Tuesday, June 22, 2010

fairy tale

Once upon a time, in a land faraway, lived the Good King Mister, and his lovely wife, The Fair Queen Boss of Things.  They had been quite successful in, ummm, providing a number of qualified heirs to the throne.

One day, Princess Smarty-Pants came down with a Vile Sickness that caused her skull to become full of the Vile Boogers and her royal glands were visibly swollen.  The Fair Queen could not decide if the Vile Sickness was actually Vile Sickness or Annoying Allergies, and because the Fair Queen is a wait-and-see sort of girl, she waited for a number of days to see how the Vile Sickness was progressing.

Finally Princess Smarty-Pants had not improved at all and was really quite ill, so The Fair Queen decided to telephone the Kindly On-Call Physician, who was quite alarmed at the report of Princess Smarty-Pants's health, and offered a very early appointment the next morning.  The Fair Queen weighed the options, and politely declined the crazy early appointment because Princess Smarty-Pants is the opposite of a morning person.

The next morning, much to the surprise of The Fair Queen, Princess Smarty-Pants got up two hours earlier than usual.  The Fair Queen made an executive decision to go to the super early appointment, because she thought it was highly probable that an appointment had not been scheduled for super early o'clock in the past 12 hours.

The Fair Queen and Princess Smarty-Pants scrambled, and walked into the Kindly Physician's office one minute after the open appointment was supposed to begin.  The Kindly Secretary was not so kindly, and was obviously displeased that The Fair Queen had chosen to drive Princess Smarty-Pants to the office with no appointment.

Princess Smarty-Pants and The Fair Queen sat quietly and patiently in the waiting room like a pair of commoners.


Suddenly the Kindly Physician burst through the door and addressed The Fair Queen by A SHORTENED VERSION OF HER FIRST NAME.   Then the Kindly Physician used a very snippy tone with The Fair Queen and said that there had been an super-crazy-early appointment, but now it was very much later than super-crazy-early, and The Fair Queen would just have to suck it up and leave despite the fact that all the Kindly Physician had to do to Princess Smarty-Pants was jam a Q-tip down her throat and give it a good swish-swish to collect some of the streptococcus that was growing down there.

The Fair Queen managed to bite her tongue and not schedule a trip to the Royal Dungeon for the Kindly Physician, because every other time The Fair Queen has visited with this specific Physician has been a truly wonderful experience, and The Royal Heirs all very much love the Usually Kindly Physician.  When her eyes stopped bugging out of her face, The Fair Queen made an actual appointment for right smack-dab in the middle of The Royal Napping, because that was the only time available, even though The Fair Queen and Princess Smarty-Pants were actually there in the office at the same time as an open appointment.

The Fair Queen purchased an exorbitantly priced smoothie for Princess Smarty-Pants, and drove home with as much smoke pouring from her ears as the Royal Dragon.  Because really?  A simple, We can't take you, would have done the trick.

Upon her arrival at the Royal Homestead, The Fair Queen and The Royal Heirs went out to the garden to pick an emormous bouquet of flowers for the Formerly Kindly Physician, in the hopes that her former kindliness would be restored by an act of kindness.  Because really?  The Fair Queen would love it if everybody she ever offended would swing by with an enormous bouquet of flowers because turning something ugly into something beautiful is a way to help everyone live happily ever after.


  1. Off with the surly knave's head!

  2. oh boy. hope everything goes well.

  3. i hope there is a happily ever after ... but even if there isn't ... i LOVE your response. the world would be much prettier if everyone got flowers.


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.