Friday, October 31, 2008

halloween, or yes people, paintballing my house *does* piss me off

This is why I am still awake. Some little delinquent moron did a DRIVE BY to my poor little house with some sort of not-quite-jury-rigged-semi-automatic weaponry that, in its weakened state, managed to eek three orange paintball splats on my front porch windows. Bastard. Or Bastards.

And there are two smashed eggs, one on my sidewalk, and one on my grass. Ooooooohhhhh, children, look! The naughty big kids are COMPOSTING OUR LAWN FOR US. And also, lookey here: they were kind enough to only get paint on the windows! What a considerate bunch of gas holes they are.

Miss O coined the term Gas Hole today, and no, it's not because I was saying the curse word that RHYMES with Gas Hole. Because I wasn't. Really. There were a few certain children in my home this morning who were letting loose and feeling fine, and those verysame children were tired of the correct anatomical names (and humourous names) for keister, so they set out to create some of their own. Gas Hole was the clear winner.

Because? Farts are funny, and any body part that can be named after a fart, especially the one that does the farting? Is a winner.

I know this does not empower my children, exactly, but we just may run out of oil and we just may need to rely on the Gas Hole for the power to run our world.

I'm just saying.

It's still that stupid Halloween here, and The Mister is out prowling the yard for Gas Holes. Someday, I'll tell you about the spectacular entertainment we had last Halloween. It was nicey. I'm going to bed, because it's stupid o'clock and I have to get up to go to work at even stupider o'clock.

One final thought: It would be funny if the Gas Hole(s) came around again when the Under Porch Skunk was out and they got sprayed. Funny and convenient.


  1. Halloween Score: Running Tally
    Kids 1, Mister 1
    Tune in next year.

  2. Ughh. I hate it when stupid kids can ruin a time that is supposed to be fun. That happened to my parent's house once. Maybe next year, you should be sitting on the porch with some weapons of your own!

  3. I was pleasantly supprised this morning to awake to all 5 of our pumpkins still intact on our front step! Maybe we actually live in a town where children respect peoples property and don't act stupid. I wish i could send some of our upstanding youth to Alexander

  4. Farts are funny.

    It would have been the best thing ever if the skunk got your gas hole vandals. Like out of a movie.

  5. I was hoping the skunk would blast them. But unfortunately, it didn't. Not even the second time when the bastards came back and shellacked our home and vehicles with shaving cream that turned a festive orange color.


  6. What a BUMMER! We live on a farm/ranch and suffer no such nonsense. However, my sis lives in town and also - no tricks - just spooks. AND she even sported a Barack-o-Lantern carved by my teen - which was rockingly awesome - totally didn't look real. (You can see it on my blog). Anyway - even while surrounded by McCain/Palin yard signs - my sister suffered no ill will for her Barack-o-Lantern. Hey! I have a political question. Here in Texas it is estimated that 25% of the people think Obama is a Muslim. The same 25% are also whining about his minister being crazy. Whaa??? Can you be a Muslim with a crazy Christian minister?

  7. given where you live what's the liklihood it's your kin? I'm just sayin'. I'm headed to AL later this month where I a) slip into my convincing Southern accent as soon as my plane leaves DFW and b) everyone in town is related to my mother-in-law or my BIL's girlfriend. Good times. But there's bacon at every meal, so it's not all bad.


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.