Tuesday, March 18, 2008

sleep deprived

I do not get enough sleep. I am sure that was your assumption upon reading the title of this post. I have not slept well for years, since I've been pregnant with my girl. But before that...aaahhh, the bliss of being able to sleep through anything was mine, mine, mine.

But then I got married, and turns out, The Mister is a major snorer. MAJOR. SNORER. It is not possible for someone acting out the greatest caricature of the most obnoxious snoring ever to even come close to reproducing the kind of noises that come out of his...umm...self. Is it his nose? Or mouth? Or is the noise just resonating throughout him, rendering his body a sort of tuning fork of snoring? Diesel engines are green with envy.

I should also, in the spirit of truthfulness and whatnot, admit that my sleeping issues were exacerbated by becoming a mother. That whole neurotic mother bear thing, I guess, with the heightened sense of awareness, superpower hearing, protection of the sleeping bairn...as SuperCool Karen would say, OY!

I have tried earplugs. And they are somewhat effective for blocking out the usual, normal-ish sounding snoring. But the bed-shaking, earth-quaking, water-spilling (that is hyperbole, except for the bed-shaking which is accurate) snoring penetrates even the most expensive ear-plugging device.

Also, there is a chewing noise. Constant. Teeth. Clacking. All. #@&#^!&. Night. Long. Teeth noises nauseate me under every circumstance. At night, they nauseate me and make me boil and seethe with a fury previously unknown to mankind.

I think he has no idea. I think, he thinks I am ridiculously sensitive and not pleasant at 2 in the morning. Parts of that are valid. I am finding myself to be increasingly less pleasant in the middle of the night. Being awakened with thunderous noise EVERY 10 MINUTES!!! will do that to a person. I don't understand how he doesn't wake himself up. I don't understand how shouting at him and punching him in the head doesn't wake him up. (Correction: I don't necessarily punch him in the head. I just reach my right arm up over the covers, and whap him behind my back, so I don't really see where my assault lands. But it doesn't work.)

He is somewhat understanding, he has offered to sleep on the couch. Last night, I kicked him out. It was either that or smother him with a pillow, and then I'd go to jail, so it was davenport duty for that guy. I feel bad when I kick him out. But he can sleep anywhere, and I pretty much can't, so I get the bed. I think he was late for work today. There was no sign of coffee having been made this morning when the kids and I got downstairs. I don't want to be that 1950's couple with separate rooms to accomodate the snoring.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported Thursday that Americans are getting far less sleep than they should. Ten percent reported they did not get enough sleep or rest every single day of the prior month, and 38 percent said they did not get enough in seven or more days in the prior month.

The report, based on a four-state study of 19,589 adults, said that chronic sleep deprivation an under-recognized public health problem, and is linked to obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke, heart disease, depression, as well as certain risk factors such as smoking, physical inactivity and heavy drinking.

Really? What a shock. They say other things, too, and I'm not surprised by any of those, either.

The Nebraska Department of Health included this (helpful?) little survey (or quiz-ito, if you are my junior high and high school Spanish teacher who is not my mother-in-law) on their website, to help you determine if you are, in fact, sleepy.


In contrast to just feeling tired, how likely are you to doze off or fall asleep in the following situations? (Even if you have not done some of these things recently, try to work out how they would have affected you.) Use the following scale to choose the most appropriate number for each situation.

0 = Would never doze
1 = Slight chance of dozing
2 = Moderate chance of dozing
3 = High chance of dozing

Situation Chance of Dozing (Narcoleptics: Score 100, and skip to the end.)

Sitting and Reading: let's pretend it's something interesting...score: 2

Watching TV: I turn on trashy tv to insure I get a nap...score: 3

Sitting inactive in a public place (i.e. theatre): How about just sitting...anywhere...score: 1

As a car passenger for an hour without a break: I fall asleep before the car is shifted into gear...score: 3

Lying down to rest in the afternoon: I fall asleep before I'm in a horizontal position...score: 3

Sitting and talking to someone: Kind of an ambiguous question, that one...score 1

Sitting quietly after lunch without alcohol: This question brings up a few more issues than being sleep deprived, don'tchathink?...score me another 3

In a car, while stopping for a few minutes in traffic: What, waiting for the cows to get out of the road? Or, even better, driving behind That Guy on Route 98 who insists on going 25 mph instead of 55? Yeah, I've just about fallen asleep then...score 0

A score of greater than 10 is a definite cause for concern as it indicates significant excessive daytime sleepiness.
My score: 16. But I nodded off there for a second, and I may have added wrong.

So I am a definite cause of concern for being overly exhausted, but so is Alpha Male. I think it's time for him to go back to CrossCurrent and get him some assistance. Because I like me some sleep, and I like me more with some sleep. And at this point, coffee isn't even getting either of us through the day.

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