the story of my day

I awoke in an enormous puddle of pee. And it wasn't even mine, you know, the sort of embarrassing Oops, I had a crazy pregnancy dream and leaked a little in my sleep. It was the kind where you wake up ridiculously damp, and even looking over at the soft-cheeked cherub whose elbows are up your nose, and who has wet through an entire overnight diaper and managed to be soaked in his own pee from head to toe...well, cute didn't help.

So we got up. And stripped the bed and the people who slept there and bathed and were clean amen.

Then the bickering began. And by bickering, I mean where the children go forehead to forehead, ala the sport of sumo wrestling, and try to maneuver each other out of the way, inevitably causing themselves to have a sweaty brow, inevitably causing themselves to bash noses/teeth/eyes, inevitably causing horrific crying. Big fun.

And then, I wound ninetyelevenbazillion yards of white yarn around a Pringles can (empty, of course!) to create a snowman looking thing for my daughter, so that when she returned to school today after a week-long absence, she could play with her friends instead of catching up on her missed work during playtime. Also? I did not send to school the incomplete portion of her homework, just to be sure she had playtime. I can be subversive and manipulative to get my own way when I want to be.

Then it was time for breakfast.

After breakfast, I went upstairs to use the bathroom (for the first time all day shut up Hanna). I lifted the lid, and noticed that someone had forgotten to flush, promptly flushed and turned around to brush my teeth. Except when someone forgets to flush an enormous offering to the porcelain god, and three-quarters of a roll of toilet paper, the toilet overflows. The poop water ranneth overeth. Have I mentioned how not good I am with the poop? Especially when I'm knocked up? So instead of vomiting, I said Many Bad Words. Really. I said a lot.of.bad.words. All the ones that I know, repeatedly, and also matafinga. Because I think that's the baddest word of all.

Fortunately, the pee sheets and clothing were all done washing, so I could commence with the poopwater towels and clothing. Because the water had run into the hallway, onto/into the pile of clothes that didn't get washed last week when I was sick. At least I had something to sop up the wet. That is how I am Finding Good In A Bleak Situation.

The day continued in this fashion, meaning I washed piles and piles of crappy filth, and listened to my children pound on one another. Mer.

I was so looking forward to dinner, a yummylicious beef stew, full of yummylicious veggies from our CSA. And then the stew boiled all over my stove.

And I wept.

And then The Mister called to tell me he had to work indefinitely, but hung up suddenly on the first try, and that was sad to be hung up upon, but he did call back. Lucky for him, I tell you.

And then he texted me to tell me he'd be home soon, and he wasn't, and I texted him something along the lines of "WEEPING AND GNASHING OF TEETH". And then he miraculously appeared. And the children went to bed.

The end.

P.S. There was consumption of coldish coffee, too. Also mer. And meh.