Talk about a stupid title. The cats are never freaking away. Oh, and I wish they would go to say, Zimbabwe, or maybe even China. They're pretty fat, they'd make somebody a nice dinner. You know, somebody who is fairly gross and has set their dietary bar wicked low, low enough to get their munch on with some cat.
I bet cats are gamey. Never mind, let's not go there.
Subject change, and getting to the point.
The Mister is working stupid hours this week. And by stupid I mean he's workingworkingworking, and then the working is punctuated by BRIEF! EXCLAMATION! POINTS! OF! NAPPING! And those brief moments are followed by more working. Yesterday, for example, he went to work at six (yes, a.m.), came home at 3:30, took a shower barely long enough to make him smell nice(ish), took a 20 second nap, ate some mac and cheese, and went back to work. He got home sometime after midnight, spent a little time eating and unwinding, went to sleep SITTING UP ON THE SOFA (oh yes he did), and got a phone call 45 minutes later asking him to come into work to plow snow. So he slept a little longer, and then went to plow snow.
Because a sleepy man? Behind the wheel of a plow truck? Is prudent. Uh-huh and mmmhmmm.
And then, whilst plowing whilst asleep, the generator that powers the ENTIRE MADRE EFFING HOSPITAL? Blows. Up. Kablooey.
Guess who's the house electrician?
DINGDINGDING!!!!! You, in the back, with your hand waving... was that you who guessed The Mister is the house electrician? You're right! You win!
So with less than two hours of sleep in 36 hours, The Mister had to figure out how to fix that big clustereff. Because without all the power it's supposed to have, the hospital can pretty much turn on a couple of lights and keep the patients who are hooked up to machines alive and that is all. No surgery, no baby delivery (not sure how that requires electricity, exactly, but whatever, that must be why I'm not doctor material), no laboratory services, no lunch, no coffee... things were bad.
He was at the hospital until 5-ish, and then he went to run sound on the show he has been doing since, I don't know, forever already. And he'll come home sometime, and he will go to bed.
I've given him some directions about TURNING HIS PHONE OFF COMPLETELY, and I'm going to wake him up about half an hour before he has to leave to go do the two performances of the show that are happening tomorrow.
So what do WE do when The Mister is gone? Well, Miss O is sullen and mopey, and whines excessively. She also gets a stomach ache and a headache, which makes me sad for her (as opposed to the sullen/mopey/whining which makes me want to... well, never mind.) Wee Man is a bit more aggressive than is normal, and also cries and cries at pretty much every possible opportunity. And HB? Well, for the past three days he's been telling me, Daddy uz comin' home soon, and nods emphatically, as if by convincing me, then Daddy will come home soon.
Tonight we got a pizza and some wings and popscicles and store-bought chocolate milk (and donuts for breakfast) and rented some movies (two thumbs down each for Barbie and the Diamond Castle and Bob the Builder Saves the Day, for the record. Would have given more thumbs down if I actually had more thumbs.) and picnicked in the living room. We watched Bob "I don't know how he's still alive being as dumb as he is in his chosen field" the Builder first.
Then it got really good. We pulled out the sleeper sofa, made the bed up, and tucked Miss O and Wee Man in. They watched Barbie and the Diamond Castle (really, trim your fingernails first if you ever have the misfortune to watch this bunghole of a film; you won't be as tempted to scratch your own eyes out... also you might want to start drinking hours in advance of watching this, because maybe that would help. But then again, it's possible that there is nothing that could better that experience.)
When the movie ended, they laughed and joked, sang each other songs, ran to the kitchen to rummage for food and drink, and were generally silly babes.
And now? They are curled up together, sweet cherubs that they are, dreaming of who knows what. But they are camping out in the living room. And they have been looking forward to this all week.
Really, though, they are looking forward to Monday when they get their Daddy back. They just don't know it yet.
I bet cats are gamey. Never mind, let's not go there.
Subject change, and getting to the point.
The Mister is working stupid hours this week. And by stupid I mean he's workingworkingworking, and then the working is punctuated by BRIEF! EXCLAMATION! POINTS! OF! NAPPING! And those brief moments are followed by more working. Yesterday, for example, he went to work at six (yes, a.m.), came home at 3:30, took a shower barely long enough to make him smell nice(ish), took a 20 second nap, ate some mac and cheese, and went back to work. He got home sometime after midnight, spent a little time eating and unwinding, went to sleep SITTING UP ON THE SOFA (oh yes he did), and got a phone call 45 minutes later asking him to come into work to plow snow. So he slept a little longer, and then went to plow snow.
Because a sleepy man? Behind the wheel of a plow truck? Is prudent. Uh-huh and mmmhmmm.
And then, whilst plowing whilst asleep, the generator that powers the ENTIRE MADRE EFFING HOSPITAL? Blows. Up. Kablooey.
Guess who's the house electrician?
DINGDINGDING!!!!! You, in the back, with your hand waving... was that you who guessed The Mister is the house electrician? You're right! You win!
So with less than two hours of sleep in 36 hours, The Mister had to figure out how to fix that big clustereff. Because without all the power it's supposed to have, the hospital can pretty much turn on a couple of lights and keep the patients who are hooked up to machines alive and that is all. No surgery, no baby delivery (not sure how that requires electricity, exactly, but whatever, that must be why I'm not doctor material), no laboratory services, no lunch, no coffee... things were bad.
He was at the hospital until 5-ish, and then he went to run sound on the show he has been doing since, I don't know, forever already. And he'll come home sometime, and he will go to bed.
I've given him some directions about TURNING HIS PHONE OFF COMPLETELY, and I'm going to wake him up about half an hour before he has to leave to go do the two performances of the show that are happening tomorrow.
So what do WE do when The Mister is gone? Well, Miss O is sullen and mopey, and whines excessively. She also gets a stomach ache and a headache, which makes me sad for her (as opposed to the sullen/mopey/whining which makes me want to... well, never mind.) Wee Man is a bit more aggressive than is normal, and also cries and cries at pretty much every possible opportunity. And HB? Well, for the past three days he's been telling me, Daddy uz comin' home soon, and nods emphatically, as if by convincing me, then Daddy will come home soon.
Tonight we got a pizza and some wings and popscicles and store-bought chocolate milk (and donuts for breakfast) and rented some movies (two thumbs down each for Barbie and the Diamond Castle and Bob the Builder Saves the Day, for the record. Would have given more thumbs down if I actually had more thumbs.) and picnicked in the living room. We watched Bob "I don't know how he's still alive being as dumb as he is in his chosen field" the Builder first.
Then it got really good. We pulled out the sleeper sofa, made the bed up, and tucked Miss O and Wee Man in. They watched Barbie and the Diamond Castle (really, trim your fingernails first if you ever have the misfortune to watch this bunghole of a film; you won't be as tempted to scratch your own eyes out... also you might want to start drinking hours in advance of watching this, because maybe that would help. But then again, it's possible that there is nothing that could better that experience.)
When the movie ended, they laughed and joked, sang each other songs, ran to the kitchen to rummage for food and drink, and were generally silly babes.
And now? They are curled up together, sweet cherubs that they are, dreaming of who knows what. But they are camping out in the living room. And they have been looking forward to this all week.
Really, though, they are looking forward to Monday when they get their Daddy back. They just don't know it yet.
Not many posts where you see "Barbie" and "clustereff" in the same story, and have it make sense.
ReplyDeleteFunny, and well done. I think you are spot on about what they are looking forward to. Brilliant!
u r flippin hilarious. i almost just peed myself..unless it was my water breaking..nah..i'm not that lucky. xo
ReplyDeleteI sure hope that you get your sanity back soon, and that the Mister gets some sleep...seriously, I cringe thinking of "very sleepy man in a plow truck!!"
ReplyDeleteOh yes, I have seen
ReplyDelete"Barbie and the Diamond Castle." Shortly thereafter I stuck an ice pick into each of my eyes. So I would never have to see it again.
I am so glad I am past that kind of video stage.
ReplyDeleteWell, wait. No, I'm really not. I miss those days.
Kinda Sorta.