Monday, August 9, 2010

i'm not whining, honest. i'm explaining my feelings.

There are so many houseflies this year.  And I have terrible aim.  Also I have terrible depth perception.  I'm guessing those are totally related. 

The humidity has sucked my last four remaining brain cells out of my head.  With them have gone the following: energy, motivation, ability to form complete sentences, and also the capability to fold and put away laundry.  Fortunately I still have an appetite.

My children are suffering from an entirely intolerable affliction: not staying asleep when it is dark out.  Also not going to bed ::cough cough::Miss O::cough::  Elliott is teething and learning to walk which is causing some sort of non-sleeping stress in him.  He wakes up very upset about 45 minutes after he falls asleep, and nurses frantically, then will go back to sleep for 45 more minutes if I put him back in his bed... but if I don't, he will doze for a moment or two and then smack me in the face whilst laughing maniacally until I wake up to play with him.  It. is. brutal.  Henry B has been growing like a weed (LIKE A WEED, not GROWING WEED, he's three for Lord's sake), and that is causing him to be very needy, resulting in a desire to have his back rubbed whilst lying on top of me.  This would not be so inconvenient if I were not breastfeeding around the bloody clock.  Should it happen that I am engaged in the act of breastfeeding when he MUST!!! HAVE!!! HIS!!! BACK!!! RUBBED!!! he will throw himself on the nearest flat surface and kick and wail and tear his clothes and don sack-cloth and put ashes on his head until he passes out from exhaustion or until I am finished with Elliott.  

Good times, people, good times.

Miss O also comes into our room at random intervals to fetch her stupid, enormous, wretched sweet kitty.  Or get in bed with us, and I don't know about you, but nothing makes me feel like cuddling more than sleeping with a 7.5 year old human goat.  So nice, and softy, except for the ELBOWS. AND KNEES. AND FEET.  AND HEAD BONES.  Gah.  And when she comes for the cat?  She stands by my side of the bed, snapping her fingers and clicking her teeth at the cat.  AND THE CAT NEVER ACKNOWLEDGES HER, even if she stands there for, say, ten minutes, which she will, because the cat does not take kindly to being picked up and moved.

Fortunately, it is only I who am bothered by these nighttime rompings.  The Mister, bless his heart, sleeps like the dead.  Not like the actual dead, but the sort of Mac Truck Snoring Lip Smacking Teeth Chewing Long-Legged Dead, which might be worse than sleeping with an actual dead person.  Because you could probably shove an actual dead person out of the bed, and the actual dead person would kindly be very quiet and let you try to sleep in peace, same as they are.

I'm tired. My head still hurts.  Things are making me cry, and people, I am not a cry-er. I am taking things personally and reading into unreturned phone calls, being not invited and people's busyness.  My friends are busy and wah, wah, wah, they are doing other things like taking their kids to the hospital for tonsil removal, or taking their kids to day camp, or having obstetric appointments, or going camping, or this or that or the other thing.  I have friends RIDDLED WITH AUDACITY, I tell you.  

Points will be awarded to people whose comments make me laugh.  And bonus points for wet drawers.  Conversely, I will likely kick your teeth in if you even suggest that I want my husband dead.   That's all.


  1. So, a rabbi, a priest and a duck walk into a bar... No? Not the kind of funny you were looking for? I got nothin' because your post is giving me this twitchy eye thing and I'm shaking a little. I thought I had a trying day, what with the breastfeeding, and kids I'm babysitting calling 911 (oh yes, that happened) and the packing and the moving and the husband going off to Texas. But then I read this and I realize that I only have three kids and you have four. You win. The end. And I heart you and if you lived closer I would bring you a cocktail made of grape kool aid, chambord and a Tylenol with codeine leftover from my c section. Hang in there, babe.

  2. Pam, you know I can sympathize with you!It must be something in the nursing because I have become a constant nursing momma to Elijah...seems like ALL he wants to do lately...I think the doctor slipped something in his meds for the ear infectionbc he has turned into a different child over the past few days..and Seth is under the weather as well...try my bed on any given night! That is something to laugh about! People constantly ask "so when can we expect another conlin addition?" Addition...hah! It would be funny if we could even reach each other in our bed...usually Elijah winds up with us around 1 am, then Seth comes crawling in so the order is Dave, Seth, Elijah, and me...then our 70 lb lab, retriever, rott mix jumps in and lounges right in the midst of all of if Dave and I were tall and thin like you and your hubbhy this may be fine with our king size bed but we are king size people!! So, yes, I do feel your pain...but as people say to me "Cherish these days because they will go by soo fast" seems like the nights when my bed feels like a NYC subway train during rush hour goes by way to slow!! Hope you have a better nights sleep tonight pam..and if you don't maybe tomorrow we should put our families together in one house and you and I should take a nice size bottle to the empty house and sleep!

  3. This may not make you laugh, but maybe it will make you smile.

    -New yarn shop in Warsaw is now open.

  4. It's my birthday. I need a new dustpan. An evil little part of me (maybe not so little) wants to by a new broom/dustpan combo, then blog that it was my birthday present. Just to see the indignation.

  5. me too.

    also, the $$ stuff totally works. My Paypal is wonky, but I'll get it to work at home, I'm sure it's a work filter. They suck in the morning.
    Now to find my laptop...

  6. Really? You want to go to my obstetric appointments? Alrighty, then. Put September 9th on your calendar.

  7. I don't know about putting a smile on your face, but your post certainly got a rise out of me! Not that I didn't feel terribly sorry for you, I too have a husband that snores like a freight train and have suffered many a sleepless night because of my significant other, the endless heat and humidity, or my child wailing. It was just pictured so perfectly in my head. It's probably TMI but your blog is my guilty pleasure to read at work sometimes, and I always end up peeing myself a little because I am laughing too damn hard! Hope you have a better day today...


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.