Tuesday, January 15, 2008

re: the buffet

What EXACTLY was your point in sending us your new email address AND your "quasi-clever" self-serving blog making fun of my wife to the entire cyber-community? Your selfishness and lack of Christian witness notwithstanding, I totally agree with [wife's name here] that a woman exposing her breast to anyone and everyone who may happen to see/look in the middle of a church service (thank God I wasn't one of them) is inappropriate. This ain't Woodstock, kid. A person being able to do what you feel is absolutely allowable according to you and your "Civil Rights" advocates is not the issue here. In case you don't get it, the issue is a simple matter respect for the comfort and propriety of others around you. [Wife] finally said something after having to witness this more than just once. And for the record --- we were not sitting at the other end of the pew, as your malicious tale implied. The very least you could do is get your facts straight before you make another selfish attempt to bash the dignity of a fellow Christian. I would say you have betrayed our friendship, but apparently, there really never was one.

Wow. This is quite possibly the saddest email I have ever received. The author is the husband of the person I mentioned in 'the buffet'. The point of the entry was not to make fun of his wife to the entire cyber-community. The point was this: people react differently. Sometimes they react in a way that is pleasant and enjoyable; sometimes they act in a way that is hardly complimentary.

I was not sitting in the sanctuary sans shirt, I hadn't even lifted my shirt that much. It was hardly a case of exposing my breast to anyone who might see or look. In that instance, it was I was simply comforting an infant, my precious child, who was having a really rough morning. Isn't that what I, as his mother, am charged to do? It is my job. My life's work. How is that inappropriate? How is that not being a Christian, or for that matter, how does this have anything to do with my faith?

The Angry Husband said, "A person being able to do what you feel is absolutely allowable according to you and your "Civil Rights" advocates is not the issue here."
It's not at all about what I feel is absolutely allowable. Being allowable is not a good indicator of appropriateness. It's not about me and my "Civil Rights" advocates. Off the top of my head, the only advocates I have are my husband, some family, and a few close friends. I, and millions of other breastfeeding mothers have been granted--not granted so much as the government made a really good decision to recognize the importance of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is not about allowable, it is about doing the best for my children. I am confident that if there was a poll of breastfeeding mothers, the overwhelming majority, if not all of them, would say they breastfeed to do the best for their child, not because it was allowed by law.

In case you don't get it, the issue is a simple matter respect for the comfort and propriety of others around you. Oh, I get it. I really do. I understand that people are uncomfortable about breasts and the human body in general. I think it's really too bad that this is the case. We are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God. There is nothing shameful about breastfeeding. I was created in the image of God to love and nurture and comfort and care for my children, just as God does all of those things for us.

Unfortunately there is shame surrounding breastfeeding, and it is placed there by those who don't understand and don't care to understand. There is an issue of respect for others. It seems blatantly obvious to me that while this person was preaching respect and the comfort of others to me, it was he who was totally missing the point. There was no respect for poor HB's needs that day. There was no concern for his comfort, which he needed, and was why I was nursing him in the first place. It is alarming to me that a grown person with coping skills is unable to understand that infants do not possess the ability to calm themselves.

If life is about nothing else, it is about growing and learning and doing what Christ has called us to do. We are called to love, and practice grace and kindness to others. We are called to lift each other up and support each other. I told the story of two people who had two totally opposite reactions to me breastfeeding my babe. There was no bashing of dignity (for heaven's sake, nobody but this couple knew who I was talking about!), and there was no selfishness. Breastfeeding is the least selfish thing a mother can do. It takes hours and hours of time, it hurts like crazy in the beginning and when the kiddo is teething, it is really inconvenient to be up at all hours of the day and night, disrupted sleep, disrupted showers, disrupted everything.

I am not going to address the nasty comments made against my character and faith by this person. My actions attest to my character, as this person's actions speak loudly and clearly for his. I don't need to defend myself to any person. I serve an audience of one, and He is not a member of my church. He is the Reason for the Church, the Reason I am able to do anything.


  1. Pamela, if there's something you're not, dear, it's quasi-anything.


  2. Well said Pamela!
    I applaud your efforts and it's a shame that in all places, church is a place your family cannot be completely accepted.
    By the way, I'm sure Mr. Angry Husband would have made some remark to Mrs. Offended Wife had you not quieted HB and let him scream throughout the service. Obviously this couple needs to review some basic courtesy principles before they preach to others about common courtsey (It ain't so common!!)

    Keep it up Pamela!

  3. A very eloquent rebuttal, Pam, considering his nasty tone.

  4. bwah ha ha ha ha

    Do you want to make out, because really? This is freaking great.

    Sorry about the ER and your hoohoo.


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.