Monday, November 16, 2009

i yelled at an old man.

My favorite shopping event of the year was Saturday, the World-Wide Christmas Fair at a local church.

Let me 'splain... no, that take too long. Let me sum up.

Amazing artisans from third world countries, fairly-traded gorgeous things. And also, egg-salad sandwiches and yummy soup for lunch.

I was there with the three boys, and we had successfully navigated the fair, and had successfully consumed our lunches, and Wee Man and HB had very nearly successfully put their booster seats away. You see, they were eating soup, and boosters are essential for cleanliness in soup eatestry. And by VERY NEARLY SUCCESSFUL in putting their booster seats away, I mean that the seats were pretty much where I asked for them to be put, and the boys only sounded like one 2 year-old and one 4 year-old, not a bazillion.

I call that a win.

The old man at the adjacent table? Want to know what he said?

You're absolutely right I'm going to tell you anyway.

He said to me, looking me straight in the face:

Did you happen to notice that little girl sitting next to you is just eating her lunch and being quiet and so good, and well, your boys are not being good. I shouldn't say NOT GOOD, but well, they're not.

I looked back at him. I believe my eyes were as wide open as they have ever been, and a lady from the kitchen ran out to give me a spatula to SCRAPE MY JAW UP OFF THE FLOOR.

He was looking for an answer, and also, I'm guessing his version of THE ANSWER did not have the word asshole in it. Also probably not fucker. So I took a moment, gathered my thoughts, and translated them into the vulgarity-free version.

There are some things that you should just never say out loud. And THAT WAS ONE OF THEM. My boys are two and four. They are acting like 2 and 4 year-old boys. Do you think I haven't noticed their behavior? Here's a little suggestion for you: THE NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO TELL A MOTHER WITH THREE LITTLE BOYS ABOUT THEIR BEHAVIOR? BITE. YOUR. TONGUE. SIR.

I admit, I said SIR in the calling-him-an-asshole-voice.

Oh, well, I was just teasing, don't take it so seriously, he said, clearly uncomfortable. AS WAS APPROPRIATE FOR HIS SITUATION.

No, you weren't teasing, nobody says things like that and is really, honestly kidding. You were being mean, and I don't appreciate it. My children are acting their age. There was no need for you to say mean things about them, and infer that I'm a bad parent.

I gathered up my sweet boys who were looking more than a little surprised that I had just chewed out Mr. Curmudgeon Pants McGee, and we left.

I think he got the message.


  1. We had just boarded a flight to LA and struggled with the carseat down the aisle and getting the carseat into the plane seat and getting Jasper strapped into it, and getting Jules into his seat, and Grandpa into his seat, and me into mine, and our stuff up above us and below us and Jeff finally down next to me and I was all happy because the baby was not freaking out (the baby was 2) and he lightly tapped (I am not kidding) the seat in front of us with his little foot and the man in the seat stood up, turned around, glared at us, and said / yelled, "Is this kid going to be kicking my seat all the way to LA?" "This kid" was my kid - and he was currently being a good kid - and I was stunned. Had the guy been nicer I would have changed seats with Jasper - ya know - moved the carseat and threatened to upset the balance of the universe and all - but the guy was a jerk and I couldn't think of anything to say but my husband, who was not offended and who did not feel the jerk was being rude and who always likes to be honest and occasionally state the obvious said, "Yeah, probably" and opened his book and started to read while the guy glared at us until he grew tired of it and slumped himself down in his seat. I really really wanted to take advantage of my other son's medical situation and try to make the man feel really really really really badly by informing him that, by the way, we're on our way to LA because our kid has a frickin' brain tumor now don't you feel like shit for being mean to us???? But I didn't. Sigh. And I still regret it.

  2. Pamela. That is a funny story.
    I'm sorry I missed hearing it told to me live over the phone. I was sleeping. Of course.

  3. Oh! Not because you always call when I'm sleeping, but because I am ALWAYS sleeping. LOL. I want to be sleeping right now, but I will hold off until I have fed my people and myself. Because, if I am not sleeping, or thinking about sleeping, I am eating, or thinking about eating. :)

  4. OH, My! My whole body was tense while reading that. I hope if that ever happens to me I am able to be so quick with a great comeback like you!

  5. Good for you! I would have been dumbstruck at a comment like that. At least he had the good grace to be embarrassed when someone called him on his assholery.

  6. oh ... we had a "sir" behind us on my cora's first plane ride ask ... "don't they make you check those things at the counter?"
    and if i hadn't been flying for free and been upgraded to first class ... i would have really liked to tell him that i was flying first class for FREE for my child's first plane ride.
    instead i just pulled out the b00b and got her to calm right back down. ugh.

  7. He deserved it. What an asshat.

    BTW, I really like MAW's 'assholery'. Great word. Will try to use that in a meeting soon, see what happens...:)

  8. Maybe, just MAYBE he'll actually think next time he opens that mouth for any reason other than to shove it full of cake.

    Good for you, darlin.

  9. Good for you. And I'm stealing that answer, though I hope never to need it. But know my kids I'm totally going to need it.

  10. These people. These commenty-holier than thou people. Grrrrr. You are so right that they are not kidding. Once, as I tried to wrangle my two two year olds into their coats at Kindermusik while my baby had an unbelievable melt down in his car seat, a Dad asked his wife loudly if I was ever going to pick "that" baby up. If looks could kill, he'd be dead.


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.