Thursday, October 29, 2009

did i even tell you about when sweets was born?

No? Well, then mah peeps, settle down for story time.

Sweets was due April 9th, I think, honestly I don't remember. Yeah, yeah, gasp and stuff. None of my kids were born on their due dates, and I don't remember any of the due dates.

I only remember being VERY overdue with Miss O. And Wee Man. And HB. Except we didn't actually know when I joined the pudding club with HB, but I am absolutely positive I was horrifyingly overdue.

By the time the last week of March rolled around, I had been having contractions for hours every day. Sometimes they were in a pattern, and could be timed, other times they were comparable to being randomly whacked in the belly with a baseball bat. Good times, y'all, good times.

On Friday, March 27th, I was 38 weeks into it, and ended up going to the hospital for a labor check. They sent me home with an Amb.ien, the Drug of the Blessed, and said maybe I just needed a good night's sleep.

So, being the good girl I am, I took my Am.bien, and hopped on the computer to do a little research into The Castor Oil Treatment For Babeh Removal. Castor Oil is handy for speeding things up a little if you find yourself sort of in labor.

Also, it makes you crap your brains out.

Naturally I took a responsibly-sized dose. And then I applied two Evening Primrose Oil tablets to my, ummm, cervical area. (Evening Primrose Oil helps you to become dilated and more effaced if you find yourself sort of in labor.)

I was planning to engage in the sort of activity that got me in that situation in the first place, because that helps, too, but I'm a cheap date and the Ambi.en knocked me out.

I woke up at 3 a.m. and crapped my brains out, but I was not in labor. Not a flipping contraction in sight. I was very disappointed. I applied two or three more Evening Primrose Oil tablets, because I had an enormous bottle, and they were expensive-ish, and why be wasteful? And then I went back to bed.

I was very disappointed.


  1. Am I wrong to feel cheated because your post title prominently mentions the birth of a child - and yet the post itself has no birthing whatsoever? Did I miss something? Is this a two-parter? Or did you just fall asleep at the keyboard?

    I know - you got busy writing a book review; that must be it.

    In any case, I am waiting for the end of this story. With as much patience as I can muster, girlie.

  2. aaah the castor oil.. Its quite nasty:)

  3. i wish i couldn't relate to being overdue! i'm sooo done. can't wait until this little one is on the outside! ahhhhhhhh

  4. I had sex. No, really.


  5. Good thing I took a pass on that grande castor oil latte...


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.