Thursday, December 4, 2008

grey day betchfist

Grey day.
Everything is grey.
I watch
But nothing moves today.*

It has been a grey week. The whole is-it-or-isn't-it-a-health-related-drama. The noncelebration of our anniversary. The there's-no-Christmas-tree-in-my-house. The whole business of being married this week. The resting. The child who is in Kindergarten.

It is just all very awful.

And I really, really, reallyreallyreally hate whining, but I'm starting to lose my shit over here.

The health business. I'm fine. The grotie antibiotic I'm on to kill the grotie bacteria is doing its job (and more! hello, yogurt, here I come!!!), and I no longer feel like I'm having contractions. The whole is there/is there not amniotic fluid situation got a smiley face sticker at the OB, and that is great. Really, I'm thrilled about being fine.

The anniversary blah? Well, I felt like crap all day long + I went to the ER = not fun. And how not one single, solitary person that I am related to even remembered or mentioned my anniversary to me? Let's walk away from that one. Because it just doesn't do any good to be annoyed with, say, my mother, for...well...anything.

The lack of Christmas tree? Goes back to the feeling like crap. I'm supposed to be resting (ha!) and traipsing around a Christmas tree farm is probably not the bestest of ideas.

The marriage business? There are some things I mention just to keep it real. And sometimes marriages are a colossal pain in the ass. And that is all I am going to say.

The resting. Ach, the resting is killing me. I have sat still for a really, really, really long time, and I watched some STUPID movies, yes, The Jane Austen Book Club, Sweet Home Alabama, and Love, Actually, I AM LOOKING AT YOU. (Those are in order of decreasing amounts of suck, in case you are wondering.)

And the Kindergarten-aged child. Will.Not.Stop.Shouting.At.Me. We made gingerbread houses with some friends on Sunday, and they are completely adorable. (Here is where I start about Homework In Kindergarten.) Our homework assignment, due two days ago, was to make a Christmas craft. Gingerbread house? Check. That will totally qualify. Except Miss O. didn't want to actually take it to school. No big deal, another parent in the class was planning to send a picture of their family's elaborate craft in, so that's what I did, too. Except I got a phone call an hour ago telling me that the photograph of the craft was not an option. Bringing in a photo was not the assignment.

Here's the thing, I said as calmly as I possibly could without losing my shit on the teacher, because I reallytruly am thisclose, I told Miss O I would bring her to school with her gingerbread house today. And she wants her gingerbread house at home. She worked hard on it, and she wants to admire it here.

That's not an option, Teacher said. It needs to be in school, in the display case, and nobody will touch it or eat the candy. I will be happy to pick it up from your house, if that would make it easier.

Do you know what would make it easier? I asked. If my formerly pleasant daughter would stop screaming and yelling and stomping her feet and being a general terrorist at home. I told her I would bring her to school with the gingerbread house, and she flipped out. I mean REALLY FLIPPED OUT. And honestly? It's not worth it to me to deal with that behaviour so that you can put the thing in a display case. I am very glad that she is doing well in school, but frankly I have had enough of the ridiculous behaviour at home, behaviour that only ever gets worse.

It was at this point that Teacher offered to work with Miss O in school to help reinforce the idea of good behaviour at home.

It was also at this point that I was sniffling quietly into the phone.

Because I have had enough.

Ten minutes later, I got another phone call, someone with lovely intentions, who knows I am having Some Fusstration In Me. And everything said was kind and made sense and was valid and useful, and also just too much for me to handle right now.
Have I mentioned I've had enough?

I realize I am painting a picture of a week that is nothing but disappointing and frustrating, but it's not all that. I have had three friends bring lovely dinners to my family. I had lunch with another friend (who also kissed me on the mouth for sharing coffee with her). I had good news about my pregnancy. I spent an hour and a half on the couch reading with HB this morning.

It's not that I don't see those things, and don't appreciate them. I do. More than I can say.

I am just having a hard time finding the middle, the place between losing it and the other place. I'm not really sure what the name of that place is, or where it's located.

Also I am not at all remembering that other place. And I don't know if it exists.

*My Many Colored Days, by Dr. Seuss


  1. First?

    oh, honey.. i wish i could come and give you biggest hugs.. big big hugs.. i totally know how you feel.. on all fronts (except my schooling related issues revolve around me, my homeschooled-impossible-to-motivate-brats and our homeschool assistance program teacher having them clean house when he came to meet with us... yeah. the things i go through to avoid standardized testing.)

    so yeah, i wish i had something i could say that would bring you comfort.. but i don't. however, my prayers are with you.

  2. Hey from NY- New to blogging.
    I am guessing you are Preggo's and having a hard time. Well wishes for you. Hope you can seize the moment as time passes so very fast.
    Ever hear of Kefir- it could help you out better then yogurt.

  3. One person remembered your anniversary. He brought you flowers, remember? Heart you Babe. I'm off to give the washing machine a colonoscopy now.

  4. The Mister? He left you the sweetest comment here! I'm totally swooning for him over here and he even mentioned the word COLONOSCOPY! You have yourself a keeper there.

    Sorry about the crappy week. It only makes it worse when people try to explain it away. Sometimes you just need to feel what you're going to feel. Then it gets better. Please, please let me know what I can do for you. I'll do anything. And with that, now I'm off to read about your ER visit. Sounds invasive. Sorry.

  5. Awe gosh, sorry such hard times have plagued you lately, but that sweet comment by the Mister helps a little right?!

  6. Way to go, Mister! Whatever landed you in the MenSuck bin should be waning shortly . . .

  7. I think the other place you're referring to is called Life Before Parenthood.

  8. Yes, Marriage does suck sometimes, even with a man like The Mister. Tell him to go cut down a tree. (Hi Mister!)

    As for the teacher? That's just not right.

    Hugs honey. I don't know that place either, but I wish I could point the way.

  9. Bad ass Geek totally hit the nail on the head! What you are longing for is life before children! I feel so guilty for feeling that way sometimes but these little buggers just ware us out! Ya know! (no, really, you know this). and as far as "teacher" We know personally, she needs to take a flyin leap! I can't believe she siad that. Screw the display case, those things are full of crap from the last 50 years! I'm sure all the other kidos have loaded it up with enough other stuff she can live with a pic of miss o's gingerbread house! I'm sorry I'm not closer I would totally come and get the boys off your hands for the day. Call Mary Ellen! Love you

  10. So, I read the whole post, and mostly all I can think about who kissed you on the mouth. I feel jipped. gypped? Whatever. You've never made it clear to me that kissing you on the mouth was an option. Because I would be all in for that just to get a swig of you French press coffee and whatever kind of pie you have eaten most recently.
    Also say this prayer with me:
    Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN

  11. Oh Pamela, I wish I was close enough to come over and help. Or at least bring you some better movies. (In the interest of full disclosure I have to admit I really enjoy Love, Actually. Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, what's not to love? I just try to ignore the arrival of Denise Ruchards at the end.)

    I hope things are a little less grey soon.

  12. um...ok. You know I love you, right? Really, really adore you.

    There is something we need to talk about and I'm worried that our relationship will never be the same.

    I don't want to break up over this, so I'm hoping you will listen. I'm going to use I statements so that I (see? I did it! And again!) don't sound bitchy.

    have a few favorite movies.

    noticed that some of them were not on your list of suckfest movies.
    (here's where things get dicey).

    also noticed that one of my favorite movies of all time, the one I've been waiting to watch all year since last December IS ON YOUR suckfest list.


    LOVE Actually.

    Please reconsider so we don't have to go to counseling. I can't afford it right now and I'm really busy.

    Just in cases.

  13. Usually when one of us gets in a mood it will pass in a day or two. When we both get hit at the same time it's... well... it sucks.

  14. :(
    if i were your neighbor i would set up your christmas tree, mock horrible movies with you (but not love actually because i love it, actually), and pay to send the yelling child to boot camp. (ha!)
    since i'm not your neighbor, i'll just be praying that you find the middle soon. =)

  15. I know we haven't met but we have a few key things in common. #1 I have been pregnant a few times (6 to be exact). #2 I have been married a very long time to a man who can be horridly hard to put up with but can also be very sweet.(but not a whole lot of help).
    The best "place" I've found is having great times with a couple of my kids that have reached adulthood.The journey is SO worth it.
    Oh yeah, and you need a movie to help fire you up,forget all that sissy stuff. Try "The Kingdom" with Justin Bateman and Jennifer Garner as one bad ass FBI agent.
    You will also take notes by reading my post on "You Should Always Check Your Child's HOmework" unless you too want to be mistaken for a pole dancer.

  16. Oh my....I picked a bad week to get behind on my reading, didn't I?

    First of all, seriously with the Gingerbread house? Why is it so important? She is in KINDERGARTEN. The teacher was nice to offer to pick it up and all, but really...don't add drama to a pregnant mammas life.

    The little boy in Love, Actually...looks EXACTLY like my Mr C. I cry like a baby every time I watch it bc he is close to the age where he will get his heart broken for the first time....sniff, sniff...

    Big hugs to you!!!

  17. I am pretty sure that the mister has a collosal boner from that kissing comment... it totally beats out my marriage proposal.


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.