Wednesday, June 11, 2008

we interrupt this day to bring you...

It would really be more accurate to say, We interrupt this five seconds to demand from you, but that might just make it sound like I'm being whine-y. And Lord knows we have enough whine around here. Enough wine? Not so much. It's sad, anyway you look at it.

But to make us feel better, and by US, I mean me and The Mister, not me and you, but if you wanted to swing by and share some of this with me:

Don't see it? The picture of the ENORMOUS and GIGANTIC bottle of Maker's Mark in my pantry?

Right. And this is why: I just. Drank. It. All.

And this is why: Due to the location of my computer (upstairs in the hallway, between the short people's bedrooms), I am often interrupted in my blogging/blog-reading/searching the internets activities by sounds of horrifying things coming from the room shared by the 2 tallest short people.

I give you today's edition of Is It Happy Hour Yet?

J: I have to pee.

O: Don't get out of bed. Mommy will be mad at you.

J: I have to pee.

O: Well run to the bathroom then. Hurry. Maybe she won't notice.

Me, thinking: AS IF, on so many levels. Maybe I won't hear your elephantine stomp through the whole upstairs. Maybe I won't notice your shiny white bottom streaking by me as I attempt to document this event for the whole world to see. Maybe...

J: I just pee in this cup right here.


J: I have too much pee for this tiny wittle cup. It's spillin' on the fwoor.

Me: Silent scream.

I walked into the room to see Jack holding a pink, plastic teacup with a volume of about 1.2 ounces, full of pee, and a colossal puddle on the floor.

I gently, but firmly encouraged wee Jack to get his pee-covered self into the bathroom to clean off. Jack, I said, what were you thinking? We don't PEE in CUPS. We pee in the TOILET.

And on trees. And in holes in the ground and on rocks. Says Master of Where To Use It Outside.

Right. That's for outside. But you don't pee in toys. That's gross. It's grosser than drinking the bathwater.

I know the risks of assumption, but there is someone close to us who regularly 'uses it' in Mountain Dew empties. Nothing says potential drink-induced bacterial infection like a plastic bottle holding a yellow liquid similar to the liquid it is intended to hold. I feel compelled to assume that this Person, He Who Will Not Be Named (for the moment, at least) has done this in front of my impressionable son.

And He Who Will Not Be Named Yet knows who He is. Be careful, you. There is a young lad equipped to take a mighty piss in your Mountain Dew. And a mama who just might give him a quarter to do it.


  1. The part that you missed was me telling the young lad to never EVER drink Mountain Dew that you find in Daddy's truck.

  2. Thanks!!!

    You gave Miles and I a good belly laugh. CR was a handful today but failed to supply any humor...I think that's ok.

    =) K

  3. Those boys. Grrrr. My little one's peeing in a cup was sparked by a trip to the doctor's office. The doctor wanted him to pee in a cup there, but he has a bit of stage fright. So he waited till he got home and while I was blissfully unaware he peed in a dixie cup at home. Thank God only a few drips on the floor. Anyways, he's done this several times now - seems to get some kind of thrill out of it. Not sure I will ever understand what's going on in that little head!!

  4. The drinking of the bacterial infection of the bottle is disgusting. BUT NOT PEEING IN THE BOTTLE IS A GREAT WAY TO AVOID TIHS. Pee in the toilet is my point, for Pete's sake.

  5. Thats why I only drink the cold Dews... anyways pee dew turns a slight brownish color after a few days (especially when you are dehydrated from drinking WAY too much caffeinated soda), making it significantly easier to distinguish from normal dew.


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.