Thursday, April 16, 2009

Bad news is never good news, unless its a double entendre.

Life is amazing and full of surprises. Like when my wife was giving birth at home for the first time in our bedroom in a giant tub of hot water, and out popped a girl. That was a fantastic surprise!

Oh crap. Introductions first. This is Only Aman:

Better yet, here is Only Aman sans (without) uniform:

So I was talking to my wife (ChurchPunkMom - and she was telling me that she was seeing her old boyfriend again. I was like WHAT THE HECK! She looked at me with all seriousness and told me that she was making out with him the night before. I was blown away. Then she sat me down and we had a talk.

You see her old boyfriend had disappeared, sort of all of a sudden. She knew him for some time, he was sweet loving and protective. He was everything that she wanted in a man. They were both very happy with life and each other, or so she thought. Then something happened and he went into hiding. Recently she had been getting some messages from him as he was trying to get out of the trouble he was in. So when the opportunity came to see him again, she jumped at it! I just didn't know what to say. I mean - I knew how much she loved him by the look in her eyes. Those gorgeous eyes...

Ok ok... enough embellishing.

So last year I started growing a beard and wearing "The Uniform" to work everyday. The beard consisted of my facial hair, while "The Uniform" consisted of a black hat, white dress shirt, black tie, black coat, black pants, black shoes (Etnies skate shoes are so comfortable) and some random socks consisting of black and white thread. I started wearing this because I was at a cross roads in my life. You see to me, black and white means either you are black or white, you are in or you are out, you are a sinner or you are not. You are truth or not truth.

I was struggling with depression for some time (2 words), I am not quite sure how to say what was going in my mind but for those of you familiar with Fight Club you could say that Tyler Durden was starting to take over. (note to yourself - watch fight club) My thoughts had become a new reality and I felt like I was living two lives. One of truth and the other built on lies. It is strange what you start believing when your head is not correct. I made some terrible choices that nearly cost me my marriage and much more.

It was by the grace of God (and my wife) that I finnally came around and realized my head was not screwed on so tight. Something was wrong. I ended up seeing some doctors and found out I was bi-polar (which was a blessing and a curse - ha ha). It took me a little while to see my errors, with support of my wife and friends I was able to get my head out of my ass (I don't care if I can't say ASS on your blog). I realized I needed to decide which way I was going to take. The hard road where I try to clean up the mess I made if not make it better or do i run away and continue to self-destruct, or if your a fight club fan... hit bottom.

So back to the uniform... and that old boyfriend my wife was seeing.

I started wearing the uniform because I made a decision to commit to the life I wanted, for self discipline, for truth justice and the right to wear underwear on the outside of your pants. Wait... I mean, I made a decision to be truthful, to myself, my wife and all around me. Like my uniform I have maintained my choices. I decided the beard and the uniform needs to come from something different. Not from what it came from. So for now... my very hot wife gets to see her old boyfriend (me: naked face) and I get to see those gorgeous eyes of my hot wife as she shoots me with laser beams of love (deadly eyes when she is mad).

One year of consistency and my new cross-roads is what to wear. Not so bad as the last one was far more life changing. However I am still Only Aman.


  1. Wow, thank you for being willing to share your story. I think depression is so common and yet no one ever talks about it and admits they need help. Kudos to you for being willing to be open about it.

  2. Thanks for your sharing the real you, Aman. Besides this post, I wish you'll tell your story to all who want to listen. It's important for us to see & know what the real world outside of the TV is made out of, who we are, live among, need to care for & embrace. All the best for your journey! Cheers, Julie

  3. Hm? What was that?? I was distracted by your hotness..

    I'm so glad to have my boyfriend back.. I love seeing that boy I fell in love with 11 years ago..

  4. Thanks for sharing this with me and mah groupies. I know a lot of us have struggled with depression, and even a few of us who deal with the bipolars on a daily basis. You're a brave fellow to tackle it the way you did. And of course, having a hot wife does help. The Mister says that ALL the time.

  5. MUCH better w/ out the beard - sweet, sweet story. I love to hear of people who stuck together after trials in marriage - too many people out there always have their life jacket on ready to jump ship at the first sign of trouble. Kudos to you and her for pursuing the family.


    I look forward to seeing it in person some Sunday!

  7. I enjoyed hearing your story and encourage you in your journey!

  8. No suggestions on a new uniform? Why are you focusing on the depression aspect?

    Just kidding - I appreciate the comments. Thanks for not tearing me apart. I mean - I could do a better job of that any way.


  9. OMGoodness CPM is having an affair with a man who has to be at least 10 years younger!

  10. If you're looking for uniform suggestions I think that nothing says professionalism like a Motörhead t-shirt.

    I'm just puttin' that out there.

  11. This is wonderful. Thanks.

    I must confess, however, that I didn't realize that it wasn't Pamela writing and when I got to the part about how she was growing a beard I got a little freaked out. I mean, I've got chin hairs that are pretty impressive (or scary, scarily impressive? Impressively scary?), but I wouldn't say that I was TRYING to grow a beard. It just sort of happened. I think it has to do with hormones and my advancing age.

    I'm over it now.


talk to me, people. because you know i get all giddy when you do.