thankful.

I am grateful for much.

But this tops my list.

****

And really? You should click the link.

It sends you to The Mister's blog.

a good day

They run screaming around the room.  In circles, shrieking and squealing and chasing and tackling.  The baby stands, wisely, out of the way, safe behind the fortress that is the purple velvet chair.  The wail of a clarinet joins in the fray; Daffy Duck and Porky Pig squabble and bash each other with clubs.   And the short people stand still for a brief second, then fall down laughing.  There is nothing as funny as gratuitous beatings for comedy's sake.

Popcorn for breakfast, and hot tea.  Books have been read, stories told.  The littlest little crawls into my lap, feeling better but still not good. His face tells the tale of a sneaky chocolate chip cookie, and if it weren't for the germs, I'd relish a bittersweet chocolate kiss.

Yes it was, no it wasn't. Don't step on my head. Bathroom time. Don't play without me.

Mugs of soup and leftover meatloaf sandwiches with mayo and mustard, more tea and an afternoon-long game of Monopoly are on the horizon.  A chicken sits in the kitchen sink and contemplates its future.

The natives clamor for Captain Underpants and my reverie is broken.

most egregious first amendment violation of the week. **updated**

People have been sick in my house, and I haven't been keeping up with the local news like a good little girl.  I was pretty exhausted from the Sorting The Sick Baby Out, and decided to spend a little time turning my brain off by reading people's statuses on the effbooks.  

THAT IS ALWAYS A MISTAKE, PEOPLE.

I scrolled down a little and noticed a new group on The Effbooks called "Free Chris Charvella".  (Chris is a very vocal member of the Genesee County Democratic Party.  And by very vocal I mean outspoken and often viewed as at LEAST borderline obnoxious by people who are not Democrats, which is approximately 85% of the population here in Genesee County.  I think he's brilliant, and I tend to agree with his political views, because hello! have you met me?)

Anyway.  Charvella works at his family's business, a local restaurant supply store.  Before the recent election, he went to work and discovered a sign for the Republican State Senate candidate.  Chris wrote a blog post about the incident, in which he offered up this picturesque promise:

The next time I see an unauthorized sign go up in front of a commercial property, I'm going to harvest the damn thing, march straight down to republican headquarters and cram it up the first ass I see.

Classy? Not so much.  Unusual?  Also, not so much.  And let's not pretend this is the first time we've heard a fellow with a history of being conscientiously outspoken say something ridiculous when he is feeling provoked.

Fast forward a few days.

Charvella went home in the middle of a work day to find that someone had placed a sign for the verysame Republican candidate in his yard.  The sign was autographed Courtesy of Sharome Glasshole, the very vaguely veiled pseudonym given to the Alleged Sign Placer in Charvella's previous blog post.   

Charvella place a call to Jerome Grasso (aka Sharome Glasshole).  Nobody answered, so he left a message: 'Hello Jerome.  Chris Charvella calling.  It's nice to know you read my blog.  Have a nice day.'  (links to Charvella's blog post).

So. What happens next?  Charvella was arrested for aggravated harassment in the second degree.   For a blog post.  And a completely non-threatening phone call.

The events leading up to Charvella's arrest, from all involved parties, sound like the kind of ridiculous high school pranks you might expect from rival football teams (no offense to football players).  

Tee hee, I put a sign in your yard.

Neener, neener, I responded to your sign with Big Man Words.

Ha ha, I put another sign in your other yard and even autographed it to Up The Fun Quotient.

Knee-slapper, man, I called and left a sarcastic message on your answering machine.

Cue the cuffs?  What?

I would understand a little better if Charvella had called from, say, Grasso's front yard, whilst holding a folded up Republican campaign sign and a tub of Vaseline,  whilst also wielding, maybe, a machete, and possibly screaming vulgarities in front of God and everybody. 

But what *actually* happened?  Please, now.  I'm going to go NOT TOO FAR OUT ON THE LIMB and say that the start of this incident was just another link in the Chain of Political Shenanigans.  And just like my 5 year-old, Mr. Grasso suddenly changed his mind about playing along.  His big boy panties got all bunched up and he ran crying to mama, and by MAMA, I mean LAWYERS AND JUDGES AND STATE TROOPERS, OH MY.

  

I'd like to extend a great big the dayton time thank you to the Genesee County District Attorney's office and County Legislator Grasso for throwing the taxpayers' money out the window, and spitting in the eyeballs of Free Speech.  Good work.

********

I would also like to mention that the short people and I discussed this over lunch today, and in their humble opinions, the worst part of this whole thing is that someone would say they would cram a sign up someone's butt.  Because that is mean and it would never happen, so really it's lying to say you'll stick a sign up someone's butt.   And also it would be mean to stick somebody's head up their butt.  And one time (one of them) stuck a finger up his own butt.  And (one of them) never stuck anything up his or her own butt.  And one time (one of them) stuck his finger up his own butt and poked his eyes.  FROM BEHIND.  And wouldn't it be gross to EAT YOUR OWN EYES???

I should have invited Charvella and Grasso to lunch, because the conversation was right on their level.

***UPDATE*** Or rather, additional information that I did not have yesterday that explains the phone call to Grasso's home.
The Genesee County Legislators do not have official county-provided office space.  In fact, the County Legislator website lists the home phone numbers of each of the Legislators in their contact information.   There was no other way for Charvella to contact Grasso, other than at his home.

yes. it's another breastfeeding in the hospital post. but this time? two thumbs UP.

My baby is sick.  He's had a wicked high fever for way too many days now, and sounds like a phone-sex-worker when he breathes.  So naturally I took him to the doctor to run a battery of STD tests.

No, I did not actually do that.   Seriously, people.

I did take him to the doctor, but there was only talk of his insistence on remaining febrile (that means HAVING A FEVER FOR A LONG TIME) and gross poop and how much motrin is too much motrin and how many days can you be on that junk all in a row before your 19 month old liver takes a hike.  Et cetera.

She seemed puzzled, because, well, all of the pieces do not make a ton of sense.  And this is not a HOLY CRAP WE'RE FREAKING OUT sort of thing, this is a baby's been sick for too many days with no real and permanent sign of improvement sort of thing, so we are consulting the experts.

Anyway.  I'm getting there.  The doctor ordered a chest x-ray and some blood tests.  The chest x-ray involved Elliott sitting on a chair and holding still, which was totally easy for him because A) he's totally advanced; B) I helped; and C) kid hasn't moved on purpose since Thursday, I think.

The blood tests involved a sharp needle jabbed slid into his arm and lots of crying.  The poor phlebota... phleboto... needle jabber was so lovely and sorry.  And no, I didn't *make* her sorry.  She just was.

Because of all the crying, I took Elliott back into the waiting room and he nursed for a while.  We were the only people in the waiting area, which was nice, because Elliott was kind of a mess.  

And.  While we sat there, four hospital employees stopped what they were doing to check on us.  

Can I help you?  

Did the doctor ask you to wait for test results?

Has someone taken care of you?

Yes, we're fine,  I said.  I am breastfeeding him because he was very upset about the blood draw.

This is the point of the conversation where I expected a little tension.  Would they be embarrassed that I was doing The Things And Stuff with my breasts? Would they say something they shouldn't and then I would have to Handle It Blogger Style?

These employees?  Fantastic. Didn't bat an eyelash.  Take your time!  I hope he's feeling better soon.  Are you comfortable?  Is there anything else you need?

This little hometown hospital doesn't always get the best press.  You know how it is, do something good and nobody remembers; do something bad and nobody forgets.  Here's a little good press.

Thank you.  Thank you to the people who checked on us.  Thank you for not making the squidgy EEEEEWWWW face when I said I was breastfeeding my toddler.  Thank you for acting like it was no big deal, even if it was kind of a big deal for you to see a woman breastfeeding.  Thank you to the people in charge of this hospital, who have CLEARLY educated their staff in customer care and breastfeeding rights.  Thank you for having a Lactation Consultant on staff (and available at all hours! even on a Sunday morning from her sofa!!!).  

The last thing I wanted to deal with today was some ignoramus saying something stupid about me caring for my really sick baby.  And I didn't have to do that.  Gold star. 

some (more) items for your consideration

• (file under: thumbs down) One of my darlings climbs in bed with me every morning.  It is always the verysame darling, and it is always after The Mister has gotten up and gone to work.  I usually sleep on my left side, probably because I've been pregnant for a hundred years.  So the Sleep Ninja Darling cuddles up behind me, but instead of The Spooning, I get The Very Cold Toes Curled Over The Back Of My Pajama Pants.  You can't even call this Karma, because I have not given The Mister the cold feet treatment in almost ten years.
• (file under: der)  I have been going down into the Closet of Canning Bliss and Euphoria which is located in my Not Actually Euphoric Basement on a daily basis to retrieve jars of tomatoes and tomato sauce for my daily cooking.  Today, I was ABSOLUTELY FLOORED to discover that I had an entire shelf of home-canned tomato product IN MY ACTUAL KITCHEN.  The current spread is 5:1 that I do not remember this next time I am in need of home-canned tomato product.
• (file under: SQUEE) Four free turnips for me.
• (file under: we'll see)  HB will turn four in about two weeks from now.  That means I am ::THISCLOSE:: to having survived 75% of my children being age three.  And then I will have a 16 month respite until Elliott turns three. 
• I should probably apologize for my excessive use of the Eff Word in this here post from the other day.  Sorry.  It was completely intentional on my part, and they totally, and intentionally earned those eff bombs.  But it did earn me huge traffic was still inappropriate.  
• (file this under: get it done) Because of the Impending Birthday, HB got a letter from the ACORN or APPLE or BEECHNUT group at the public school telling him he gets to pick out a brand new book from the Elementary School Office.  Which means that I have to do my (past due) quarterly homeschool report for Miss O.  And also complete the paper that outlines the things we plan to do for the year.
• (file this under: get a kleenex) Do you read Fever? You should, and not only because I said so, but because Lora has This Way About Her and you will love her.  Start with the 11.11.2010 post.  I'd link it but I can't figure that one out at the moment.  But I trust you know how to Do The Scrolling Down, yes?   Excellent.  You're welcome.
• and finally. (file this under: it's about time, for crying out loud and also Pete's sake) There was one night this week that I did not get out of bed to go and fetch the nursling.  It was amazing.

united states trivia pack

Python Printable Games is offering a printable (surprise, I know, with a name like Printable Games) United States Trivia Pack. All 50 states are represented, with 15 questions per state, totaling 750 questions. Quizzes cover state nicknames, trees, flowers, capitals, history, funny facts, bizarre laws and local customs and more.

I checked out the New York State trivia, because I thought Miss O would like to play. Unfortunately, *I* didn't even know most of the answers to the questions, and you know I sort of view myself as a smarty-pants. The difficulty of the questions does provide an opportunity to teach Miss O about Consulting The Googles, which is a well-known staple of the Dayton home. We like to call it a life skill.

The United States Trivia Pack costs $19.95, and is clearly designed for children and adults over the age of 8.  Or 33.

[Product review & giveaway disclosure: I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commissions 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."]

free multimedia children's books

Sponsored by Tomoson.com
Story Time For Me is offering two free children's books to new users.  Simply create an account, verify your email address, and you'll have instant access to the many selections.  Each word of the story is highlighted, karaoke style, as the smooth-voiced narrator reads.  I chose a Ben the Mouse story and a Flame the Dragon story.  The illustrations are adorable, and the stories are easy to understand.

Naturally, Story Time For Me gives you the option of purchasing more stories.  Single stories are $8, which I think is pretty steep, but buying in "bulk" saves.

[Product review & giveaway disclosure: I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commissions 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."]

printable thanksgiving-themed games

I'm always on the lookout for fun learning-ish games to play with the short people... you know, keeping the 'school' in homeschool 24-7.  These printable thanksgiving-themed games are so stinking cute, and are fun enough to keep the short people interested and playing for hours.  My personal favorite is the Backyard Scavenger Hunt... lots of outdoor words are scrambled and the short people can either unscramble the anagram or figure out the clues.

It's $19.95 for the 30 printables, which is WAY more than 30 little coloring sheets.  And there's a coupon for $5 off any purchase of $19.95 or more, so it works out to less than 50 cents per game, which is a pretty good deal if you ask me.  Python Printable Games also offers free coloring sheets, too.

[Product review & giveaway disclosure: I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commissions 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."]

want to buy some books?

Check Better World Books.  Here's what they have to say:

Better World Books is a for-profit social enterprise that collects used books and sells them online to raise money for literacy initiatives worldwide. We offer great bargains on used books - over 6 million used and new titles, with free shipping anywhere in the US and just $3.97 worldwide. What’s more, you love cheap used books and so does the environment – when you buy used, you save books from landfill and conserve resources.

And hey, FREE SHIPPING.  ALL OF THE TIME.  And also?  A cursory search gives me the initial impression that they do not sell how-to-guides for criminals.

Shop happy.

the great christmas card conundrum.

I am totally not a card person.  I'm just not.  I sort of wish I was, especially at Christmastime, because you know *all* the cool kids are going to be sending Christmas cards, and I totally love to get mail, real and actual mail, and even if you are wearing the same sweater as your five month-old, I really do fancy a copy of that card in my post office box.  Really. 

Fun Pamela Fact:  I have every single thank you card I've received in the past 10 years.  I keep them to remind me that I'm nice because I totally struggle with my self-esteem.  I read them at least once a month.  True story.

While I am not a card person, I do have EVERY.LAST.PHOTO.CARD.EVER.SENT.TO.ME. posted on my refrigerator.  Well, except the ones from 2008 and before.  My fridge is only so big.  It's a great way for the short people to be connected to people we don't see very often, and then, BONUS POINTS!!! when we do actually see them, the short people will inevitably say "I see you on my refrigerator every day" and that makes them seem very cute, which is something I like.

Confession:  I have never, ever sent a photo card to anyone. 

Which is totally ridiculous because it's not as if I don't have three-quarters of a million pictures of my short people on my computer.  And no, I am not exaggerating.

So.

You've heard of Shutterfly, right?  (You? Over there? Shaking your head in the NO direction? Please move out from under the rock and find a new home.  You can do it, I know you can.)  Shutterfly offers approximately ninety gazillion photo card options.  Christmas cards? CHECK.  Religious holiday cards? CHECK.  Invitations for your Superty-Duper Christmas Party? CHECK and CHECK. 

Wait. What? You are already done with your Christmas cards? Fine. Special for you, the Valentine's cards are already up on the site, ready and waiting for overachievers like you.

Here is the conundrum:  To send the Christmas cards, or not to send the Christmas cards.  

Not only does Shutterfly have ninety gazillion options from which to choose, but they are also giving me 50 free Christmas cards for writing this post.  Pretty fantastic offer, thereby solving the conundrum, and creating a new conundrum: TO WHOM DO I SEND THE 50 CARDS???

You!  I will send them to you!  You totally want a superty cool Christmas card from the dayton time clan, don't you?  Leave me a comment with your email address, and I will email you back to get your mailing address (which I will promptly sell to every possible outlet... OR NOT).  Or, email me at thedaytontime(@)gmail(.)com with your mailing address and I'll send you something special.

*******
Disclosure:  As I may have mentioned, Shutterfly is sending me 50 free cards for writing this post.  Clearly the prose is mine and mine alone.  Are you a blogger who wants free cards, too?   

love this.

the first pair of socks i ever knit.
turns out they're matchy-matchy with the
vintage lino in my kitchen.

good advice

Somebody once told me that if you can't say anything nice, you shouldn't say anything at all.
I am heeding these words today.

file this under... WHA????

Last week, if you recall, I gave you a humorous-ish post called some items for your consideration.  I got a variety of comments and found a couple of blogs just waiting to be discovered by me, and I got a surprise comment from a reader I haven't heard from in a long time.  (She's married!!! And owns a house!!!)

Anyway.  We have a little friend who comes to our home after school, sometimes four days a week, because her mother has some issues and she is being cared for primarily by her grandparents, and they both work, and my children A-FREAKING-DORE this child, and it just works, so we do it.  So Nana came to retrieve Little Friend on Monday, and she has just started to use the computer and somehow the topic of Teh Interwebs came up.

And what does Nana say?  Nana, who is everything a nana should be? she says: Oh, my, I was reading your blog-thing and I laughed so hard the part about you offering se.xual favors for fixing your television and being so glad that Jon was the one who came through in the end.  That was so funny!

Alright.  Number One:  Nana, please do not ever use the phrase "SE.XUAL FAVORS" in conversation with me ever again.  Number Two: The rest of you? STOP LAUGHING.  How would you feel if your dear, sweet Nana busted out laughing at YOU offering the favors?  Hmmmm???  I think, perhaps, it might be a little awkward.

And speaking of awkward:  MY EVERY MOVE is awkward.  I am a living, breathing natural disaster this week.  I may have mentioned the great job I did on my shoulder.  Just once, I know.  Physical therapy is proving to be wickedly successful, the wickedly part coming on the day of, and the day after therapy.  The success shows up sometime two days later.

Why, if you only effed up your shoulder, is your every move awkward? you ask, very gently so as not to make things any more awkward that I claim that they are.

Well, I had to get some pork chops out of the big freezer for dinner on Monday, which was definitely a WICKEDLY day.  And to retrieve said pork chops, I was required to walk down five stairs.  BUT NO!!!! I missed the top step and fell down.  And landed... wait for it... ON MY RIGHT ELBOW!!!! 

I have warned against trying to replicate this level of awesome before, and I will do it again.  Do.Not.Attempt.

Then. Tuesday.  It was bedtime, and I had kissed Monkey Number 3 and rubbed his back, and Monkey Number 4 was in his bed, and Monkey Number 2 was waiting for me to climb up the bunk bed ladder to give him The Cuddles.  I climbed up, as expected, and in a terrible and shocking turn of events, the little clippy things that hold the ladder to the top bunk EXPLODED INTO A BAJILLION PIECES AND PROPELLED ME THROUGH THE ROOF!!!!

(Read: somehow became useless and the ladder fell to the floor, and I fell on the ladder and then I said a Very Bad Word.)

It has been a long.ass.week.

*************

The good-ish sort of news:  My sister-in-law, Auntie Teff, is at a hospital that rhymes with Believeland Blinic and is having a procedure done early Friday morning that may stop her spinal cord from leaking fluid.  It would be awesome if you could say her name to God tomorrow.  

deconstructing helena. the hair edition.

yes. that is my bathrobe.

it could have gone a little better

huh. it's not *that* big.
it was out to HERE after i teased it up.

it's not that big, but it's not that good.

ooh. so. pretty.
or something.

mama. smile like a normal person.

halloween wedding

We went to a supercool wedding on Halloween.

The Mister was one of the Best Fellas.

I was not.

jon and pamela?
tim and helena?

I was Helena Bonham-Carter.

The Best Fella Mister was Tim Burton.

Why? 

Because the bride and groom are *huge* fans of

The Nightmare Before Christmas.

It was our homage to them.

one of the groom's friends painted this.
for real. flipping amazing.

The best part? 

Well, other than watching this: 

the bride and groom

WAS THIS:

oh.my.word.
chocolate cake and guinness.
still in hypoglycemic shock.

BEER CAKE BEER CAKE BEER CAKE

yet another picture of me.
begs the question: did i photograph my children in their costumes?
uh, umm... no?

(you know how i feel about cake?

same goes for sarah and brett.)

oh, sleep. how i wish you would grace us with your presence.

I'm co-hosting a live chat at The Motherhood today with a handful of other lovely blogga-mamas.  I will come back and tell you all more about it after I've had electrodes strapped to my shoulder and the goo and the ultrasound and the therapies.

********

Is sleep a big issue in your house?  Is bedtime really hard? Do your kids wake up throughout the night?  

If you are just too darn tired, join the live chat today with Kim West, The Sleep Lady.

Kim is a mother of two and has been a practicing child and family therapist for more than 18 years. She has helped thousands of tired parents all over the world gently create changes that promote and preserve their child's healthy sleep habits.

The Talk is happening TODAY at 1:00 pm ET (10:00 a.m. PT) right here: http://themotherhood.com/talk/show/id/62085  
******


Off to therapy whilst all the rest of my people are... wait for it... sleeping.  Of course.