Tuesday, August 5, 2008

(bump) kissing and telling

You know me and my legal addictive stimulants...I couldn't pass this contest up over at Scribbit. Because FREE COFFEE, PEOPLE!!! Thanks for letting me recycle. I'm such a girl for coffee.
It has slowly come upon us, the way darkness creeps up on the day. Like the way you notice, five minutes after the baby comes into the room, that he has filled his pants. The way a blonde gets a joke.

Miss O has discovered... GASP!!!! ... boys.

I know that kids these days are getting older sooner. All you mathematical geniuses out there can keep your mathematical factoids to yourself here, I'm SOOOOO not talking numbers. But for Pete's sake and crying out loud, the child is five. And almost a half. She would have you know that, because it's Important Information.

It started in the three year-old preschool class with Jack C. He is the nicest boy. True. He is __________ (standard four year-old person's compliment to another four year-old, you fill in the blank). Also probably true. And for the record, that kid has the awesomest hair evah. I'm going to marry Jack C.


There will be no MARRYING! There will be no BOYS!!! WHAT THE HECK are you thinking? That you will be GROWING UP or something?

Good God Almighty, why isn't this child still fourteen months old? HOW DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN, MISTER GOD?

But I digress.

We recently made a stop at the home of a Lovely Lady I know, so that The Mister could give Manly Advice About Fixing Up The Home. Naturally we sent the children out to the back yard for a nice game of Run Like Crazies and Scream Yourself Hoarse.

Blah, blah, blah...men talking about things like solder (which is pronounced sodder, fyi, I know, The Dayton Time is also known as Handy Information Time), and plaster and lath, and copper plumbing... YAWN.

The Mister eventually tore himself away from all this terribly exciting, umm, yawning, and called for the team to get in the car. I know it seems like I am changing the subject here, but just stick with me.

Miss O came dancing down the driveway, blushing like a Georgia Peach, and whispered into her Daddy's ear, I just kissed a boy.

The Mister's eyes got big and he grinned like, well, I'm not really sure like what, I've never actually seen that exact expression on his face before. He finally recovered enough to help buckle the team into their restraints (it sounds so much more serious than car seats, doesn't it?), and we got the heck out of Dodge.

We like Dodge, we swear, but sometimes when your fourteen month old five year-old is on a kissing spree, you just need to run away fast.

Miss O, which boy did you kiss?

A nice one. He's twelve.

(Oh Lord. Please don't make me have the Easy conversation with my five year-old daughter. Thankyouverymuch and amen. By the way, the weather's been awesome and my garden is doing great, so thanks for that too. You rock.)

Miss O, it is really important for you to only kiss boys who are very special to you. You can't be running around kissing just anybody. You need to at least know his name (so we can beat him later, ha!)

His name is Mike.

Awesome. Can I just say I have kissed on a Mike and it did not go all that well? I mean, the kissing was fine, but he just wanted to Get In My Pants and he was cute and all but you just can't have boys In Your Pants At Sixteen, OR FIVE POINT FIVE. And I'll give that Mike some credit, because he kissed me A FREAKING LOT in order to Get In My Pants, and for the record his efforts produced nothing but blueberries, and he was only three years older (at that time) than the Dirty Twelve Year-Old Mike that my baby was kissing on.

*deep breath*

That is not to say there was The Getting In Of Pants, or any sort of Making Out Nonsense, but OH DEAR LORD, THERE WILL BE!!!!

*deep breath*

*deep breath*

*deep breath*

That whole breathing deeply thing is for the birds. Well, look at the clock, it's time for booze. Because what else can you do when your baby is kissing boys?


  1. And if you wanted to read how this all went within the cranium of The Mister, my post on the subject can be found by clicking on the words "the mister" above.

  2. Oh sweet Jesus...

  3. My baby does kiss boys, her brother and her daddy. And it'll remain this way until I am dead.

  4. um WHAT?!?!

    there will be an expansion of this story tres soon, yes? ok GREAT.

  5. roflmao!!! beautifully said! the mental picture was great.

    i'm sooooooooo nervous about this. twilli is ALREADY a HUGE FLIRT at the ripe age of 11 months!!!

    21stCenturyDad is gonna have to buy a LOT of samurai swords for him and au-teen to spar and scare with!!!

  6. Not sure how I should feel about our back yard being the birth place of your daughters kissing adventures. It is hilarious! I have to admit, I recall being smooched for the first time by a freckled red head boy in kindergarten. Isn't your daughter on her way there?

  7. Oh honey, this makes me re-think that whole "honey, what if we tried for a girl one of these days?" conversation..

    Although, I distinctly playing a game called "kiss-chase" in PRESCHOOL..And I had a huge crush on Magnum PI at the age of 4..weird. I love the picture of her over there - your children are beautiful.

  8. This cracked me up.

    First let me say, my father told my grandfather (when my mother was only 12) that he was going to marry her. And, he did 8 years later and they've been married for 52 years. A boy I met in 9th grade, I told my grandmother I might marry him someday, but my sister did - 5 years later.

    Lastly, I think the girl needs a hobby to distract her from the boys. Dance, music, horseback riding lessons or maybe an all girl school (kidding). Good luck!

  9. I do not know how I stumbled upon your blog but I am ever so grateful I did. You are a riot and I very much enjoyed reading your last entry. i am right there with ya on the raising girls stuff and boy stuff for that matter. Keep it up..you are really good.

  10. The wonders of having an extrovert in the family :) I have a shy oldest child and a drama queen as the youngest. THank goodness I had the easy one first!

  11. What?!?!? At 5?!?!?!?

    *faints dead away... and vows to lock up her three year old daughter*

  12. "That whole breathing deeply thing is for the birds. Well, look at the clock, it's time for booze. Because what else can you do when your baby is kissing boys?"

    never were truer words written.
    fun post!

  13. Loved it!!!! You are good! breathing, kissing, and drinking.....life! kids keep us on our toes or on our knees! :-)

  14. Aww! My baby is well on track for kissing lots of boys at only 16 months. Fortunately she can't say the word MARRIAGE yet. And she's still in diapers.


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