Wednesday, August 19, 2009

most bizarre child injury story of the week, right here on the dayton time

Miss O and Wee Man are playing soccer this summer. They are learning to dribble the ball, how to run without falling down, how to kick the little sphere-ish thing and not the other people... It's great. Really.

And turns out, it's also free, because our health insurance reimburses us for town sports teams. Thanks, health insurance people!

Anywhoo, the short people are having lots of fun running in a herd chasing balls playing soccer.

The Mister is on a show this week, so I'm spending my week running the short people here and there, mostly to tire them out so bedtime isn't a royal pain in my ass, and also to distract them from the fact that Big Pappy is out of town.

We don't actually call him Big Pappy. I was just trying it out. Unfortunately, it is weird to type the words Big Pappy, mostly it's weird to type Pappy. The official decision is to not go with the Big Pappy thing, or any other moniker with the word Pappy in it.

That's settled, then.

All that to say, I took all four babehs to the soccer practices at the same time by myself, and The Mister's mama met us there***THANKGOD***.

Because after the practice ended, and none of the short people (there are about 80 4-6 year olds playing) hurt any other short people, an odd, really out-of-place screaming happened. And the screaming continued, getting louder and louder.

Some little lamby-pie was screaming for his/her mama. Poor thing.

Wow. Look at that girl with the red face and stream of blood pouring out of her mouth. I wonder what...


Blood. From. The. Mouth. Pouring. On. Shirt. Spewing. Blood.

Have I ever mentioned that in every single nightmare I've ever had, I have bashed my face on a bathroom sink whilst brushing my teeth and all my teeth get knocked out and blood. from. the. mouth. pouring. on. shirt. spewing. blood.

I know, way to make this about me.

Last thing about me: my friend K from up the street came over, looked at Miss O, looked at me and said, Now is not a good time to pass out. Thanks. I was thinking that very thought myself, in between choking and gagging.

Did she get hit in the face with a ball? No.

Did she get kicked in the face with a foot? No.

Did she take a sip of water from her very average and not-at-all dangerous water bottle? Yes.

My kid. The one who knocked out her own tooth with a water bottle.


  1. How funny! I assume all is well now, and that perhaps the tooth fairy made a visit?!

  2. I really think you need to parlay this into a heroic sports injury story. Ten years from now, she probably won't recall the incident, and you could make up some GREAT stuff to tell her.

  3. WOw. I think I just found my long lost cousin. I did stuff like that all the time. Still do.

  4. I wrote about the aftermath over here.

  5. How does that even happen? Wow. A soccer hooligan to her ownself!

  6. Wow, this is straight out of the Things That Would Happen to Me files (both as a mother and when I was a child). I hope she's OK!

    Just now found your blog. Your writing is hilarious and I look forward to reading more (especially since I also have four little ones). Going to add you to my feed reader now...

  7. GReat! One MORE thing to worry about! Water bottles!!! ;-)

  8. What the? She knocked her tooth out? With a water bottle? That is completely bizarre. She's OK now, though, I'm hoping? Was it a babeh tooth that needed to come out anyway, or were you all, "Oh shit, put that tooth in some milk STAT so we can reattach it using high tech dental technology!"?

    Your health insurance reimburses you for playing city league sports? Jesus, I live in the wrong state.

  9. Because, I should mention that my health insurance is barely reimbursing us for the cost of having this baby.

  10. Not that that has anything to do with this post. Sorry. Love you.


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.