some items for your consideration, fourth edition

Item the First:  Thank you, so very much, for all the kind words you gave me this week.  Things do tend to look differently after bourbon, or in the morning, or in the morning after bourbon, which in this case is an air-quotes "in the morning" because it pretty much took until today for things to look upward enough to be convincing.

I think it's important to say so when things are not good, just as it's important to say so when things are good.  More than one IRL person told me this week they were totally surprised that I ever felt overwhelmed and inadequate.  Y'all.  Really.  I'm just a mama over here.  I might be a little more quirky than the mama over there and a little more straight-laced than the mama in the other direction, but we're all just mamas, right?  

And when you said, You're not alone, or I get this, or I know how this feels, you weren't just saying it to me.  You said it to other hurting mamas who needed to hear it just as badly as I.  

So thank you.

Item the Second:  In addition to having a bad case of The Whatever That Was Last Weekend, I found myself having a case of the _____________ which led me to schedule an appointment with my midwife, who also performs regular vaginal maintenance procedures.  (And no, the correct answer to the fill-in-the-blank is not BABY IN MAH BELLAH, so pipe down over there.)  I just really don't think that you need a clear description of All Things Southerly, so I'm just going to be a little vague, and you're going to be happy about it.

This was not my yearly exam, because, well, I didn't actually have a yearly exam in 2009, because I was doing something else that did not involve duck-billed anythings in my places.   Except it turns out that when you plan to attend the gyno only when you have a case of the ______________, she will take advantage of you when you are scantily clad and in a relatively immobile position to swish as many swab-ish things as she can in order to secretly conduct your yearly exam.  Big trickster.

But then?  Good news, people!  She upped my meds.  For those of you who don't know, I flat out lost my shit when I was six months pregnant with Elliott, and started taking a low-dose SSRI.  Turns out that flat out losing your shit when you're pregnant is an actual, serious medical condition called antenatal depression.  Time magazine wrote a really great piece about it last February.

But then?  Bad news, people!  She told me I'm fat.  No, she didn't say the Eff word exactly (or the other eff word), but she said something about 20, no 25 pounds and so really speedy quick I stuck my fingers in my ears and sang the Smurfs theme song.  Classy, I know.  I can't even help it!

Item the Third:  Christmas was nice.  Hope you had a lovely Christmas, too, if you're a Christmas-er, or that last Saturday was a nice, plain old boring day if you're not a Christmas-er.  And thank you to my internetty pals who sent us cards.  The short people would open them and say Who are *those* people? and we'd say Blog people, and eventually the short people would open a card, have a look, and say something ridiculous about Pretend People From The Computer.  Except for WRH's card... they jumped up and down and shouted about The Well-Read Son and The Well-Read Daughter and demanded to return to Philadeedelphia at once.  Heh.  Not with that attitude, missy.  And mistery.  Mystery... Oh never mind.

Item the Fourth:  It is bloody cold in my house.  This whole BEING CHEAP thing is not for me.  Thank GOD for my boyfriend, Colin Firth.  I pop that fella in the microwave for three minutes, and he warms me down to the tips of my toes.  Sometimes he warms only my toes, if I make him sit on my feet.  And you know what?  He's okay with that.  And he always cuddles and never asks for anything more, no matter how hot he gets.  You should totally get your own Colin Firth.  (Spoiler alert:  shameless plug.)

Item the Fifth:  Laptop or iPod Touch.  Discuss.

Item the Sixth and Final:  Plans for New Years' Eve are as follows:  Feed the children dinner.  Make some popcorn in our new Whirly-Pop thingy.  Pop a movie in the DVD player and cuddle in bed with the short people whilst The Mister mixes some random bar band and earns a pocket o'cash.  Bed by nine.  I know.  We're terribly exciting.

so this is christmas.

And I am sitting here, at the computer.

I have a pint glass, full of diet soda and possibly quite a bit of bourbon.

Because I can.

It was quiet today, even though it was loud, louder, loudest.

The waking up!

And the gifts!

And the happy!

And the DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY _________ IT'S MINE I JUST GOT IT PLAY WITH YOUR OWN BRAND NEW _________.

Oy, and also vey.

I have reached a certain point with my short people.

A certain very critical point, possibly a crossroads of some sort, but who's to say, really?

Because more than anything, parenting well is about realizing you are at a point before you can even give a name or a purpose or a reason to the point.

I long to parent well, and I fear I do not.

Do you fear that, too?  Because from where I am perched, right this very minute, I feel alone.

I look and I watch and I calculate and I plan and I judge and I watch some more and I try to figure it all out.

I feel like I have too many children to do a good job.

And this is not a life-long truth; it is not even close to being a good assessment of my life, our life.

Do you ever feel that way, too?  Just once in a while, even?

Like you are in over your head, or you're soon about to be submerged by the requests and the needs and the I JUST WANT MY MAMA TO PLAY DINOS WITH MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because from where I am sitting, right here and now, I'm sinking.

They say it is a season, that things will not always be this way, but ohmygoodness.  When does the upswing begin?  And then they say, Heh. Well.  Enjoy it now because it only gets worse.  Who are these people whose lives suck more and more with each passing day, and why do I feel like I'm joining their club? 

I celebrate holidays with a full-out contemplation of my responsibilities.  I cannot explain it to you.  I cannot explain it to me.  I sat in my living room today amidst squeals of excitement and charming lovelies and warmth and full bellies and I feel...  I feel...  

I don't even know.  Inadequate, I guess.  And I hate inadequate more than anything.  Because those four little people do not deserve inadequate.  They don't deserve adequate, either, for that matter, and that I'm not even coming close to meeting the standard is causing my heart to hurt very much.

What's it doing to them?

some items for your consideration

1. Elliott has learned the fine art of screaming MINE!!!!
2. My church got itself a new pastor and due to a very long story that has no bearing on this story, which resulted in the sending of a few emails back and forth between New Pastor and Moi, New Pastor spent some time here.  And told me it was "interesting reading".  I would rather get to know someone in real life through, you know, ACTUAL REAL LIFE, than to have my first impression be the dayton time.  And not because I'm somebody entirely different here, but there's a line between The Actual Pamela Dayton Time and the dayton time.  Hello, awkward.
3. Remember my What the Fark, Amazon? post???  (Please be advised I used my Bad Words, and lots of them... people were giving that disclaimer on the effbooks about that post... gulpish.) Anyway.  Dude got arrested.  Hooray, Florida Law Enforcement!!! 
4. My official assessment of the current homeschooling situation in my house:  DISMAL.
5. My official assessment of the homeschooling situation in my house come January:  BETTERISH.  At least it had better be betterish.
6. I played Hair Roulette with my gal pal who cuts my hair.  I said Cut! Color!  And she went to town on my head.  Pictures later, after I've showered, and applied makeup to the black rings under my eyes.  Because right now I look a little bit like this:
   
   
   
7. Wee Man has learned the fine art of Pushing People's Buttons.  I have learned the fine art of NOT BEATING HIM.
8. I mailed out Christmas Cards.  Not because I'm especially awesome, but because mailing Christmas Cards is the only item on my very long bucket list that I have accomplished this month.  Granted, I've only been cultivating the bucket list for about three weeks now, but still.  I'm one step closer to being able to sleep through the night without having a single, solitary reason to wake up.
9. And yes, that was a little morbid.  But I am at the point in my life as a procreating person where I honestly believe I will be dead before I sleep more than three consecutive hours.
10. Almost all of our gifts this Christmas are handmade by me, or us, or by someone else. Except the Legos for Wee Man, and the Stocking Snacks.  I am really happy about that.  And while it *totally* makes me look like someone who PLANS THINGS to say I started knitting for Christmas in MARCH, please know it was not on purpose and I just happened to be (illicitly) shopping for yarn and the first Yarn Purchase Justification I could muster was BUT I'M KNITTING IT UP FOR YOUR MOM. FOR *CHRISTMAS*.  And I'm pretty sure he knew I was grabbing at straws or strings or whatever you kids are grabbing these days, but it's knitted up.  For his mom.  So there.

happy tuesday.

That's me, senior year of high school.
Ten points if you can name the musical.

that's a first.

You may congratulate me.  I have received my first official Cease and Desist letter.  I know.  I'm a total infringer.  


Here's the deal.  I made these adorable and cozy things:

  

And I made the mistake of calling them wris+ies.  


I came home this weekend to this:

by wristies profile shop contact

Listing: www.etsy.com/listing/62512746/butter-yellow-wristies hello - Your "Wristies®" are beautiful but would you please remove the word "Wristies" or Wristie from your products, website, and advertising? the word is Trademarked and using it without permission is not cool (and illegal). I'm sure it's an innocent issue, but we have rights to the word and would appreciate your cooperation. Best wishes for a successful holiday season, Susan Gregory President Wristies, Inc.

11 December 2010 1:34pm EDT

I really appreciate that she took the extra time to explain that using a trademarked word is not cool.  The thought of being not cool was really and truly what motivated me to take The Offending Word out of my listing.   I think that everything after the word is Trademarked is a bit unnecessary because really?  Intelligent people, even intelligent people who have committed an innocent issue, will understand the concept of The Trademark.

Rest assured, I have taken care of the innocent issue, quickly renamed my product (without consulting the googles) (again), and replied to her message.

by revelbaby profile shop   Susan, I had no idea that you owned the word 'wristies'. Of course I will remove it; I would never want to do something that wasn't cool (or that was illegal). I apologize for taking a few days to respond to your convo. I've been out of town and away from the computer. Have a lovely day. Pamela 13 December 2010 11:34am EDT

So. Do me a solid and just go purchase all the rest of my wristy-warmers before the owner of wristy-warmers-dot-com sends me a cease and desist letter, too.

somebody fix this. now. please.

So I told you about the little trip I'm taking, where LITTLE means IS TURNING INTO A COMPLETE AND UTTER NIGHTMARE.

(Quick aside:  don't forget to enter my superty cool giveaway for a $50 gift card to CSN Stores!)

Anyway.  Back to the nightmare.

I am the photographer for the wedding.  Which will be fun! and unstressful! and lovely!  Except.  I am bringing the short people because a Certain Someone has to work at His Certain Place of Employment all bloody weekend long.  

You might be wondering why I'm bringing the team with me to photograph a wedding in a land that is far, far away.  And to be perfectly honest with you?  I'M WONDERING, TOO.  Elliott is still nursing, and at the moment he's working on about four teeth, and he's not feeling well, so it's not really the right time to leave him.  (Although, he's getting four teeth, and is crabby, so leaving him is somewhat tempting.)  If I take Elliott, I'll need someone to take care of him in The Far Away Land whilst I'm quote-unquote working, and I'll *also* need someone to take care of the Other Three whilst A Certain Someone is quote-unquote working.  And I can't really afford to pay two babysitters to simultaneously watch my children at home and in The Far Away Land.

So I decided to take them all.

Except.  

And this is the part that makes me want to say all kinds of bad words.  I cannot find a place for us to stay.  There is one child-friendly Bed and Breakfast in the town, and there are three NOT AT ALL child-friendly B&B's.  Naturally, the child-friendly one has a three-room suite that is totally budget-worthy, and a sun room to play games and watch tv and stuff, and it is booked.  

There are hotels.  But none of them will let me, the four short people, and my take-along babysitter all stay in one room, which is NOT AT ALL what I want.  And none of them have adjoining rooms.  They don't even have accommodations suitable for one adult and four children (and no, the babysitter is not sleeping in the car, for heaven's sake, people).  I can't put some of my people in a locked room with my babysitter (this has nothing to do with her, she's lovely) all night long, because can you imagine being little and wake up in a dark room in a strange place and WHERE IS MY MAMA!!!!!!

I have a headache.  Tell me how to solve my problem.  Please.

we have a winner!

email me your address, manda.

going to the west by-gawd for the weekend

We have a winner!  Congratulations, Danae.

****************************************

People, I'm having a bit of a crisis.  Crisis might be a little too-strong of a word for this situation, but it's my blog and I'll crisis if I wanna.

Neener-neener.

My friend K from Cleveland is no longer going to be My Friend K From Cleveland.  She is going to be My Friend K Who Formerly Lived In Cleveland Way Back Before She Married Her Long-Lost High School Sweetheart.

And that, people is WAY TOO LONG OF A NAME for me to A) remember and B) type on this here blog.

But that is not the crisis.

The crisis is that I'm trying to pack all my crap special belongings and necessary items and I have no actual suitcase.  Why?  Why do I have no suitcase?

Well.  This one time back nine years or so ago, I had a suitcase.  I had several, in fact, with enough room to take all of my "NEW SLEEPWEAR" on my honeymoon to London, and to bring back souvenirs for, well, me.  Like my superty-fab Mary Janes from THE ACTUAL DOCTOR MARTENS STORE ON COVENT GARDEN.  Le sigh.  Which no longer fit since I've done gone birthed four rather large critters out my places.

And then, one time back, well, less than nine years ago, our hot water heater blew up and the suitcases got wet but I didn't realize it at the time because I was too busy shop-vac-ing up ninety-eleven bazillion gallons of water.

And now I have to take a trip (by myself), with fancy clothes and non-fancy clothes and shampoo stuff (because I will be showering a completely unnecessary amount of times on my trip to make up for all the showers I don't take at home), and all of my camera stuff.  Because I am the photographer.

With NO SUITCASE.

And if My Friend K Who Just Got Married (does that work? probably not for the long run) permits it, I might share some of the pictures with you.

Wondering why SUITCASE is the hot word?  Because I need one, dangitall, and because CSN Stores wants to give you a $50 gift card that you can use on any product in any of their (more than 200) stores.  The gift card won't cover any part of the shipping costs, so plan ahead.

So.  Click on a SUITCASE and leave me a comment telling me which one I should purchase.  OR!!! Leave me a comment telling me how I should refer to My Friend K From Cleveland until death do us part.  All names will go into a fancy-dancy hat on December 12th at 11:59 p.m. My Time (that's an official time zone now, don't'cha know!), and a short person who is being nice will pull a name from the hat sometime the next morning.

little known fact

The Mister has our babies' footprints on his right shoulder.

wish for snow... and a $50 gift card from 77kids

I was invited to attend a special blogga-mama breakfast at the brand-spanking new 77kids store at Carousel Center Mall in Syracuse.  And not just because I'm cool, but I'm sure it helped.  Well, maybe a little.  Or something.

Can I have three of these, please? And an extra for little old me?

77kids is reaching out to its friends and customers this Christmas season.  Each customer will be given the opportunity to donate 77 cents (or more!) when they make a purchase, and all of those 77 centses will be given to the local Children's Hospital.  In our case, the lucky place is Upstate Golisano Children's Hospital.

This here?  Was why we were there.

Superty cool signage, no?

this cutesy button

But Pamela! you say, there is no 77kids in my neck of the woods!!!  Never fear, my darlings.  Give this cutesy button a click and you will be magically transported to the land of virtual snowflakes.  In a couple of minutes, and with very minimal work on your part, you can create your very own virtual snowflake.  And when 100,000 of these babies have been virtualized, 77kids will donate $25,000 of their own cool cash to the  Children's Hospitals.  Pretty sweet. Even sweeter?  77kids is giving away one $77 gift card EVERY SINGLE DAY to a very happy snowflake-maker.


And to make it really worth your while, we're giving away a $50 gift card to 77kids.  Oh yes we are.  And no, I haven't started referring to myself as "WE".  Well, here, anyway.


So. The rules, because you know there's just gotta be rules.
MAKE A SNOWFLAKE, LEAVE A COMMENT.


That's the main rule.  But you can do other superty-clicky things, too.  Such as:
- Follow 77kids on Twitter

- Follow me on Twitter and tweet the following:

@pameladayton is giving away a $50 gift card to one lucky reader who helps @77kids donate to charity! Let it snow! #77kids  http://bit.ly/fHO8ar

- Like 77kids on the effbooks
- Like the dayton time  on the effbooks
- Blog about the giveaway and link back to this post
- Create more snowflakes–one additional entry for each snowflake you make!

Be sure to leave a comment for each extra thingy you do.  Comments will be closed at noon on December 6th.  Winner will be drawn out of a hat by a yet-to-be-determined short person, and will have 24 hours from the time I email you to reply and claim your gift card.  

And here's the part where I tell you that this giveaway is a collaboration between 77kids and The Motherhood, and that while I was compensated for my time, my words are, indeed, my own.

Finally, this.

The knitted toys. 

You know how I love The Knitting, right?

this is the one i chose...

Family Wall Noir Christmas Card

Make a statement with Shutterfly Christmas photo cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

thankful.

I am grateful for much.

But this tops my list.

****

And really? You should click the link.

It sends you to The Mister's blog.

a good day

They run screaming around the room.  In circles, shrieking and squealing and chasing and tackling.  The baby stands, wisely, out of the way, safe behind the fortress that is the purple velvet chair.  The wail of a clarinet joins in the fray; Daffy Duck and Porky Pig squabble and bash each other with clubs.   And the short people stand still for a brief second, then fall down laughing.  There is nothing as funny as gratuitous beatings for comedy's sake.

Popcorn for breakfast, and hot tea.  Books have been read, stories told.  The littlest little crawls into my lap, feeling better but still not good. His face tells the tale of a sneaky chocolate chip cookie, and if it weren't for the germs, I'd relish a bittersweet chocolate kiss.

Yes it was, no it wasn't. Don't step on my head. Bathroom time. Don't play without me.

Mugs of soup and leftover meatloaf sandwiches with mayo and mustard, more tea and an afternoon-long game of Monopoly are on the horizon.  A chicken sits in the kitchen sink and contemplates its future.

The natives clamor for Captain Underpants and my reverie is broken.

most egregious first amendment violation of the week. **updated**

People have been sick in my house, and I haven't been keeping up with the local news like a good little girl.  I was pretty exhausted from the Sorting The Sick Baby Out, and decided to spend a little time turning my brain off by reading people's statuses on the effbooks.  

THAT IS ALWAYS A MISTAKE, PEOPLE.

I scrolled down a little and noticed a new group on The Effbooks called "Free Chris Charvella".  (Chris is a very vocal member of the Genesee County Democratic Party.  And by very vocal I mean outspoken and often viewed as at LEAST borderline obnoxious by people who are not Democrats, which is approximately 85% of the population here in Genesee County.  I think he's brilliant, and I tend to agree with his political views, because hello! have you met me?)

Anyway.  Charvella works at his family's business, a local restaurant supply store.  Before the recent election, he went to work and discovered a sign for the Republican State Senate candidate.  Chris wrote a blog post about the incident, in which he offered up this picturesque promise:

The next time I see an unauthorized sign go up in front of a commercial property, I'm going to harvest the damn thing, march straight down to republican headquarters and cram it up the first ass I see.

Classy? Not so much.  Unusual?  Also, not so much.  And let's not pretend this is the first time we've heard a fellow with a history of being conscientiously outspoken say something ridiculous when he is feeling provoked.

Fast forward a few days.

Charvella went home in the middle of a work day to find that someone had placed a sign for the verysame Republican candidate in his yard.  The sign was autographed Courtesy of Sharome Glasshole, the very vaguely veiled pseudonym given to the Alleged Sign Placer in Charvella's previous blog post.   

Charvella place a call to Jerome Grasso (aka Sharome Glasshole).  Nobody answered, so he left a message: 'Hello Jerome.  Chris Charvella calling.  It's nice to know you read my blog.  Have a nice day.'  (links to Charvella's blog post).

So. What happens next?  Charvella was arrested for aggravated harassment in the second degree.   For a blog post.  And a completely non-threatening phone call.

The events leading up to Charvella's arrest, from all involved parties, sound like the kind of ridiculous high school pranks you might expect from rival football teams (no offense to football players).  

Tee hee, I put a sign in your yard.

Neener, neener, I responded to your sign with Big Man Words.

Ha ha, I put another sign in your other yard and even autographed it to Up The Fun Quotient.

Knee-slapper, man, I called and left a sarcastic message on your answering machine.

Cue the cuffs?  What?

I would understand a little better if Charvella had called from, say, Grasso's front yard, whilst holding a folded up Republican campaign sign and a tub of Vaseline,  whilst also wielding, maybe, a machete, and possibly screaming vulgarities in front of God and everybody. 

But what *actually* happened?  Please, now.  I'm going to go NOT TOO FAR OUT ON THE LIMB and say that the start of this incident was just another link in the Chain of Political Shenanigans.  And just like my 5 year-old, Mr. Grasso suddenly changed his mind about playing along.  His big boy panties got all bunched up and he ran crying to mama, and by MAMA, I mean LAWYERS AND JUDGES AND STATE TROOPERS, OH MY.

  

I'd like to extend a great big the dayton time thank you to the Genesee County District Attorney's office and County Legislator Grasso for throwing the taxpayers' money out the window, and spitting in the eyeballs of Free Speech.  Good work.

********

I would also like to mention that the short people and I discussed this over lunch today, and in their humble opinions, the worst part of this whole thing is that someone would say they would cram a sign up someone's butt.  Because that is mean and it would never happen, so really it's lying to say you'll stick a sign up someone's butt.   And also it would be mean to stick somebody's head up their butt.  And one time (one of them) stuck a finger up his own butt.  And (one of them) never stuck anything up his or her own butt.  And one time (one of them) stuck his finger up his own butt and poked his eyes.  FROM BEHIND.  And wouldn't it be gross to EAT YOUR OWN EYES???

I should have invited Charvella and Grasso to lunch, because the conversation was right on their level.

***UPDATE*** Or rather, additional information that I did not have yesterday that explains the phone call to Grasso's home.
The Genesee County Legislators do not have official county-provided office space.  In fact, the County Legislator website lists the home phone numbers of each of the Legislators in their contact information.   There was no other way for Charvella to contact Grasso, other than at his home.

yes. it's another breastfeeding in the hospital post. but this time? two thumbs UP.

My baby is sick.  He's had a wicked high fever for way too many days now, and sounds like a phone-sex-worker when he breathes.  So naturally I took him to the doctor to run a battery of STD tests.

No, I did not actually do that.   Seriously, people.

I did take him to the doctor, but there was only talk of his insistence on remaining febrile (that means HAVING A FEVER FOR A LONG TIME) and gross poop and how much motrin is too much motrin and how many days can you be on that junk all in a row before your 19 month old liver takes a hike.  Et cetera.

She seemed puzzled, because, well, all of the pieces do not make a ton of sense.  And this is not a HOLY CRAP WE'RE FREAKING OUT sort of thing, this is a baby's been sick for too many days with no real and permanent sign of improvement sort of thing, so we are consulting the experts.

Anyway.  I'm getting there.  The doctor ordered a chest x-ray and some blood tests.  The chest x-ray involved Elliott sitting on a chair and holding still, which was totally easy for him because A) he's totally advanced; B) I helped; and C) kid hasn't moved on purpose since Thursday, I think.

The blood tests involved a sharp needle jabbed slid into his arm and lots of crying.  The poor phlebota... phleboto... needle jabber was so lovely and sorry.  And no, I didn't *make* her sorry.  She just was.

Because of all the crying, I took Elliott back into the waiting room and he nursed for a while.  We were the only people in the waiting area, which was nice, because Elliott was kind of a mess.  

And.  While we sat there, four hospital employees stopped what they were doing to check on us.  

Can I help you?  

Did the doctor ask you to wait for test results?

Has someone taken care of you?

Yes, we're fine,  I said.  I am breastfeeding him because he was very upset about the blood draw.

This is the point of the conversation where I expected a little tension.  Would they be embarrassed that I was doing The Things And Stuff with my breasts? Would they say something they shouldn't and then I would have to Handle It Blogger Style?

These employees?  Fantastic. Didn't bat an eyelash.  Take your time!  I hope he's feeling better soon.  Are you comfortable?  Is there anything else you need?

This little hometown hospital doesn't always get the best press.  You know how it is, do something good and nobody remembers; do something bad and nobody forgets.  Here's a little good press.

Thank you.  Thank you to the people who checked on us.  Thank you for not making the squidgy EEEEEWWWW face when I said I was breastfeeding my toddler.  Thank you for acting like it was no big deal, even if it was kind of a big deal for you to see a woman breastfeeding.  Thank you to the people in charge of this hospital, who have CLEARLY educated their staff in customer care and breastfeeding rights.  Thank you for having a Lactation Consultant on staff (and available at all hours! even on a Sunday morning from her sofa!!!).  

The last thing I wanted to deal with today was some ignoramus saying something stupid about me caring for my really sick baby.  And I didn't have to do that.  Gold star. 

some (more) items for your consideration

• (file under: thumbs down) One of my darlings climbs in bed with me every morning.  It is always the verysame darling, and it is always after The Mister has gotten up and gone to work.  I usually sleep on my left side, probably because I've been pregnant for a hundred years.  So the Sleep Ninja Darling cuddles up behind me, but instead of The Spooning, I get The Very Cold Toes Curled Over The Back Of My Pajama Pants.  You can't even call this Karma, because I have not given The Mister the cold feet treatment in almost ten years.
• (file under: der)  I have been going down into the Closet of Canning Bliss and Euphoria which is located in my Not Actually Euphoric Basement on a daily basis to retrieve jars of tomatoes and tomato sauce for my daily cooking.  Today, I was ABSOLUTELY FLOORED to discover that I had an entire shelf of home-canned tomato product IN MY ACTUAL KITCHEN.  The current spread is 5:1 that I do not remember this next time I am in need of home-canned tomato product.
• (file under: SQUEE) Four free turnips for me.
• (file under: we'll see)  HB will turn four in about two weeks from now.  That means I am ::THISCLOSE:: to having survived 75% of my children being age three.  And then I will have a 16 month respite until Elliott turns three. 
• I should probably apologize for my excessive use of the Eff Word in this here post from the other day.  Sorry.  It was completely intentional on my part, and they totally, and intentionally earned those eff bombs.  But it did earn me huge traffic was still inappropriate.  
• (file this under: get it done) Because of the Impending Birthday, HB got a letter from the ACORN or APPLE or BEECHNUT group at the public school telling him he gets to pick out a brand new book from the Elementary School Office.  Which means that I have to do my (past due) quarterly homeschool report for Miss O.  And also complete the paper that outlines the things we plan to do for the year.
• (file this under: get a kleenex) Do you read Fever? You should, and not only because I said so, but because Lora has This Way About Her and you will love her.  Start with the 11.11.2010 post.  I'd link it but I can't figure that one out at the moment.  But I trust you know how to Do The Scrolling Down, yes?   Excellent.  You're welcome.
• and finally. (file this under: it's about time, for crying out loud and also Pete's sake) There was one night this week that I did not get out of bed to go and fetch the nursling.  It was amazing.

united states trivia pack

Python Printable Games is offering a printable (surprise, I know, with a name like Printable Games) United States Trivia Pack. All 50 states are represented, with 15 questions per state, totaling 750 questions. Quizzes cover state nicknames, trees, flowers, capitals, history, funny facts, bizarre laws and local customs and more.

I checked out the New York State trivia, because I thought Miss O would like to play. Unfortunately, *I* didn't even know most of the answers to the questions, and you know I sort of view myself as a smarty-pants. The difficulty of the questions does provide an opportunity to teach Miss O about Consulting The Googles, which is a well-known staple of the Dayton home. We like to call it a life skill.

The United States Trivia Pack costs $19.95, and is clearly designed for children and adults over the age of 8.  Or 33.

[Product review & giveaway disclosure: I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commissions 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."]

free multimedia children's books

Sponsored by Tomoson.com
Story Time For Me is offering two free children's books to new users.  Simply create an account, verify your email address, and you'll have instant access to the many selections.  Each word of the story is highlighted, karaoke style, as the smooth-voiced narrator reads.  I chose a Ben the Mouse story and a Flame the Dragon story.  The illustrations are adorable, and the stories are easy to understand.

Naturally, Story Time For Me gives you the option of purchasing more stories.  Single stories are $8, which I think is pretty steep, but buying in "bulk" saves.

[Product review & giveaway disclosure: I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commissions 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."]

printable thanksgiving-themed games

I'm always on the lookout for fun learning-ish games to play with the short people... you know, keeping the 'school' in homeschool 24-7.  These printable thanksgiving-themed games are so stinking cute, and are fun enough to keep the short people interested and playing for hours.  My personal favorite is the Backyard Scavenger Hunt... lots of outdoor words are scrambled and the short people can either unscramble the anagram or figure out the clues.

It's $19.95 for the 30 printables, which is WAY more than 30 little coloring sheets.  And there's a coupon for $5 off any purchase of $19.95 or more, so it works out to less than 50 cents per game, which is a pretty good deal if you ask me.  Python Printable Games also offers free coloring sheets, too.

[Product review & giveaway disclosure: I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commissions 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."]

want to buy some books?

Check Better World Books.  Here's what they have to say:

Better World Books is a for-profit social enterprise that collects used books and sells them online to raise money for literacy initiatives worldwide. We offer great bargains on used books - over 6 million used and new titles, with free shipping anywhere in the US and just $3.97 worldwide. What’s more, you love cheap used books and so does the environment – when you buy used, you save books from landfill and conserve resources.

And hey, FREE SHIPPING.  ALL OF THE TIME.  And also?  A cursory search gives me the initial impression that they do not sell how-to-guides for criminals.

Shop happy.

the great christmas card conundrum.

I am totally not a card person.  I'm just not.  I sort of wish I was, especially at Christmastime, because you know *all* the cool kids are going to be sending Christmas cards, and I totally love to get mail, real and actual mail, and even if you are wearing the same sweater as your five month-old, I really do fancy a copy of that card in my post office box.  Really. 

Fun Pamela Fact:  I have every single thank you card I've received in the past 10 years.  I keep them to remind me that I'm nice because I totally struggle with my self-esteem.  I read them at least once a month.  True story.

While I am not a card person, I do have EVERY.LAST.PHOTO.CARD.EVER.SENT.TO.ME. posted on my refrigerator.  Well, except the ones from 2008 and before.  My fridge is only so big.  It's a great way for the short people to be connected to people we don't see very often, and then, BONUS POINTS!!! when we do actually see them, the short people will inevitably say "I see you on my refrigerator every day" and that makes them seem very cute, which is something I like.

Confession:  I have never, ever sent a photo card to anyone. 

Which is totally ridiculous because it's not as if I don't have three-quarters of a million pictures of my short people on my computer.  And no, I am not exaggerating.

So.

You've heard of Shutterfly, right?  (You? Over there? Shaking your head in the NO direction? Please move out from under the rock and find a new home.  You can do it, I know you can.)  Shutterfly offers approximately ninety gazillion photo card options.  Christmas cards? CHECK.  Religious holiday cards? CHECK.  Invitations for your Superty-Duper Christmas Party? CHECK and CHECK. 

Wait. What? You are already done with your Christmas cards? Fine. Special for you, the Valentine's cards are already up on the site, ready and waiting for overachievers like you.

Here is the conundrum:  To send the Christmas cards, or not to send the Christmas cards.  

Not only does Shutterfly have ninety gazillion options from which to choose, but they are also giving me 50 free Christmas cards for writing this post.  Pretty fantastic offer, thereby solving the conundrum, and creating a new conundrum: TO WHOM DO I SEND THE 50 CARDS???

You!  I will send them to you!  You totally want a superty cool Christmas card from the dayton time clan, don't you?  Leave me a comment with your email address, and I will email you back to get your mailing address (which I will promptly sell to every possible outlet... OR NOT).  Or, email me at thedaytontime(@)gmail(.)com with your mailing address and I'll send you something special.

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Disclosure:  As I may have mentioned, Shutterfly is sending me 50 free cards for writing this post.  Clearly the prose is mine and mine alone.  Are you a blogger who wants free cards, too?