Thursday, January 22, 2009

a public service announcement

I may have mentioned that my body up and went all pregnant on me.

No, really. I wasn't really feeling all that pregnant. Sure, the expanding belly and the neverending kickboxing tournament (or is it a 24/7 disco in there?) were clues, but pregnant hit me last Friday. It actually kicked me in the pelvis a few times, then spun me around and kicked my lower back for a while, and then it jabbed a sharp something-or-other in my keister and gave me....


a hemorrhoid.

(still cringing)


a family of hemorrhoids. and they are very angry and hard to get along with.

I tried everything. No, really, everything. The ointments. The creams. The wipes. The sitting in the extremely hot water.

So what's a girl to do when she can't actually even stand up straight because of the H Family? Ask The Googles How To Exterminate Them. That is what a girl should do. Because The Googles Know.

The Googles told me about an aromatherapy option. It is very easy, and smells loverly. In a hot, shallow bath, put 20 drops each of essential oil of lavender and juniper berry. Then insert sad, sad keister, and have a good soak.

And let me tell you, people, it was fabulous.

Now, understand me, I'm not really the sort of person to discuss this sort of thing in public, but I know that there are a few pregnant people reading me, and there are a few people with husbands who have Such Visitors...not that any of you would actually ever get Such Visitors or Talk About Them.

And if this hadn't been such a VERY GOOD OPTION? I wouldn't have told you about it.

Love, kisses, and happy asses,


  1. happy asses make happy people. :) glad you're feeling better.

  2. Pamela, you are surely good people. To care enough to help all the unhappy asses out there. I love ya.
    And I'm glad you're, um, feeling better, ah, down there in that area.

  3. Hey, I'm always a happy ass!


    That didn't come out the way I wanted it to.(sigh)

    Thank you for the PSA! Do you think that would work on a sore, swollen head?

  4. Girl, where were you about 8 years ago after my first pregnancy? I could have used this information then!!


  5. Sister, I've been there...and even without a pregnancy. How sad is that? Please don't tell anyone.

    Also, I can't seem to comment on your pickles give away! I hope you include me! Let's not have this be another nuts incident where I'm a loser. And with the 'roids I'm bound to be a sore loser.

  6. can't say I feel for ya, I have no clue what they are like.

    But sure am glad you found a fix to the problem.

  7. I wish Google had been around when I was pregnant.

    Just sayin.

  8. You - are awesome! So FUNNY, even when you are serious. ...and "good to know" details - thanks!


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.