Tuesday, November 29, 2011

some items for your consideration

1. My hips are more cooperative than they were at this time last week. Thanks so much for your kind words and emails. The Internet People are so lovely.

2. I have developed a new marketing strategy for the Diva Cup, and it is called OCCUPY MY VAGINA. If the Diva Cup people aren't interested, I may pitch the p.0.r.n people. Those guys need at least one new idea. Or so I hear from the guy that does lights for The Mister.

3. I am not actually going to pitch any of my ideas, clever or otherwise, to the p.0.rn people. Just for the record. Real live people who live their real lives near me have been confrontational regarding my beliefs lately, and I would hate to cause any more disruption to them. And to me. But I will totally tweet this post tomorrow and I will @DivaCup because at the very least they should send me a spare to keep in my glove box JUST IN CASE.

4. Henry turned five. This is the first time in my life that only 25% of my short people are preschool-aged, and fortunately for me, I have 2.25 more years to enjoy it.

5. On Thursday, The Mister and I will celebrate our tenth anniversary. I use the word 'celebrate' loosely. What I really mean is that he will go to work before I get up, and I will likely disrupt him at work by phoning him four times to ask inordinately stupid questions highlighted only by my complete inability to form a cohesive sentence with my mouth and my surprising ability to completely forget every single word in my working vocabulary. After which time he will find himself working very late because it's Advent and he works for the Wesleyans and they are quite the overachievers. And then I will go to bed because it is very late and he will go to bed when he gets home.

And perhaps there will be a snacky treat for me when I get up the next day after he has gone to work, and perhaps I will only phone him three times instead of four. Because if I have learned anything in the last ten years, it is that The Mister's Love Language is NOT CALLING WHEN HE'S AT WORK FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SACRED. (That Language applied when he did not even work for Jesus in an official capacity, too.)

6. I have decided that when we are enormously wealthy and before the short people go away to be Responsible For Themselves, I will consider it mandatory that I have my own dedicated employee who will anticipate my wants regarding coffee, handle all of the laundry, and mop and vacuum every single day in addition to every time the people maliciously drop crunchy food items on the floor and crunch the items into a bajillion pieces with their feet. I would also like a giant-sized ironing board so I can iron enormous pieces of fabric without having to deal with the stupid pointy end of the ironing board.

7. Happy Tuesday, y'all.

Thursday, November 24, 2011


My hips are on strike this week, along with my right thumb and a tiny, but crucial place in my lower back. Most of the time I can stand up straight like a normal person, but sometimes I just cannot.

I am easily embarrassed, which might come as a surprise to some; I am horribly self-conscious. I use smart-ass comments and self-deprication to diffuse and hide. But this. There is no witty anything that will make me forget that my body doesn't work right. There is no joke here, nothing humourous whatsoever. There is no hiding.

I cleaned part of my living room today, removed the toys, reclaimed flat surfaces, filled the giveaway bag and a trash bag. It was less than an hour's worth of work, and I couldn't do any more. Didn't vacuum, didn't dust, didn't even take the trash outside.

In everything, give thanks.

Oh God, I am having a hard time giving thanks. I am sad that I am not able to do my job well, I resent the pain and the hindrances and the exhaustion. I want to do and serve and be able. I want to be able. I want to be able-bodied, to do and walk and work and play. I want to see the point of my current state; how do I use my pain for good?

I am thankful for my husband and our short people, for dear ones that lend an ear or a sponge and elbow grease. I am thankful for our home and the food we eat and that The Mister has secured his dream job and is happier than I've seen him in the ten years we have been married.

I have so much to be thankful for, I know this in my deepest spirit. I rejoice in these things, but even in the midst of that I feel weighed down by this frustrating disease. I want there to be something good to come from this. It doesn't need to be a big or important or revolutionary, a tiny quiet something would be just as lovely. Please. And thank you.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

so that's new.

check this out.
i'll be posting on odd-numbered days.
why? because i can.

Monday, November 7, 2011


Today Jon starts his new-new job, and he has the day off. Pretty sweet, if you ask me. He was hired by a big church in the Buffalo area and is their audio engineer. And he is playing a part in the Christmas movie. The church makes a Christmas movie. BECAUSE IT'S EASIER.

Today we will school, and I will watch as other people rake my lawn.

Today I will launder things, and I will fold and put away one load at a time. I may only do one load of laundry, but drawers will be in drawers.

Today I will not make dinner. I will make coffee and bread.

Today I will think about knitting and checking things off my Sewing List of Doom. I should probably rename it so I am able to actually check items off the list.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

some items for your consideration, part does anybody even keep track anymore?

1. You know when short people pretend they're not sick? Well, maybe they're not really faking, more like they're not entirely convinced they're sick? Elliott is trying his hand at that, poor lad. But on the plus side, he's a really great cuddler.

2. Elliott is also fascinated with eyebrows now, too, which means he's a fabulous Eye Poker-Outer. Big fun.

3. This week is my least favorite week of the year. And no, not because of Halloween, although I will admit that I am not a fan. The Mister always has a week-long gig, on top of working a normal full-time gig, so he is gone like the wind. I like to think of it as Single-parenting Appreciation Week, because I have a renewed perspective by, say, Monday evening, of how good I have it. All of you who take care of your babies and your homes and your jobs and never get a break? I have so much respect for what you do. And I get that you just have to do your life because it's your life, but it doesn't make what you do any less spectacular because you have to do it.

4. Speaking of Halloween, I am praying that it snows so that I do not have to take the short people Begging Door To Door For Candy They Will Not Eat Because I Got To It First.

5. I don't think there is such a thing as Too Much Rice. This is because I love me some rice. I would claim to be the Bubba Gump of Rice if I were into hyperbole, but my friend Rebecca already claimed that title and would probably tell you an embarrassing story about how I stood in her kitchen, eating a container of her adobo mayonnaise, one fingerful at a time, while making weird noises and faces. OH WAIT. (There's a freebie for you, Beccy.)

6. One of the short people has arrived at the stage where he or she finds it necessary to point out every detail of an experience and label it according to its value, which is a completely arbitrary measure. This is extremely irritating, and also, I have no idea where said short person acquired said skill. AHEM.

7. I would like to tell you about how I am feeling as if I have finally gotten the hang of homeschooling for the first time, but I wouldn't want to jinx it, so draw your own conclusions but do it quietly and not on my blog.  Please.

8.  I finished a superty adorable cardigan on Saturday, the first of a pretty large custom order, and it has cables and bobbles on it, which makes me feel kind of like Big Shot Knitter Pants.  Now I'm halfway through a bright yellow pullover for Henry.  Dude loves him some yellow.  I'll probably finish it this week.  He's all antsy.

9.  What are you up to these days?  I'm all out of the loop and stuff.