some items for your consideration, fourth edition

Item the First:  Thank you, so very much, for all the kind words you gave me this week.  Things do tend to look differently after bourbon, or in the morning, or in the morning after bourbon, which in this case is an air-quotes "in the morning" because it pretty much took until today for things to look upward enough to be convincing.

I think it's important to say so when things are not good, just as it's important to say so when things are good.  More than one IRL person told me this week they were totally surprised that I ever felt overwhelmed and inadequate.  Y'all.  Really.  I'm just a mama over here.  I might be a little more quirky than the mama over there and a little more straight-laced than the mama in the other direction, but we're all just mamas, right?  

And when you said, You're not alone, or I get this, or I know how this feels, you weren't just saying it to me.  You said it to other hurting mamas who needed to hear it just as badly as I.  

So thank you.

Item the Second:  In addition to having a bad case of The Whatever That Was Last Weekend, I found myself having a case of the _____________ which led me to schedule an appointment with my midwife, who also performs regular vaginal maintenance procedures.  (And no, the correct answer to the fill-in-the-blank is not BABY IN MAH BELLAH, so pipe down over there.)  I just really don't think that you need a clear description of All Things Southerly, so I'm just going to be a little vague, and you're going to be happy about it.

This was not my yearly exam, because, well, I didn't actually have a yearly exam in 2009, because I was doing something else that did not involve duck-billed anythings in my places.   Except it turns out that when you plan to attend the gyno only when you have a case of the ______________, she will take advantage of you when you are scantily clad and in a relatively immobile position to swish as many swab-ish things as she can in order to secretly conduct your yearly exam.  Big trickster.

But then?  Good news, people!  She upped my meds.  For those of you who don't know, I flat out lost my shit when I was six months pregnant with Elliott, and started taking a low-dose SSRI.  Turns out that flat out losing your shit when you're pregnant is an actual, serious medical condition called antenatal depression.  Time magazine wrote a really great piece about it last February.

But then?  Bad news, people!  She told me I'm fat.  No, she didn't say the Eff word exactly (or the other eff word), but she said something about 20, no 25 pounds and so really speedy quick I stuck my fingers in my ears and sang the Smurfs theme song.  Classy, I know.  I can't even help it!

Item the Third:  Christmas was nice.  Hope you had a lovely Christmas, too, if you're a Christmas-er, or that last Saturday was a nice, plain old boring day if you're not a Christmas-er.  And thank you to my internetty pals who sent us cards.  The short people would open them and say Who are *those* people? and we'd say Blog people, and eventually the short people would open a card, have a look, and say something ridiculous about Pretend People From The Computer.  Except for WRH's card... they jumped up and down and shouted about The Well-Read Son and The Well-Read Daughter and demanded to return to Philadeedelphia at once.  Heh.  Not with that attitude, missy.  And mistery.  Mystery... Oh never mind.

Item the Fourth:  It is bloody cold in my house.  This whole BEING CHEAP thing is not for me.  Thank GOD for my boyfriend, Colin Firth.  I pop that fella in the microwave for three minutes, and he warms me down to the tips of my toes.  Sometimes he warms only my toes, if I make him sit on my feet.  And you know what?  He's okay with that.  And he always cuddles and never asks for anything more, no matter how hot he gets.  You should totally get your own Colin Firth.  (Spoiler alert:  shameless plug.)

Item the Fifth:  Laptop or iPod Touch.  Discuss.

Item the Sixth and Final:  Plans for New Years' Eve are as follows:  Feed the children dinner.  Make some popcorn in our new Whirly-Pop thingy.  Pop a movie in the DVD player and cuddle in bed with the short people whilst The Mister mixes some random bar band and earns a pocket o'cash.  Bed by nine.  I know.  We're terribly exciting.

so this is christmas.

And I am sitting here, at the computer.

I have a pint glass, full of diet soda and possibly quite a bit of bourbon.

Because I can.

It was quiet today, even though it was loud, louder, loudest.

The waking up!

And the gifts!

And the happy!

And the DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY _________ IT'S MINE I JUST GOT IT PLAY WITH YOUR OWN BRAND NEW _________.

Oy, and also vey.

I have reached a certain point with my short people.

A certain very critical point, possibly a crossroads of some sort, but who's to say, really?

Because more than anything, parenting well is about realizing you are at a point before you can even give a name or a purpose or a reason to the point.

I long to parent well, and I fear I do not.

Do you fear that, too?  Because from where I am perched, right this very minute, I feel alone.

I look and I watch and I calculate and I plan and I judge and I watch some more and I try to figure it all out.

I feel like I have too many children to do a good job.

And this is not a life-long truth; it is not even close to being a good assessment of my life, our life.

Do you ever feel that way, too?  Just once in a while, even?

Like you are in over your head, or you're soon about to be submerged by the requests and the needs and the I JUST WANT MY MAMA TO PLAY DINOS WITH MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because from where I am sitting, right here and now, I'm sinking.

They say it is a season, that things will not always be this way, but ohmygoodness.  When does the upswing begin?  And then they say, Heh. Well.  Enjoy it now because it only gets worse.  Who are these people whose lives suck more and more with each passing day, and why do I feel like I'm joining their club? 

I celebrate holidays with a full-out contemplation of my responsibilities.  I cannot explain it to you.  I cannot explain it to me.  I sat in my living room today amidst squeals of excitement and charming lovelies and warmth and full bellies and I feel...  I feel...  

I don't even know.  Inadequate, I guess.  And I hate inadequate more than anything.  Because those four little people do not deserve inadequate.  They don't deserve adequate, either, for that matter, and that I'm not even coming close to meeting the standard is causing my heart to hurt very much.

What's it doing to them?

some items for your consideration

1. Elliott has learned the fine art of screaming MINE!!!!
2. My church got itself a new pastor and due to a very long story that has no bearing on this story, which resulted in the sending of a few emails back and forth between New Pastor and Moi, New Pastor spent some time here.  And told me it was "interesting reading".  I would rather get to know someone in real life through, you know, ACTUAL REAL LIFE, than to have my first impression be the dayton time.  And not because I'm somebody entirely different here, but there's a line between The Actual Pamela Dayton Time and the dayton time.  Hello, awkward.
3. Remember my What the Fark, Amazon? post???  (Please be advised I used my Bad Words, and lots of them... people were giving that disclaimer on the effbooks about that post... gulpish.) Anyway.  Dude got arrested.  Hooray, Florida Law Enforcement!!! 
4. My official assessment of the current homeschooling situation in my house:  DISMAL.
5. My official assessment of the homeschooling situation in my house come January:  BETTERISH.  At least it had better be betterish.
6. I played Hair Roulette with my gal pal who cuts my hair.  I said Cut! Color!  And she went to town on my head.  Pictures later, after I've showered, and applied makeup to the black rings under my eyes.  Because right now I look a little bit like this:
   
   
   
7. Wee Man has learned the fine art of Pushing People's Buttons.  I have learned the fine art of NOT BEATING HIM.
8. I mailed out Christmas Cards.  Not because I'm especially awesome, but because mailing Christmas Cards is the only item on my very long bucket list that I have accomplished this month.  Granted, I've only been cultivating the bucket list for about three weeks now, but still.  I'm one step closer to being able to sleep through the night without having a single, solitary reason to wake up.
9. And yes, that was a little morbid.  But I am at the point in my life as a procreating person where I honestly believe I will be dead before I sleep more than three consecutive hours.
10. Almost all of our gifts this Christmas are handmade by me, or us, or by someone else. Except the Legos for Wee Man, and the Stocking Snacks.  I am really happy about that.  And while it *totally* makes me look like someone who PLANS THINGS to say I started knitting for Christmas in MARCH, please know it was not on purpose and I just happened to be (illicitly) shopping for yarn and the first Yarn Purchase Justification I could muster was BUT I'M KNITTING IT UP FOR YOUR MOM. FOR *CHRISTMAS*.  And I'm pretty sure he knew I was grabbing at straws or strings or whatever you kids are grabbing these days, but it's knitted up.  For his mom.  So there.

happy tuesday.

That's me, senior year of high school.
Ten points if you can name the musical.

that's a first.

You may congratulate me.  I have received my first official Cease and Desist letter.  I know.  I'm a total infringer.  


Here's the deal.  I made these adorable and cozy things:

  

And I made the mistake of calling them wris+ies.  


I came home this weekend to this:

by wristies profile shop contact

Listing: www.etsy.com/listing/62512746/butter-yellow-wristies hello - Your "Wristies®" are beautiful but would you please remove the word "Wristies" or Wristie from your products, website, and advertising? the word is Trademarked and using it without permission is not cool (and illegal). I'm sure it's an innocent issue, but we have rights to the word and would appreciate your cooperation. Best wishes for a successful holiday season, Susan Gregory President Wristies, Inc.

11 December 2010 1:34pm EDT

I really appreciate that she took the extra time to explain that using a trademarked word is not cool.  The thought of being not cool was really and truly what motivated me to take The Offending Word out of my listing.   I think that everything after the word is Trademarked is a bit unnecessary because really?  Intelligent people, even intelligent people who have committed an innocent issue, will understand the concept of The Trademark.

Rest assured, I have taken care of the innocent issue, quickly renamed my product (without consulting the googles) (again), and replied to her message.

by revelbaby profile shop   Susan, I had no idea that you owned the word 'wristies'. Of course I will remove it; I would never want to do something that wasn't cool (or that was illegal). I apologize for taking a few days to respond to your convo. I've been out of town and away from the computer. Have a lovely day. Pamela 13 December 2010 11:34am EDT

So. Do me a solid and just go purchase all the rest of my wristy-warmers before the owner of wristy-warmers-dot-com sends me a cease and desist letter, too.

somebody fix this. now. please.

So I told you about the little trip I'm taking, where LITTLE means IS TURNING INTO A COMPLETE AND UTTER NIGHTMARE.

(Quick aside:  don't forget to enter my superty cool giveaway for a $50 gift card to CSN Stores!)

Anyway.  Back to the nightmare.

I am the photographer for the wedding.  Which will be fun! and unstressful! and lovely!  Except.  I am bringing the short people because a Certain Someone has to work at His Certain Place of Employment all bloody weekend long.  

You might be wondering why I'm bringing the team with me to photograph a wedding in a land that is far, far away.  And to be perfectly honest with you?  I'M WONDERING, TOO.  Elliott is still nursing, and at the moment he's working on about four teeth, and he's not feeling well, so it's not really the right time to leave him.  (Although, he's getting four teeth, and is crabby, so leaving him is somewhat tempting.)  If I take Elliott, I'll need someone to take care of him in The Far Away Land whilst I'm quote-unquote working, and I'll *also* need someone to take care of the Other Three whilst A Certain Someone is quote-unquote working.  And I can't really afford to pay two babysitters to simultaneously watch my children at home and in The Far Away Land.

So I decided to take them all.

Except.  

And this is the part that makes me want to say all kinds of bad words.  I cannot find a place for us to stay.  There is one child-friendly Bed and Breakfast in the town, and there are three NOT AT ALL child-friendly B&B's.  Naturally, the child-friendly one has a three-room suite that is totally budget-worthy, and a sun room to play games and watch tv and stuff, and it is booked.  

There are hotels.  But none of them will let me, the four short people, and my take-along babysitter all stay in one room, which is NOT AT ALL what I want.  And none of them have adjoining rooms.  They don't even have accommodations suitable for one adult and four children (and no, the babysitter is not sleeping in the car, for heaven's sake, people).  I can't put some of my people in a locked room with my babysitter (this has nothing to do with her, she's lovely) all night long, because can you imagine being little and wake up in a dark room in a strange place and WHERE IS MY MAMA!!!!!!

I have a headache.  Tell me how to solve my problem.  Please.

we have a winner!

email me your address, manda.