Saturday, February 6, 2010

dis is de time on schprokets ven ve goes de crazies.

I'm on drugs. Did I ever tell you that? Maybe I didn't. But yes, they're legal in this country and this state, and yes, I *really* need them. Except I'm not on them right now, and by THEM, I mean the ONE anti-crazy pill I'm supposed to be taking daily so that I don't have a replay of this.

The last time I got a prescription filled was right around HB's birthday, at the end of November. Yes, I know it's now February, but the pharmacy screwed up and gave me a whopping 100 pills instead of the 30 that my insurance covered. I probably should have returned them, but it was almost a month before I realized what had happened, and they'd probably have just thrown them out if I brought them back.

Karma's a bitch, though, and I'm getting mine. I ran out about four days ago. And I just didn't think about refilling. Because I'm superclever, that's why.

My brain is fuzzy. My heart is pounding in my throat and I have stress in me, so much stress in me that I feel like I'm a ziplock baggie full of stress. My shoulders are tight, my patience is thin, I am a twitchy mess. But for extra special fun, my brain fuzzy comes in waves, and just about the time my heart finds its place down in my chest cavity, in front of my lungs and behind my ribs, everything amps up again and the breathing and the heart and the brain and the dizzy and the crazy just start flying around like the birds in that Hitchcock film. You know, the one with all the flying birds. *That* one.

Yesterday I thought it was a combination of running around after Cat 2 and cleaning up his projectile vomit, and not having time for a meal before we left the house, and maybe too much caffeine. But even then? Those sorts of things don't usually reduce me to a shaking pile of crybaby.

I called the pharmacy. The phone-answerer said my insurance wasn't going to cover my meds. I couldn't decide whether to cry or throw up or pay cash. Also, I couldn't breathe, and fortunately it was just one of those Silly Little Health Insurance Things, but even so this steel body cast of bad body chemistry is keeping my brain and my lungs from playing ball on the same team.

And of course this would be the Tired-est Week of The Year for my short people, the week in which every request from a Tall Person would result in ear-splitting shrieking diatribes from any Short Person in the room, and for the record, there are FOUR of them, which adds up so quickly it's actually one of those exponential equations, but I'm not going to lay it all out for you because remember the fuzzy brain thing?

Yeah. About that.

I'm making some hot tea, putting on my pajamas, and watching a movie with The Mister, who says it's alright with him if they drug me for the rest of our life together.


  1. giiirlll we need to talk!! I am going off of my crazy pills and the withdrawal is HORRIBLE! REALLY. I has been a month of having waves of fuzzy brain. It drives me crazy...and the random feeling of vomit that creeps up at the most inappropriate times. SOOOO a little birdy...*cough* Jocelyn *cough* told me to take MSM..I know crazy but it works..REALLY and that back's calming stuff. SO until you get it all worked out do that! It has helped a lot!

  2. I meant bach's calming remedy by the way

  3. (headinhandswishingIcoulddomoretomakeyoufeelbetter) Breathe for me, girl, just breathe...things will get figured out,just not all at once...


  4. Seriously dangerous to your heart and brain to stop SSRIs suddenly. Bad girl. Next time, plan ahead. (I make proactive calls to the insurance company to make sure the fight is won before it starts!)

  5. oh darling.
    wish i could be there to steal the little ones so that you could get yourself a moment.
    jeremy's in his crash pad until 11:30 this morning... just drop the kids off there. he won't mind.
    seriously though. take care of yourself. let me know if i can help in anyway.

  6. Sister, this can't be good. I'm so sorry. My advice, becasue I know everyone loves the unsolicited is:

    1. Show some flesh to the pharmacist.
    2. Show some flesh to the insurance agent.
    3. Show some flesh...sorry, all my ideas are about you getting a little skanky.

    Is there any way you can get your doc to write the script so it's covered (my doc does that) or is there another pill? What about a trip either north or south of the border? I can't tell you how much Mexican Prevavid I have in my system on any given week. I even got a lot of my infertility meds from a trip to Mexico.

  7. Is it an SSRI? I've been on...well...lots of those pills and had some wicked withdrawal from both Wellbutrin and Effexor. But I cannot remember withdrawal from an SSRI.

    How about a generic? Any idea to the WHY of it not being covered?

  8. See? This is how nutty I am. I left out about the part where we got new prescription coverage and I just had to show the lady my new card and now I can has teh drugz.

    But I'm all for a trip to Mayheeko. Where do I sign up?

  9. Eat cake.

    Or make a cake and bring it down here.

    I've got pills.

    But no cake.

  10. glad you got your meds lady. hope today was a better day.

  11. Ugg, my poor friend... and also...
    This explains a lot. :P


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.