Thursday, August 12, 2010

because nothing screams MOMMYBLOGGER like a good poop story

We have been spending time at a local State Park lately, and it has been big fun.  BIG, BIG FUN.  There's a beach with fake sand next to a lake made by a bulldozer and the short people swim and swim and swim and then they eat and then they swim and swim some more, and then they play with their toy bulldozers and dump trucks and random plastic bowls.  And then they swim more and when they're swimming and playing they leave me alone and I chat with the person we've been meeting there and watch the baby eat the fake sand and it is fabulous.

As it happens, there is a little playground a little bit away from the beach, and the middle two (HB and Wee Man, ages 3 and 5, respectively, for the newbies) wanted to play.  I left Elliott with the person I chat with, who is not just a random person, by the way, the short people call her Nana.  The walking boys and I walked to the playground, where the first thing that HB just HAD to do was use the bathroom.


Dude always announces if  it is POOP TIME!!!! or PEE TIME!!!!  Very classy, I know, but he does hold doors open for old people so I'm calling it even on this one.

Nobody else was in the bathroom, so I stayed outside in order to keep an eye on Wee Man and Miss O, who was still swimming in the lake.  Five minutes later, HB emerged from the bathroom with no pants.

Where is your bathing suit?

Ummm, I lost it.

Where did you lose it?  (Certain people in my house have discovered a thrill in flushing items down the toilet.)

Ummm, it's still in the bathroom.  I couldn't find any paper towels.  He says whilst gesturing towards his lower half which is ENTIRELY COVERED IN, you guessed it, POOP.

Turns out he made it on time to the bathroom stall, but his efforts were thwarted by a MOTH IN THE STALL, OH THE HORROR!!! and he couldn't poop in there but then he had to poop anyway.  And so he did.  And because he's a responsible little lad of three and a half, he tried to clean it up, subsequently dumping his dump all splat-like on the floor.

And because I'm a responsible little mama of thirty-three, I cleaned it up.   And because I'm a nicey little mama, I won't tell you about that.  Because EEEEEEEWWWWWw.

I told the lifeguard what happened, and he threw up a little and then called the lady who has the unfortunate job of mopping up such incidences.  Turns out her name is Amy, and a bunch of my effbook peeps know her personally and have conveyed my apologies for the unfortunate poop incident.

But really?  A moth?  Sharting 'em over a moth?

Yeah. So that happened.


  1. ohmy. i'm sorry that i'm laughing. because you had to live that.
    and yes. i know i'll kick myself for that comment someday.

  2. I'm sorry to say that "dumping his dump" just made my morning.

  3. I find comfort in knowing the poop incidents could get worse as my babe gets older... I don't even know if it's safe to talk about our incident(s) on the internet. ;)

  4. oh man. this happened to me one time when i was 14 and in charge of 3 boys under the age of 4 for the summer. i, also, cleaned it up, but to this day i cringe when i drive past that park!

    and...i believe i know this "nana" you speak of :)

  5. I'm not really sure how I missed this but I did. I had a son who had All Sorts of Issues with Public Restrooms and insisted on using his own potty or pooping in his pants - it was lovely. I still have the son (he is 12) but thank god we lost the issues somewhere. Anyway - remind me to tell you, sometime, the story entitled, The Mystery of the Missing Turd. It's both entertaining and baffling.


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.