Friday, June 20, 2008

critters. i hates 'em.

Those cats I have!
Those cats I have!
I do not like those cats I have!

They will kill 'em in a box.
They will kill a big ol' fox.
They will kill 'em in a house.
They will kill a little mouse.

They will bring me birds and voles.
They will not kill any moles.
They leave them on the carpet, yes.
They eat the brains and leave a mess.

They bring them in alive and dead.
I do admit, it makes me red.
It makes me gag, it makes me yell.
I want the cats to go to hell.

This morning Sully, that little turd
Brought us one, part-dead bird.
He took it to Miss O's boudoir
He tossed it near, he threw it far.

He was so proud, so proud I say
But even so I took it away.
I swept it up with a broom
And took it out of the room.

It twitched its legs, it moved its beak
And that's when I really freaked.
This day has really traveled south!
I squealed and threw up in my mouth.

I love nature, this I ensure
Critters in my house? No more!
I admire them in the great outdoors
But not their bodies on my floors.

Update: The Mister read this poem out loud to Miss O. When he got to the line where I referred to the cat as a turd, she flipped. It seems that only Miss O is allowed to slander the cat. It is now more than 24 hours after she heard my poem (which she hates) and she is still angry I called Sully a Poop Turd. I wanted to tell her that any being, cat or man, who brings dead or partially dead critters into my Critter-Free Zone, er, House, is a turd. But that wouldn't have helped.


  1. not ashamed to say it... This made me giggle...

    when Sarah asked what was funny I simply answered with two words. "Pamela's Blog" she responded with the kinda of "oh" that says 'yeah that makes sense, guess I should have thought of that before I asked huh?' kinda of "Oh"

  2. This is great. I read it to everyone and we all laughed. Some people here are real cat lovers (not me) and they could relate.
    The GS stalkers


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.