Sunday, September 7, 2008

thanks, the effbook team

I joined Effbook.

I didn't want to do it.

It's just that I read this blog, and he wrote a post about going to his Effbook page because he had this other post there, and I couldn't read the message because I wasn't a member of Effbook, and that just made me cranky and annoyed, because there's not much I dislike more than being told I can't do something regardless of the something's actual importance.

For example, when I was little, and by little I mean when I was a child, not when I was skinny, my parents were remodeling our kitchen. I must have been five-ish. The line-o in the kitchen was stripped off, and we were just chilling, getting slivers from the subflooring. It was awesome. Anyway, there was this hole in the subfloor, right at the end of the cupboards. I was sitting there, getting slivers in my keister, and also coloring with my black crayon. And yes, the black crayon part is important. The little hole was a little larger than my black crayon, and I wondered what would happen if I put my black crayon into the hole. So I asked my mom.

What will happen if I drop my crayon in this hole?

You'll lose it. The hole's not big enough to get the crayon out.

I won't lose it. You'll get it for me.

No, if you put it down that hole, it will be there forever.

Oh. So you mean even though I really want to have my black crayon and put it in the hole at the same time, I am going to screw myself out of having a black crayon forever and ever?

And I won't buy you a new black crayon.

Done deal, mama. I am dropping that sucker in. And then I did. And that black crayon is STILL UNDER THE SUBFLOORING IN MY MOM'S HOUSE.

The end of the black crayon story.

So I joined Effbook. And I had NO FRIENDS. I had to go out and FIND FRIENDS. I'm starting to have a pitterpattery heart just thinking about it. Thank the Lord Effbook wants me to have friends, and began a list of people I may know, so that I could maybe be friends with them IF THEY ACCEPTED ME. Oh my word. I even had to ASK MY BROTHERS if they'd be friends with me. HOW MUCH MORE AWKWARD CAN YOU PEOPLE BE?

This much more.

Today, I got an email from Effbook, and it said this:

Jon said on Effbook that you two are married. We need you to confirm that you are, in fact, married to Jon. To confirm this relationship request, follow the link below:
Thanks,The Effbook Team

Right. My husband had to apply for confirmation through Effbook to be married to me. Even though...whatever. I'm sure you get it.

And I can't completely complain about Effbook. I reconnected with a few people from college, one in particular who is still very near and dear to my heart after years of not speaking. Not pissy not speaking, just losing track not speaking.

The Mister blogged about Effbook today, and how much he loves it. I am not entirely sure what I think about Effbook. The networking is nice, but umm, poking? and gifting? and all of the other totally ridiculous (read: useless) features? Somebody said something about throwing cows? That is just not right, people. Tipping cows, yes, throwing... that's a great big N-O, good buddy.

I have 42 friends. Which is a weird bit of information to have. Who does that anyway, counting their friends? And who needs to have 42, or 79, or 39,865 friends? Who can keep up with that many people and still actually have friends in real life?

Thanks, Effbook, for tweaking that one last nerve ending. You know, the one that goes straight to the Am I Good Enough, Am I Popular Enough, Am I ______ Enough part of my brain. I was doing alright, feeling okay about myself. And thanks to you, I'm just about reduced to the mental workings of an insignificant-feeling twelve year-old. It's awesome, and I truly appreciate how you're bringing people together, one friend application at a time. So now? I hit your site only when somebody wants to be MY friend. It's fantastic. I get an email, I click the link, I have more friends. But I don't hang out. And I don't reach out to others, really. Kind of like in real life. By the way, is there a group for agorophobes? Or for people who just really prefer to have a few really close friends? You know, a tight, close social circle? Well, maybe you don't. That's okay with me. I'll just wait for more people to discover how awesome I am.


  1. I just got on the effbook train too. And I've been poked and proded and given strawberry plants. I ignore a lot, not because I'm mean but because I don't know how to use it. Also, I post on MY BLOG not in that fakey blog thingy. I want a big flashing light that says, go read her here (my stats could totally use that, what with my 8 friends or whatever).

    We're friends - right?

  2. You totally hit it on the head as to why I don't go over there. I mean the bloggy stuff can get bad enough (comments, awards) but over there? It's junior high all over again. No thanks.

  3. I have to laugh because those are all the reasons I have left Facebook and the rest of the social networking sites alone. Your experience would probably be just like mine!

  4. We call that and the other social network spot MyBook and FaceSpace just for laughs.

    I promise never to poke/ask you to join my legion of vampires/compare my fashion sense to your other friends on Facebook. Did you know you can block those silly app invites? I have in a few cases!

  5. I set us up a family myspace page, because we have a lot of (single) friends on it and we thought we might chat sometime, but I felt so lame about it.. And then I just abandoned it. lol

  6. I have to say, I'm loving Facebook these days - I was able to reconnect with people like you! :)

    But you're right, there are people on it who I think "I'm not popular enough to be their friends..." or "They didn't like me in high school/college, so I'm not going to friend them, they can friend me if they've grown up enough!"

    I totally ignore all those apps though like poking and gifts - what a waste of time. I can't believe you have to confirm Jon as your hubby though!! Too funny!!

  7. Hey you! I've me-me'd you! Come see.

  8. Facebook tricked me into joining in the same way, a few years back. This guy I was interviewing had some pictures, and I needed them for the article, and he said they were on Facebook, and I had to create an account to log in and view them. That was the beginning of about a year long torturous relationship that actually ended last year. If it hadn't, I would TOTALLY be your friend.

    Every day I think about rejoining. Your post helped me remember what I hated about it.

  9. I KNOW you're awesome. Can I be in your close circle of friends??


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.