Saturday, September 6, 2008

i r a slacker

Miss O has homework.

Yes, you heard me right, the child who has only been in kindergarten for a whopping three days, a total of twenty point five hours, has homework.

And we haven't even looked at said homework. Okay, technically I looked at it. You know, with my eyes and stuff. But not so much with the brain. The homework is a large yellow sheet of construction paper with a big ol' star drawn on it. I have not a clue, not the slightest idea of what I am supposed to do with that freaking star.

Yes, you heard me right, I said WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO DO. Because really, assigning homework to a kindergarten with marginal (on a good day) reading and writing skills is actually assigning homework to said kindergartener's MOM.

Seriously, people, I completed my homework nine years ago. I have both the diploma, and the loan payment booklet to prove it.

I know, there is an alarming number of parents who probably need to do homework with their kindergartener. There most likely is an alarming number of parents who need to be informed that their child attends kindergarten. We? The Mister and Moi? Don't actually have a pressing need to do homework with our kindergartener. EVER.

Because homework is built into the fabric of our lives. Does that make you want to sing? The fa-bric of our li-hi-hives.

We read, out loud, on a daily basis to each of our children. Sometimes they read to us. Even Wee HB. His favorite is Cookie's Week, a story that features a kitten named Cookie, who, well, behaves like a kitten. And it is funny because none of our stupid cats are currently kittens. Praise Jesus. HB likes to shout TWOI-WET! TWOI-WET! and also DIRT, DIRT, MESSY, MESSY and also GAH-BIJ! GAH-BIJ! He doesn't have the rest of the tome memorized just yet, but we cut him some slack because he's not two yet.

How's about somebody cutting US ALL some slack? Or at least taking a couple of minutes to divide the class up, you know, Reading Group style. The 'top group' would never have to do homework with their kindergartener. The 'middle group' would have homework once a week, and the 'last group' would have homework all the time, so the school would know whether or not the parents are neglecting their children.

Brilliant? I know!

Then give each group a super cool name, so that the lowest-common-denominator group doesn't feel like they have inferior parenting skills. To which the other two groups snigger rudely, because EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT THE LOWEST READING GROUP.

I totally know that The Mister and I could pull it together and win us a place in the coveted top group. And that would really help me, because honestly, I don't have enough energy/ brain power/ desire to get my regular work done on a daily basis, let alone complete my five year-old's homework.

But until then, I'm off to find my crayons and my pencils.


  1. Oh man...I remember the kindergarten "homework". I made the mistake for my older son of letting him complete that first assignment they took home. It was a giant paper doll they had to decorate themselves. And I let him do his own, which of course meant it looked like a five year old did it. Everyone else's mom did it for them. Although the teacher came up to me afterward and thanked me for that.

    It only gets "better". Believe me. Now I'm into the science fair projects done by their engineer dads/moms....

  2. how that goin for ya!

    Missed you today, hope you are feelin good!!

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talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.