Monday, October 27, 2008

ahh, the humour of the brits

Childbirth Song

You've bags under your eyes
You've got boobs to your knees
Your hand's full of poo and your bra's full of cheese
Your stomach is bloated your clothes do not fit
He still wants sex while you feel like shit
He begs for this favour not long after labour
It's like eating a meal after you've just been sick

And the boys at the office tell him I should give him what he wants
To this I say that they're a bunch of lalalalalalala

You bastard you cocked up it's you got me knocked up
Just cos you want me to have bigger tits
You're pleading, you're pining
Oh please stop your whining
You're not getting sex 'til the kid's 26

You say you want another child, another pregnancy
When you can poo a watermelon I'll agree

I could have been someone if you just hadn't come (along)
If I hadn't been so drunk and I'd said maybe
We'd be going out and stuff, now there's foreceps up my chuff
Pulling the head of a screaming 10lb baby

And the mums on Hornby Island* say keep breast feeding 'til they're four
If I do I won't have nipples anymore

And all the doctors told me that I'd need a stitch or ten
I say sew me up so I can't do this again.


  1. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!! I loves it.. and Jimmy Dean does too.

  2. this is GREAT!

  3. neighneighneigh, that is me horse laughing you! I need to change my depends again! and thank god i installed my laughter crash mat next to my chair!

  4. This is not so funny to me as it is just truth well spoken. I especially like the "stitch me up" part.

  5. This husband doesn't fit the lyrics anymore. I'm afraid to even sit too close to her at the dinner table anymore. The girl is FERTILE I tell you!

    Anyone want to contribute to our "Add A Room For The New Baby" fund?

  6. I. AM. SPEACHLESS. From crying and laughing so hard. I went and grabbed husband to some see this! Bahaha!

  7. Genius. "Hand full of poo, bra full of cheese." I have so been there!

    Loved this!


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.