Friday, August 8, 2008

i should have done this months ago

Sometimes I am an ass.

Here is a little story to confirm that for you.

Once upon a time, back on March 5, I got a ticket for having an expired inspection sticker on my minivan hotsy sports car. I also did not have my driver's license with me at the time I was pulled over. Thankfully, Officer PoPoPants overlooked that little detail and didn't include that on my ticket.

I put the ticket in averysafeplace.

I had my car inspected theverynextday.

In my head, I had taken care of the incident, meaning Lack of Inspection Sticker, and took the liberty of moving on with my life.

Except Not So Much, says the Great State of New York.

Last week I received correspondence in my PO Box from The Great State of New York that said this: You are a complete moron, you lousy Failure-To-Show-Up-To-Court-Or-Answer-Your-Ticket Law Evader. Hear this, O, Irresponsible One, we are going to SUSPEND YOUR LICENSE ON AUGUST 16, 2008, if you do not go to court IMMEDIATELY!!!!!

Naturally I was flabbergasted. Right. I got a ticket. Six months ago. Probably should not have put it in averysafeplace. That ticket is safer than Fort Knox. Because people know where Fort Knox is.

So I called the court, and was placed on the schedule, and even actually arrived on time to court. Then I sat and waited for two hours whilst District Attorney Day happened. District Attorney Day is (duh) when the DA visits the local courts and prosecutes the snot out of people who do REALLY stupid things. As opposed to mildly stupid things like having an outdated inspection sticker on your minivan hotsy sports car. For four months. And then forgetting you got a ticket. For six months.


I was feeling like a complete and utter ass. Until Rodney Randall Redneck (not his real name) stepped up to the plate. The DA was finished, all the attorneys cleared the room, and Rodney Randall Redneck was called to stand before the judge.

Rodney Randall Redneck was charged with aggravated unlicensed operation and having non-transparent windows. The aggravated unlicensed operation charge is a misdemeanor, and if he plead guilty, it would be on his driving record forever, or until he died, whichever happens first. His license was suspended for not answering tickets in three, count 'em, THREE other municipalities. (Good work, Rodney!) The judge suggested to Rodney that he go to the other three towns and get those outstanding tickets cleared up and come back later to answer these latest charges. Because then he could plead the new charges to smaller charges, that would not be on his record until he died.

Rodney declined the judge's benevolent offer, saying he didn't have time because he had to go to family court the next day so he could be awarded full custody of his daughter.

At this point, I realized my mouth was exceedingly dry. Because it had been hanging open for such a long time, that's why.

The kindly, must-be-used-to-this judge rephrased the offer. Clever Rodney turned her down again.

Let's take this moment to stand and applaud Wyoming County Family Court for awarding sole custody of a child to a clever, responsible person like Rodney Randall Redneck. Good job!

He paid his fines ($475, including court surcharges), and went his merry way.

Feeling better about myself as I walked up to the Naughty Table, I pled guilty, was fined and threatened with a civil case against me, and left. This morning I went back to see the judge with a small handful of cash, and finished the whole business once and for all.

That is, unless the DMV forgets to process the paperwork that says I've been a good girl, and I get arrested the next time I get pulled over. That'd be awesome.


  1. Hi, saw your blog in PW's website (I love visiting complete strangers sites...) anyway, hilarious about the ticket thing. My husband had his license suspended for 8 months from the ever compassionate N.Y DMV because they didn't think he had insurance (he did, we tried to tell them that but they weren't going to listen).
    Your blog is great!

  2. You have to stop! If I laugh any harder then I already do when reading your site, people are going to think I have seriously lost it...I so wish I had been there with you that day. I have done a couple of things like that in my past, so remember you are among friends. About the roller coasters...I want to love a roller coaster but they do not love me back and that makes me mad.

  3. I am an old pro at these things, just keep every document from court in your glove box for the next six months, that way the next 8 officers who pull you over and give you an ear full about driving on a suspended license and being irresponsible blaa blaa blaa... can have some good reading material.

    HOLY RUN ON SENTENCE BATMAN. its 3:30 am and is time for bed

  4. LOL!!! "popopants", can I steal that?

  5. Next time this happens, call me. I work in a law office. I can take care of things like this for you.

    By the way, how the heck are ya??


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.