Thursday, November 6, 2008

they left and they didn't even say goodbye.

My people walked out the door about forty minutes ago (with The Mister, otherwise, why would I be here?), and they haven't come back. I am going to a class in 10 minutes, and the babysitter is coming, and I will not see any of them until tomorrow.
...........................
The Mister walks in, announces his intention to eat and return to work. Tonight's work is different from today's work. There's a show on in town, and another at the high school, and he's the sound engineer, so he's got.to.go.now. He spent more time rinsing out the nasty poop diaper than talking to me, which I am not complaining about at all, really, because I'd have spent more time throwing up than doing anything else I've done all day if *I* had been the one to rinse that thing out.
I have dealt with a considerable quantity of poop today.
...............................
I left for my class. The sun had set; it was dark, dark, dark. Not even the streetlights could part the curtain that had been hung by 5:28 tonight.
Dark. Quiet. I stood on the sidewalk, waiting for my ride.
.................................
It's getting dark and quiet in my head, and in my soul, like 5:29 has arrived, and is not planning to move on any time soon. My motivation is waning, and despite all efforts to the contrary, it continues to escape down the drain I have become.
I am really tired today.
It happens this week, every year. I can't really explain it, but if I had more energy or brain power, or more Doritos or another glass of water (yes, water), maybe it would come to me.
Colander.
Swiss cheese.
I didn't forget, but I just.can't.remember.anything.
............................
And they walked out the front door, that I know for certain. He walked out the front door. I walked out the front door. But none of us together, and still I'm alone here, and nobody said goodbye.
It is a weight on my soul, hard to breathe around it, through it. I am very sad. Alone.
Alone and lonely, even though almost all of us have come back through the front door. But alone and lonely still.

11 comments:

  1. Are we related?

    First week of November, every year...never a good time for me.

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  2. great post. Maybe I will actually see you this weekend, the kids and I are supposed to be coming to town. But Bailey has developed a fever and nasty green nose and the Van needs to be inspected cause it should have been done in October. So maybe we will actually make it.

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  3. fake fudge might make you feel better, and it's easy to make :)

    Also, if you have treats you won't be alone for very long!

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  4. awe... i was lonely last night myself. J had a soccer game to play and had to pick up some shin guards before getting there.

    I'm used to being lonely though. ;)

    does you use cloth dipeys?? me too.

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  5. Aww honey! If it makes you feel any better that was a really pretty post.

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  6. This made me sad... hope it passes for you soon.

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  7. I hate when my guys do that to me, especially in the morning. My day will just be off if I can't get the morning closure.

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  8. early darkness is so totally depressing. i hate that my husband leaves for/comes home in the dark. it's seriously sucking quality out of my life. i need me some SUN.

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talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.