Monday, July 12, 2010

yeah. last week. about that. also, this is a long post, but highly entertaining if you're one of those monkeys that works for an organ grinder. or if you're me.

You may have heard that my town had a great big partay this past weekend.  (What? I totally blogged about it... even made it a contest... with a superfab prize... That's right, you'll go and check it out. I know you want the taffy.)

But that was just the weekend.  There was *SO* much more.

I was sick.  (insert sad viola music here, because a violin is never as sad as a viola)  Two weeks ago, my people had The Strep. SuperGrossDisgustingVile Strep.  The doctor looked at my throat and said something about it looking like I was getting the strep, too, but it wasn't bad enough to warrant a prescription, since I probably wouldn't fill it anyway, and I should just call her when I feel like death and have come down off my high prescription-free horse and want the drugs.  Paraphrasing there, people.  But I would totally go to a sassy-pants doctor like that.  It would be awesome.

So I finally got The Strep.  And I'm pretty sure I had a sinus infection, and I couldn't breathe, and I wanted to sleep all the time, and I was an UTTER FREAKING JOY TO BE AROUND.  Just ask my short people.  Also, my allergies.  And the 100 degree temperatures, which are NOT NATURAL, people, I swear... this sort of heat never happened before we all sprayed the crap out of our hair with that Aqua Net stuff in the 80's.  And by "WE" I mean all of you, because I was not allowed to use hairspray in the 1980's.

One day, I took a Ben.adryl and it was only by the grace of God that all of my children survived that day.  Because I am a lightweight, that's why.  On Tuesday, I was too tired to drive across the county to pick up the milk from our cow (I can elaborate on that another time if you so desire), so The Mister packed up the short people, who started doing BAD THINGS IN THE CAR almost immediately.  And instead of laying my sick self down and taking a nap, I did two loads of laundry, hung it up on the clothesline, weeded my vineyard, and tied up all of the grapevines that were laying on the lawn.  Because I'm clever, that's why.  On Wednesday, I took the short people to the children's play museum because in the afternoon, it's totally dead, and I can just sit in the baby area with Sweets and the bigger short people can play and leave me alone.  Except on this day, the Reptile Man was there, and the place was swamped.  Also there was a fire drill.  Fail.  Something happened on Thursday, but I may have been asleep.  And The Mister, bless his heart (and I say that as a Northerner, not a Southerner, so I actually mean it) worked all day Friday at his normal job, all Friday night at his other job, all day Saturday at his normal job (weekend edition), all Saturday night at his other job, and all day Sunday at his normal job (weekend edition).  He has today off.

Thank God, because we all need a break from all of that.

Also, on Friday and Saturday, I had a GINORMOUS baking order to fill (sorry, Gumbo... ran out of whole wheat).  The final tally:  12 loaves of regular bread, two loaves each rosemary bread and cinnamon raisin bread, and approximately 80 cinnamon rolls.

There is good news.  Despite eating my weight in Nacho Cheese Doritos this week, I have lost a ton of weight, and when we were at Family Swim Wednesday night, the bottom half of my bathing suit KEPT FALLING OFF.  Maybe that's not such good news.  And no, I don't have any pictures.  And no, I cannot apologize to you for not having any pictures, because I am not sorry for that and neither are you, if you are truly honest with yourself.

This week is shaping up to be much different.   Today, I put laundry away.  And yes, that will take all. dang. day.  Tuesday, I will deal with 75 pounds of cherries.  That means jam, pie filling, cherries in a jar with sugar and booze... Wednesday?  Well, that's a WHOLE 'NOTHER POST.  But it is shaping up to be completely awesome, so you'll just have to come back tomorrow and I'll tell you about it.  Thursday, something is happening but I can't remember what it is... seems to be the way Thursdays go around here.  On Friday we are meeting my college friend and here team for dinner.  I haven't seen her since, like, last year when I graduated college, because I'm totally not old enough to have graduated when I may have graduated.  Or actually graduated.  And on Saturday, Jenny Minnesota of Coconut Belly Fame is bring her WHOLE!!! ENTIRE!!!! TEAM!!!! to my house.  Unless you live by Jenny Minnesota of Coconut Belly Fame, and then she will totally be home all weekend so don't even think about it, you thieving bastard.

What? You want to bring your team to play with my team?  WHY DIDN"T YOU JUST SAY SO!!! We'd love to have you, unless you firmly believe in personal hygiene and that children should always wear undertrousers.  Because then we might have a teensy problem.


  1. That';s the part of teaching I will NEVER miss: bringing home every germ the little monsters carry around.

  2. I think we must have swapped bathing suit bottoms because mine is WAY TO FREAKIN' TIGHT.

  3. i think the "fame" part is probably stretching it. but i really enjoyed the exclamation points.
    and. i really really hope that first guy in line isn't saying something about thieving my house. because i'm not sure.
    and if he is ... then he should note the 95 pound dog that lives here. the three cats (with claws, i might add) the bird that bites AND my dad. who will totally be here all. the. time. and he's big. and mean. and probably scary.
    one time during my high school years, he ran out after a car full of teenage boys that were hitting mailboxes with bats. in his underwear. and CORNERED THEM.
    we cannot. wait.
    must. pack.
    ohmygod. 3 kids. on a plane. what was i thinking?

  4. Undertrousers! Who are you anyway? :)

    The Strep it the WORST! I'd rather have surgery.

  5. You lost weight, you go girl! Don't think I've ever experienced that, even after my combo bout of diarrhea and barfing flu which I now call barrhea. Perfect timing being just before summer and all. Maybe you should star in your own weight loss infomercial?

  6. Whoa, whoa! Cherries in a jar with sugar and booze? Did I miss something? Why isn't THAT the fun part of this post? Spill.

  7. Hey, doll, don't fret about the bread. You slow down and get well. I'm in no hurry, although like our bud Fragrant Liar, I am curious about the cherries/booze/jar thing.

    Oh, and having grown up in the South, I totally get the 'bless his heart' thing. Glad you picked up on it, too ;)

  8. Wait! Didn't you get the memo: Moms/Wives are Not - I repeat NOT-allowed to get sick. Take that into consideration next time, will you?


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.