admire most. I did this last Christmas. People were flattered. (10/193)
• Mail a card anonymously. Don't put any ridiculous stuff in it like bomb threats, or powdery white stuff. Unless you're mailing it to somebody you really hate, in which case you should really consider how you feel about, you know, JAIL. (1/194)
• Send a birthday card to one person a month for a year. You'll be doing way better than me, actually. I pretty much always forget people's birthdays unless a) I pushed them out of my body; b) I sleep with them; c) they are my sibling, or a sibling of someone I sleep with; d) they are a grandparent to someone I pushed out of my body; e) they have the same birthday as me. (12/206)
• Have another baby and send birth announcements to, oh, say, 44 people. (44/250)

Well, looky there. Using my eleven step plan, you, too, can use up your 250 free greeting cards.

Here's what to do:

1. Leave me a comment telling me one way you would use some free, custom greeting cards. This entry is mandatory. If you do not do this, nothing else matters. Kind of like Metallica.
2. Follow my blog via Google Friend Connect.
3. Send me dark chocolate. Really good dark chocolate. Bad dark chocolate will be fed to the neighbor's dog. Chocolate must be received by September 3rd in order to count as an entry.
4. Babysit my kids for an evening for 15 extra entries. What? Me and The Mister need to have sex a date.

There will be TWO WINNERS!!! Each winner will receive an email coupon code for the following:

• 250 5"x7" Half-Fold Greeting Cards, 10 pt cover in matte or glossy finish
• Full color outside, blank inside

The winners must be from the good ol' USofA, and the winner must pay the postage. You know I'm a bleeding heart liberal and I'd love, love, love to give all kinds of free things to people of every nationality, but that's just not how this contest, or the world, works.

Comments close September 3, 2009, at 9 pm, and a winner will be chosen at 9:01 pm, or when I get around to it. Please include your email address in your comment so that I can congratulate you.